Donnie Brasco

You're not saying things that mean anything.

It's not even a debate. It's a better automobile!

Ain't no way you can say to me a Lincoln is better than a Cadillac.

- A Lincoln is better. It's a better automobile. - Forget about it.

A Cadillac's got more acceleration. It's got more power.

It's got better handling.

It's got more legroom for your legs. It's got more power.

- You just said that. - Bingo.

- What? - You just said, "More power. "

- You're starting to repeat yourself. - I said that?

- You're getting senile. - He got me so fucking aggravated.

I'll tell you one thing, Mercedes got it all over both of them.

A Mercedes?

A Lincoln's like driving a fucking water bed, for Christ's sakes.

- A Mercedes. - Yeah. It's a good car.

I'll tell you one thing, my friend. Undisputable. The Lincoln is longer.

It's longer? Longer like what? Longer like my dick is longer?

No, no, no. We're not talking about a Volkswagen.

What do you mean? Yeah, Volkswagen.

Longer. Like longer. Like in inches it's longer.

- You don't make no fucking sense. - It's a longer car.

Two fucking cars, right? This is a car, this is a car, right?

Right here, okay?

All things being equal, the one's longer gonna get there first.

You don't have to be fucking Einstein to understand this.

You know what happens when you get there, don't you?

- No. - You're still driving a fucking Lincoln.

I'll show you a fucking picture. Two cars. The one's longer gets there first.

That's a scientific fact. It's a longer car.

- Can I ask you guys something? - What?

Are you guys, you know, wise guys?

Wise guys? What are wise guys?

- You know... - What makes you think we're wise guys?

We could be cops.

Yeah.

- You believed me. Undercover what? - No, I didn't.

- You believed me. - No, it's just...

- Who's that over there? - Who?

The guy by the bar with the mustache.

That's Don, Don the Jeweler. Jilly brought him here.

What Jilly? Jilly "Four-eyes"?

Not that fucking hump Jilly "Four-eyes. " Jilly, you know, from Queens.

- You think he's a wise guy? - No, he's a connected guy.

Connected? If I had a thing to lay off, he could lay it off for me?

- You got something you gotta lay off? - Ain't the question.

- You got something you gotta lay off? - Ain't the question.

I'm just saying if I had a thing, he could lay it off. That's all.

All that fucking money you owe downtown, you'd have to lay off a fucking Brink's truck.

- Sonny's in love. - I think fucking Lefty's in love.

I'll see you.

Were you asleep?

- Are you okay, honey? - Yeah, I'm okay.

Go back to sleep. I'll call you tomorrow.

That's good, babe.

Okay. I'm sorry. I gotta go back to sleep. I'm so tired.

- All right. - All right.

- Hey. - Yeah.

What?

Put the phone on your pillow.

I want to listen to you breathe.

You Don the Jeweler?

There. That's some beautiful thing.

Why don't you give it to your wife?

My wife? How am I gonna give it to my wife?

- I ain't married. - Got a girlfriend?

- Yeah, I got a girlfriend. - So marry her.

Hey, you for real?

I'm asking you to middle a diamond for me here.

- All I want from my end is $8,000. - And I'm saying to you

is you should give it to somebody that don't know better, because that's a fugazy.

All right?

That's a fugazy? How do you know it's a fugazy?

- You looked at it for two seconds. - What? It's a fake.

I know what a fugazy is.

Hey, pal, you want to see something?

I'm gonna show you something.

There you go. Ain't that something? That's a beautiful thing.

Yeah, that is a beautiful thing, but it's not my thing.

What about this?

What do you want me to say? Go ahead, try and sell it,

you want to be a dumbsky. Give it a shot.

Dumbsky? You calling me a dumbsky?

You know who you're talking to, my friend?

Hey, Left. Come on, have a spritzer.

You want to go embarrass yourself with this thing...

Embarrass myself? My family, my children...

My mother can hold her head up in any neighborhood in this city

when she walks down the block, see?

In all the five boroughs, I'm known. Forget about it.

I'm known all over the fucking world.

Anybody, ask anybody about Lefty from Mulberry Street.

- You're pissing up the wrong fucking tree. - I didn't mean no disrespect.

- It's a misunderstanding. - Where you going? Sit down there.

You're gonna walk out on me?

You don't walk out on me. I walk out on you.

- You got a car? - I got a car.

Let's go get your car. Come on.

Take care.

Put that window up. I'm gonna catch a draft.

I'm getting fucking cancer over here.

- You'll be all right. - Where we going?

You a cop? Don't ask so many fucking questions.

Well, well, I've got to school you, my friend. I've got to school you.

What's the matter? You work for Jilly, he never school you?

School me in what?

You don't talk until I talk to you.

Fugazy.

You call that ring a fugazy. You don't know word fucking one, my friend.

I know. I look at you and I know.

You a guy can't keep his fucking mouth shut.

Hey, I'm talking to you now.

Look, I've been in jewels five years.

How do you figure I'm gonna earn the kind of money I do

if I can't tell a fucking zircon?

- There's good money in it? - What?

What?

- What, jewels? - Thank you.

Yeah. If you know what you're doing, there is.

Let's go to 23rd and 8th. Then we'll find out if you know what you're doing.

You owe me $8,000.

No, hold on. Wait. I gave you the diamond.

Left, who's this guy?

- He says it's a fugazy. - What's a fugazy?

- Your diamond's a fugazy. - What is a fugazy?

- Come on, you know. - Don't you tell me what I know.

- You know what you did, pal. - One of you has got to be wrong.

That's a Tiffany fucking diamond.

Left, that is my wife's fucking diamond ring.

It's a fugazy, Left.

You took away your wife's ring?

Look, you bring that ring to any kike on 47th Street,

he's gonna tell you that that is primo.

You took away your wife's ring to go bet on the Giants?

Hey, look, you don't want it. Give it back to me, okay?

- Hey, Left, come on... - $8,000.

Let me talk to this fucking guy for a second. Just give me half a second, would you?

$8,000.

Why don't you go to the bar and have a drink?

Let me talk to the guy for a minute. Come on.

Hey, I got a fucking black belt, pal. So you...

Shit!

This guy is going to fucking kill you. You understand what I'm saying?

We got about two minutes to figure a way out of this thing.

- I'm sorry. - You're sorry? Shut the fuck up.

- Sorry ain't gonna do it. - I don't want to die.

Yeah?

- What kind of car do you drive? - A Porsche.

Give me the keys.

All right.

- Whose car is it now? - It's Lefty's.

Lefty's stuff. All right, good.

That's for the fucking drinks, pal.

Why'd you pay for that drink, Don? A wise guy never pays for a drink.

- I didn't know that. - Always on the arm.

All right.

You scared that guy, though.

That cracks me up.

I got 26 fucking hits under my belt, and you're the one he's scared of. Fuck.

- Pull over. - What?

Pull over. I've got to do something.

- Right here? - Yeah. Right here, pull over.

All right. I'm cool.

Come on, give me a hand with this. Pull this out, pull it.

- You're taking the whole fucking thing apart. - You didn't hear nothing under the dash?

- No, I didn't hear a fucking thing. - There it is.

I can go right up the back.

What the fuck are you doing down there?

- Just feeling around here. - You think I got a wire in my car?

- Fuck! - You think I'm fucking stupid?

Did I say that? Did I say you got a wire?

Say it to my face, if you're gonna do this.

Nothing for nothing, but I think you owe me an apology.

Ain't the question. I lost a screwdriver here.

- You lost a what? - The screwdriver fell down there.

Come on. You lost a screwdriver in my fucking stereo?

You'll find it again. It's down there.

- So you like the DeVille? - Forget about it.

Yeah. I got the Fleetwood Brougham.

- Is that right? With the velor? - Forget about it.

- Are you married? - No.

- I got a girl out there in California. - That's good.

She should stay in California.

Keep your eye out for your balls.

- Yeah, you're right. - I'm always right.

A wise guy's always right. Even when he's wrong, he's right.

All the way up the line, connected guy to wise guy to skipper to boss.

- Yeah, I know that. - You know?

- Yeah. - What do you know?

It's kind of like the army, like a chain of command.

The army? It ain't nothing like the army.

The army is some guy you don't know

sends you out to whack some other guy you don't know. Army.

- You want to check in with me tomorrow? - Yeah, all right.

I don't know how the fuck you knew that ring was a fugazy.

- I'll see you tomorrow. - Yeah, so long.

Don the Jeweler is a good earner. He ain't a leech.

He keeps to himself. He's a jewel guy.

- Where's he from, Jilly? - Florida.

- Florida. - He's a jewel guy.

- But Florida where? The beach? - No, not the beach.