Two Distant Strangers

Hmm.

Wow.

-Fuck me, and then ghost me. -What? No!

-In my own home. -No!

-I was so not ghosting you. I was gonna… -Uh-huh.

I-I, I wasn't gonna just leave.

-I was gonna like… -Mmm-hmm.

-I was gonna leave a note or… -A note?

-I was not gonna just leave. -I know.

Just fucking with you.

Breathe.

You got jokes.

Fuck you.

Hey, uh, you wanna go out and get some food or something?

There's this new Jamaican brunch spot that just opened up down the block.

Did you wash your hands?

Oh, of course not.

-Oh! Ugh! -

Listen, I'd love to,

but I gotta kind of get back home to my dog.

Well, that sounds like a lie.

-There he is. -Oh, my God!

He's so cute. Aww.

That's my Jeter boy. You know, Jeter, like--

Yeah, like Derek.

You boys are so predictable.

-You know, I'm available for sitting, FYI. -

Ah, shit! Don't worry about it.

-You sure? -It's fine, Carter.

-I can just… -Don't keep Jeter waitin'.

Well, um, this was…

This was fun.

Yeah, it was good. Really.

Really?

Really.

Against my better judgement,

I actually wouldn't mind waking up to you a few more times.

Uh… What's a few? Like ten? 20?

Forever?

You boys and your egos, man!

A few hundred. Is that better?

Go home, boy.

I'll, uh, call you?

Ew. Text first. What kind of monster are you?

Okay, I'll text first.

Is it Paula? No, Presley?

Paris? No, no, no, Parsley?

I'll text you first, Parsley.

You knew my name last night. Jerk.

You know, uh, you got a nice place.

You should get this fixed though.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh. Perri. That's right.

Spelled like the water, and not Tyler.

Yeah.

Au revoir, Perri!

Nerd.

Hey, G. You good, little man?

I'll be home soon, I promise.

Look, I met this girl last night.

We had a few, ended up at her place, and then, you know…

Look, I don't got to tell you the rest. You know the game.

Eat up and keep being a good boy for Papa, okay?

And please don't shit on my rug, G.

Here's some treats.

You get a treat, you get a treat, you get a treat.

After you.

-Oh, come on, man! What the fuck! -My bad, dude.

-I totally did not see you. -My shirt? Jesus.

Listen. Let me pay for it.

You got a problem here?

Nah, sir. There's no problem, no.

-I was just offering to pay. -Is that a cigarette?

Yes, it is.

Don't smell like no cigarette.

With all due respect, sir, your sense of smell is not my problem.

That's a lot of money for a guy with a not-so-cigarette smelling cigarette.

What kind of business we in?

Graphic design. I make comic books.

Uh, what can I say, I'm in demand.

Sir.

Sir.

-Do me a favor, son. -Why you…

Put the bag down and step against the wall for me.

-What? I'm good, actually, man. -I'm not good.

Listen, man.

Give me the bag, get against the wall.

-This is mine. -Give me the bag, step against the wall.

-Listen, I didn't do nothin', bro. -Give me the bag.

-For what? -All right, tough guy.

-Hands behind your back. -What the fuck?

-Get off of me, man! -Let him go! He didn't do anything!

Hey, you, stop!

You can't do this.

- - He didn't do anything.

- - I got him.

Calm down.

Get off me!

-You're hurting him! Stop! - Get off me!

Get off me, get off me!

I-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Get off me. Get off me.

I can't breathe.

Calm down! Calm down!

I can't breathe.

Calm down! Calm down!

-I can't breathe. -

Calm down!

I can't breathe.

Hey, you okay?

Yeah.

I think I just had like…

the craziest, realest dream.

What happened?

I don't know.

This whole moment just…

feels like déjà vu or something.

No, this is definitely the first time.

Yeah, it's probably just a bad dream.

Forget it.

Oh, my God!

He's so cute. Aww.

That's Jeter. You know, like--

Like Derek. Yeah, I know.

You boys are so predictable.

-You know, I'm available for sitting, FYI. -

Ah, shit!

Don't worry about it.

Whoa.

-Careful, man, this is a new shirt. -My bad, bro.

It's all good. No harm, no foul.

No doubt. Nice shirt though, man.

Everything all right here, fellas?

Yes, sir. Everything is just fine.

-I almost bumped-- -Is that a cigarette?

Yes, it is.

But it don't smell like no cigarette.

With all due respect,

the inaccuracy of your sense of smell is not my problem, sir.

That, uh, some more magic tobacco in your pocket

or you just happy to see me?

Listen, the only people happy to see cops are white people and other cops.

Have a nice day, man.

-You have a nice day. Actually… -What the--

I'll have to check the bag. Step against the wall.

What are you doing? I know my rights. Let go of my bag.

I know your rights. I know my rights. We all know our rights.

-Bro. -Step against the wall.

-Let go of the bag. -Why are you doing this? Are you serious?

- Let go of your bag. -It's my personal…

-Why are you doing this? -You're under arrest.

Come on. You're under arrest.

Let him go. He didn't do anything!

Do not resist! Aah! Comply!

- What are you doing? -Don't go for my gun!

Get away from my gun!

-Fucker! -

What the fuck.

Hey, uh, you wanna go out get some food or something?

There's this new Jamaican brunch spot that just opened up down the block.

You know what? I have a better idea.

You know what my granny's secret to French toast is?

What?

Adding vanilla extract in the mix.

I mean, that's kind of everybody's secret to French toast.

Shut up.

I'm just saying.