The Other Side

Hey.

What can I get you?

A new life.

I can't help you with that one,

but how about a drink?

- I'm just looking for answers. - Well,

most of the people that come in here are...

Looking for someone

or trying to find themselves.

I don't think you underst--

Have you seen her before?

Who's she?

That's my fiancée.

Have you seen her?

- Possibly. I mean, I see a lot of people.

This is a bar. - This is important.

- Well, whenever people

ask questions with pictures, it usually is.

Are you a cop?

No, I'm not a cop.

I'm just desperate.

How about her?

Ohh.

How do you know her?

- We met w-- what is this about?

- I think I'll take that drink now.

Tom Collins.

Who?

I'll just take a whiskey.

Hey.

What's that?

- You know, it's a long story, and, um,

I'm sure you've heard it a million times before.

- Well, we don't pick up till after 5:00.

We got all the time in the world.

- Well, then, you better leave the bottle.

- So we go to the crib right after the movies, right?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I'm giving it to her.

- Okay. - Putting all back into her.

You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, but she pulled out a dildo.

- Oh. - At first I was bugging,

then I started thinking about it.

"Yeah, let's get it!" You know what I mean?

- Yeah, yeah, okay. - She's a freak!

So, boom, I'm giving it to her.

I'm putting everything into her.

Ooh. Ty is giving it to her.

I'm bringing the pain, baby. - Okay.

- Right? - Yeah.

- The chick had had the nerve to say,

"Bend over."

Bend over for what? - So--so what'd you do?

He bent that ass over.

I remember one time, I was with this girl,

and she had a 12-inch double-dong.

Mmm. We had some good times.

- That's my cue to go. - Mmm-mmm-mmm.

- I'm out of here. - I can still remember

her sweating...

- I feel so uncomfortable. - Shaking...

That was one of the best times I think I ever had.

It was like, when she came...

all right.

Is Allen here yet?

Something wrong?

- I need to talk to you a minute.

- Well, I'm sure this is about the Varsity account.

I think a promotion's in order, gentlemen.

- Ay, just make sure I get that laptop

before you roll out, a'ight? - Ah...

- Don't forget us little people on your way up his ass.

I don't kiss ass.

- Maybe that's why you're still single.

- Maybe that's why your breath stinks.

- Aww. Go on in there and J that PEG.

- That's nasty.

- Good Lord. - God damn it, Walter.

- - Is your power off?

- What did I do? - What didn't you do?

- You look like a overdressed seal puppy.

Martin.

You, uh--you wanted to see me?

- Why don't you take a seat, Allen?

Are you a God-fearing man, Allen?

- What? - Do you go to church?

Yes.

Yes, I go to-- I've been once to, uh, church.

Are we getting a church account, sir?

- No. Do you like Prince, Allen?

- Yeah, I mean, who doesn't love Prince?

I never took you for a Prince fan, sir.

I'm not.

I detest Prince.

You know something, Allen?

I think that you are the... most talented creative director

that we've ever had in this company.

Our clients love your work, and I've never seen...

work that's been green-lit on first pass

with such consistency.

Thank you.

- And I just want to let you know

that that has not gone unnoticed.

- Well, I--I like to think that I put my heart and soul--

- And I want to let you know that that is the reason...

why I tolerate your tardiness

and your idle chatter and all your...

bullshit.

Uh...that's fair.

But, you know, I think the chatter

is good for the synergy of--of the fellow...

I have two daughters, Allen.

Two brilliant, beautiful daughters,

neither of whom is into graphic design or marketing,

and I need someone...

to take over the business when I retire.

So you're...

going to give me the-- the company.

Why would I want to do that?

- I don't know. Wh--why would you...do that?

- You know what these are, Allen?

These are two tickets

to see Prince in concert this Friday night.

- Wow. Thank you.

- I want you to take my daughter.

Take your daughter where?

- To the concert this Friday night.

What do you think we've been talking about, Allen?

I have no idea.

- I got these tickets for my daughter.

She doesn't have a date.

You're still single, right?

How do you know my status?

So we're on the same page.

Right?

- Yes. We are on the same page.

We're definitely in the same book, I think.

Good.

So Friday night, you'll come to my home,

and these tickets...

will be waiting for you, as will...my daughter.

Okay, so...

I'll see you Friday night.

Friday, then.

- If he offered you the company,

why are you so glum?

Because...

I think it's contingent on me dating his daughter.

- Yo, you get to bang the boss's daughter?

- I don't wanna bang the boss's daughter!

Just put a bag over her head.

- Oh, she ugly. Is she ugly?

I mean, she's gotta be.

Why else would he bribe me to date her?

- You know, that's weird, 'cause I always imagined him

having badass daughters, man.

Like--like big ole--

No.

- I mean, they-- - No, stop, stop.

Look. Look,

I met the oldest daughter. - Yeah?

- And she's one of those annoying Jesus freaks,

and she scared the hell out of me.

No pun. - Really?

- Yeah. - I can't take those.

- I mean, if you don't wanna do it,

just decline.

- That's never gonna happen.

- Why? - Martin's making

$1.2 million a year.

Annually. Every year.

He--he caught me off guard.

You know, I need this job, at least until...

I finish my book. - Oh, okay.

- Like that's ever gonna happen.

- Hey. I'm in a slump.

It's a slump! - You've been writing

that book a year. - Long slump.

- I can finish the book. - I don't even know

what the book about-- - Maurice!

- Yes? Yes, sir?

Where's my project?

- I e-mailed it an hour ago, sir.

- An hour ago. - Yes.

- You know I don't do that JPEG, PDF stuff.

I didn't know that.

- So maybe you should go in my office right now

and do it for me,

because the client, she's...

on the phone right now. - Right, right.

Yes, sir.

Can't open an e-mail.

Owns the company, but can't open an e-mail.

Maurice!

- "I need you..." - Allen.