Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World

So he passed?

Yeah.

I thought the Scientologists take things.

As much as they can get. We offered everything.

I thought so too.

All right, who's next?

Um, Albert Brooks.

And why are you bringing him in?

Thought it'd be interesting. It's a different way to go.

Well, I don't want to go a Jewish way.

He's a good actor.

I-i-it's a different way to go.

Yeah, okay. Uh, what was that last thing he did?

That thing with Michael Douglas?

The In-Laws. Right.

Ugh, why in God's name did they remake that?

Ours at least begs for it.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Albert.

How are you?

Okay. How are you?

This is Victoria, the casting. Yes, I know Victoria.

And this is Jeff, the studio.

Nice to meet you. And have a seat.

All right.

So...

Have you ever seen the original Harvey?

Oh, yes. Many times.

Well, casting you would certainly be

a different way to go than Jimmy Stewart.

Don't go with Jimmy Stewart now,

because that would be disgusting.

Um, Wednesday night I was watching Big,

like at 1 in the morning on cable.

Just, you know, I just want to tell you,

you did a great job.

Well, thank you. I loved The In-Laws.

Thank you.

So, what have you been working on?

You know, different stuff.

Trying to get that great acting part.

How's that coming?

I'd love to get Harvey.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, thanks for coming in.

That's it?

Yeah.

Okay.

Uh, if you want me

to put a scene on tape with another actor, or...

I'll just watch The In-Laws again.

All right.

This was quick.

Took me longer to park downstairs.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to see you.

You know where I am.

Oh, I certainly do.

Okay, bye.

Bye-bye.

That was a waste of time!

What are we looking for?

What does it say on your little piece of paper? Look.

"The next Jimmy Stewart."

That's not him.

Girls, time for bed.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Daddy.

How did everything go?

Ugh, it's a cruel world, honey.

Where's Mommy?

Uh, she's in her office.

Okay.

Yes!

Hi, honey.

Hiya, baby.

How'd it go?

I was more right for A League of Their Own. Mm.

What are you doing? Nothing.

You're on eBay. No.

Oh, yes, you are. No.

Oh, yes, you are. I know it. No, no, no.

Listen, let's put parental controls on this site.

Honey, that's ridiculous. Laura doesn't know how to get on here.

Not for her, for you. Parental controls for the actual parent.

I'm worried.

Aren't you in the Platinum Buyers' Club now?

Not yet. Are you expecting something from the government?

The government? No.

You got a registered letter from the State Department.

Oh, my God. Did you open it?

No. I was afraid to.

You know what this could be?

What?

About four weeks ago,

just because I was curious,

I went on an al Qaeda website.

Oh, Albert. For five minutes.

I didn't give a credit card or anything.

I just wanted to see what it was all about.

You think that's what this is?

Open it.

Read it.

"Dear Mr. Brooks,

"I am heading up a commission

"that is designed to better understand

"the Muslim peoples of the world.

"We're attempting this task

"through various measures,

"one of which I would like you to be involved in.

"If you could come to Washington D.C.

"as soon as possible

"and meet with our commission,

"we would explain everything to you at that time.

"We, of course, would pay for all of your expenses.

"Please let us know.

We would like to proceed with this as soon as possible."

"Sincerely, Fred Dalton Thompson, Commission Chairman."

Oh, my God.

Fred Thompson, why is that familiar?

You know, he was a senator from Tennessee.

Now he's an actor.

Oh, yeah.

God, that's exciting.

Oh, you have to go, right?

You think so?

Honey, you have to go.

You've never been asked by a government commission

to do anything before.

You have to at least see what that's all about.

I don't know. Maybe they don't even have the right person.

I bet he thinks he's writing to Mel Brooks.

Honey, go.

Nothing's happening here, anyway.

Well, phrased like that, I guess I should leave now.

I'm on the way to the hotel.

What time is the meeting tomorrow?

They want me there at 10 in the morning.

Honey, you've gotta call me the second it's over.

The second it's over.

I will, baby.

I'm so excited.

Give Laura a kiss.

I love you.

I love you.

That's him.

- Hello. - Hi.

How are you doing?

How are you?

Nice to meet you.

You've met, uh, Barbara Nader. Yes.

This is Don Budge.

Margaret Allen ton,

Sam Loman, Ben Wallerstein.

How are you?

Albert. Please.

Mr. Brooks, thank you very much for coming in.

How was the hotel?

The hotel was great, thanks.

Are you, uh, back in politics? I thought you were acting now.

Once you're in politics, you never really escape.

Actually, I am acting now,

but because of my in with the show business community,

the administration has asked me to head up this commission.

Congratulations. What is this commission?

I don't have to tell you

that the world is in a precarious place.

There are huge numbers of people that we, as a country,

don't really understand.

The Chinese, the Africans, and most pressingly,

the Muslim population of the world.

Now, as a country,

we really haven't gone about this in any other way

than spying or fighting, all the normal things.

But now some new tactics are going to be developed.

And one of those tactics is laughter.

Laughter?

The president, as you know,

has a pretty darn good sense of humor.

And he felt that maybe the only way

to really understand somebody

was to see what makes them laugh.

So we'd like for you to head up a project.

Take a month,

go to India and Pakistan,

write a 500-page report,

and tell us what makes the Muslims laugh.

You'd be doing a hell of a service for your country.

Oh, my...

You know, my wife and I were guessing what...

What this was all about. We never guessed this.

Well, I have a lot of questions. F.

There's a lot of comedians in America.

How How did I get picked?

Quite frankly, our first few choices were working.

Okay.

Don't worry about it.

You're here.

As far as I can tell,

you're a pretty respected comedian.