Mercy

Hey, guys.

Good morning, ladies.

Cute jacket.

What?

- Mr. Moskowitz, you'll be happy to hear

That we were able to remove the tumor from your colon.

The margins were clear,

And there's no sign of metastasis.

With a few adjustments to your lifestyle,

You can be free and clear.

What kind of adjustments?

- Bacon's not a food group.

Neither is tobacco or booze.

If you don't radically alter your diet

And throw away your television set, you'll die.

- Hey, let's not be so dramatic.

Why don't we taper off the bacon instead of going cold turkey?

Change is hard for human beings.

There's no reason to panic.

- Oh, there's absolutely a reason to panic.

Are you familiar with the expression

"as serious as cancer"?

Mr. Moskowitz, I didn't go to the trouble of saving your life

So that you can throw it all away

On a bacon-scotch-booze bender?

Do you have any idea

How painful and agonizing a death from colon cancer is?

Think of your wife.

Mr. Moskowitz, you need to get

Your fat, lumpy body off the sofa and join a gym.

- Hey! - Okay.

Dr. Harris, we've got that staff meeting to go to.

Death is serious,

Mr. Moskowitz, death is permanent.

If you're deluding yourself thinking there's an afterlife--

All right.

That was a little intense in there.

- That man is my responsibility.

- Dan, I get that you're committed

To nobody ever dying in the world ever again.

I also get that you're dealing

With an enormous amount of grief.

- We haven't had a patient die on our floor in a week.

And besides, I thought we had an agreement.

- We were drinking vodka. I didn't take you literally.

Besides, you could get in trouble.

Mr. Moskowitz is gonna complain.

- Mr. Moskowitz is gonna die

If he doesn't make these changes.

I'm simply stating the truth.

He can either get busy living or busy dying.

- That's from the shawshank redemption.

That's a good movie.

The e.R. Ran your labs,

And it looks like pyelonephritis,

Which, uh, don't worry,

It's just a fancy word for a kidney infection.

So sonia here is gonna place a catheter,

And we should have you fixed up in no time.

Thank god.

I'm cold, and blue paper is not my best look.

Here you go, babe.

- Okay. Little privacy, please.

- Oh, right, I'll just go get a soda.

- All right, ashley, just relax.

May feel a little pressure, but I'll try and be quick.

- So, uh, where's your family?

- In the e.R. Filling out paperwork.

Josh came up with me. Isn't he the sweetest?

Seems like a nice boy.

Um, dr. Sands?

Could you check my work, please?

Uh, yeah.

Okay, that-- that looks good, sonia.

Uh...

Should have you feeling better in no time, ashley.

- So that was a penis, right? - Uh, yeah.

¶ and we're just getting started ¶

¶ one thing's for sure ¶

¶ ain't no remedy ¶

¶ if you want to get right ¶

¶ then you better get right with me ¶

¶ hey hey ¶

¶ if you want to get right ¶

¶ then you better get right with me ¶

¶ better get right with me ¶

- Why do we need to see another doctor anyway?

- Relax, dad. It's not like I'm fatally ill or something.

It's just an infection.

Right?

- The doctor will be here in just a sec.

- Oh, mr. And mrs. Jeffries, this is dr. Hofstadter,

The specialist I told you about from st. Francis.

- Nice to meet you. And you must be ashley.

I'm the endocrinologist on your case.

I'm just gonna speak with your parents for a few moments, okay?

No way.

If this is about me, I want to hear it.

- Oh, okay, we got to give the family some privacy.

Trust me.

- Okay, well, first of all,

There is nothing medically "wrong" with ashley.

Oh, thank god.

- But in the course of treating her for the kidney infection,

We discovered something unusual.

An ultrasound on ashley revealed a pair of internal testes.

Wait, wait, what?

You mean like balls? - Well, yes.

- Well, how did they get in there?

- It appears ashley has a rare recessive autosomal condition.

Although her external sex organs appeared female at birth,

Ashley is, in fact-- always has been--

Genetically a male.

No, that--that's impossible.

She's--she's gorgeous. She's a cheerleader.

Look at her. She's a girl.

- What do we do to fix this?

- If ashley chooses to keep living as a female,

There is a surgery we can perform

To remove her testes and what is now forming

Into ashley's penis.

- Did you just say penis? - Dad!

- Or we can let nature take its course.

The testes will eventually descend,

And the testosterone

Will simply turn her body into a man's.

Thoughts?

Junior snow queen is this weekend.

Just cut them off, and let's get out of here.

- Hey. How's little lady gaga?

Cutting it off.

- Yes. You owe me five bucks.

- Oh, good, you're all here.

I wanted to remind you about the bike-to-work event on Friday.

It's good for you and the environment.

Yeah, this is new jersey.

That ship has pretty much sailed.

- Well, the sign up sheet's on the board

In case you're interested.

Every bit counts. And you get a free t-shirt.

Ooh, slimming.

- Hey, chloe, do you know about this?

I found it in the bathroom.

- Oh, my god. What is happening?

Somebody's mad at you.

- You should totally put this up on your facebook page.

- You guys, this is not funny, okay?

Somebody is harassing me. Who would do this?

I mean, who hates me that much?

- My friend had a stalker once.

He had to make a whole list of potential haters

Before he finally realized

That it was this creepy bartender

He had accidentally made out with,

Like, once months before.

A friend?

- I don't have haters. I'm nice.

Veronica, come here.

- Is dan harris going off the deep end or what?

- We're a little worried about him

Since he declared his war on death.

- Well, yeah, he's a mess. His wife was murdered.

I don't even know what he's doing here.

He should really take some time off.

You should talk to him.

- I tried. He shut me down. Technically, he's my boss.

I can't make him do anything.

I'm putting you with him.

You're the only one who's not afraid of him.

He's in 509--kid who got shot at the gas station.

Oh, I heard about that.

- Only $23 in the cash register, makes me sick.

Took three bullets.

Punctured the lung, damage to the spleen.

They don't think he's gonna make it.

I'm on it.

- Antibiotics haven't touched his fever.

He's becoming progressively tachycardic and hypotensive.

- Well, that sounds like a setup for sepsis or an embolism.

Not on my watch.

Dan...

Don't go nutty on me.

There's ten different ways this kid could die.

His family's already requested a dnr.

Look at that innocent man.

Do you know before virginia apgar,

Babies that were born that were slow to breathe, silent, blue,

Or just a little small were set aside to die.

They were considered unsavable. - Dan--

But they weren't unsavable.

They just required some special care.

It was only virginia apgar,

In a time when no one wanted to listen to a woman doctor,

Who said, "let's try.

Let's aim higher. Let's save the unsavable."

And we did-- millions around the world.

What are you saying?

I'm saying life's precious.

I'm saying let's try.

I'm saying let's save ben shin.