.45

Big Al has a huge cock.

I'm serious. I'm not fucking with you.

Thing... thing is humongous. Okay, it's like-

Looks like it's got little arms and legs and shit. Looks alive

Like I could put it over my shoulder and burp it, know what I'm saying?

It's like a plumbing tool or something. The first time I saw it...

I was like: "Put that thing away.

You ain't coming near me with that monster."

But you know Big Al, you know...

He just kept coming at me.

Y'know he, he looks at me and he says:

Hey, you think you can handle that?

Huh? Think you can? Huh?

I mean...

It was like...

I mean look, I'm competitive, right?

I was, I was in competitive gymnastics in high school.

So, y'know, I took another look at it.

And I was like: well, I could have a hell of a time trying.

You know?

I mean, we had great sex.

Y'know, I'm talking about 'tie me up to the bedpost...

with your dirty sweatsocks' sex, you know what I'm saying?

You know. Big Al

's king of the neighborhood.

Look, you can say what you want about him, Big Al is a great fuck.

Al, what's up?

Sing it.

Hey listen, I got some...

new toasters and some track suits back at the house.

Sign me up.

- Where the fuck is Reilly? - Haven't seen him.

Whoa, careful there, baby.

Hey, baby.

- Hey, Sarge. - Where is he?

Over there.

That mope?

- I thought I told you no mopes. - You said you wanted customers. I got you customers, all right?

Don't worry about it. He's clean. Snssn checked him out.

Go make us some money.

Wait here, okay?

How you doing?

Alright.

Hey, where you from?

- Long Island. - Really?

What can I do for you?

I want a gun.

What are you, a fucking asshole?

You wanna say that a little fucking louder? You wanna broadcast it around the island with the fucking news?

- Sorry. - Huh?

Where on the Island?

Ice Peak.

- Islanders or Rangers? - What?

The Islanders or the fucking Rangers. What are you, a fucking moron?

Rangers.

- Rangers? - Yes.

Is this a fucking interview??

I just want my 45.

Stop!

Liar!

- Enough! - Fuck you!

- What is it? - He's clean.

You got no guns.

- You came in too early. - Too fucking early?

That's right.

- You fucking knew what you were supposed to do. - I did what I was supposed to do.

Hey, you got this? Huh?

Now get your fuckin hands off my fuckin dick and get out of here

Before I fuckin file a harassment suit, you

Fucking fag bisexual fucking Village People.

Get the fuck outta here. Get outta my bar.

- Motherfucker! - I'll fucking get you!

We'll fucking get you!

Kiss my dick, you fucking prick!

Get the fuck outta my bar!

See ya.

You're hot, Baby.

- Yeah? - Sexy.

Let's Get Away resolve an issue.

Big Al

He was always trouble.

Ever since he was born.

Motherfucker! Fucking how?

- What did I do? - I thought you said you and__ had him checked out!

- We did have him checked out. - What, together, you in on the set up or something?

C-section, y'know. 48 hours of labor.

Fucking kid! He was never no good!

I shoulda never had him.

You can't fuckin run an organization like this, ok?

It's sloppy. It's for amateurs.

You gotta... you gotta plan these things right.

What organization are you talking about, Al?

He never comes home for the holidays. I mean, it's Thanksgiving, y'know,

But you're not gonna find him here. No.

No sense of family. No sense of loyalty.

I, I don't know what... I don't know what went wrong with him. I...

I didn't smoke during my pregnancy. I didn't drink, y'know. Not a drop.

Beer and wine, but that's okay.

I'm sick and tired of it, God!

Hey! What are you doing?

I'm fucking taking a piss. Get the fuck off!

You fuck off. You promised me you'd get me out of this neighborhood!

Alright?

Seaside Heights, or Rockway, or Ocean City or something. Look at you pissing on the fucking wall!

Fuck off!

I want to see the real world.

- The real world. - I'm tired of this shit!

What fucking real world? You got the whole fucking world right here!

Aaah Jesus fucking cunt!

Okay, you assholes! Get in here, dinner's ready!

Excuse me, but I just hate Thanksgiving.

No, I didn't raise a murderer. No, the streets did.

Stop it! Stop!

My fucking TV! Hey!

- Motherfucker, come here - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

No! Our TV!

Al, Our new TV!

Motherfucker!

You knocked the guy out.

I don't care about him. Look what he did to the fucking TV!

Did you have to do that, sir?

- I'm Sorry. - Fuck!

Call the cops, c'mon!

You Americans are so violent. I was just trying to rob you.

I don't fucking believe you!

537 West 39th Street. We have an emergency. There's a thief in the house.

Will ya get off the fucking carpet!

It's a Persian original. It's expensive!

I'm sorry. I made a mistake.

I will not come back again. Sorry.

Get off my fucking carpet!

I'm sorry, please don't kill me. I'm sorry, please.

Please, I'm so sorry.

No wonder you couldn't fit through the fucking window.

Look at the size of your ass!

Look at that thing, it looks like a fucking parking lot.

You need to start jogging, you fucking piece of shit!

Please!

I hope you got you're green card.

Please let me go.

Punjabi or what the fuck ever you are.

I'm so sorry!

You make me sick, you understand? You make me fucking sick!

- I am sorry I broke your TV. - You fucks, you come over here,

take our jobs and then... You're fucking parasites. You disgust me.

What the fuck is going on with this country?

What the fuck is happening to this fucking country!?

You know what's wrong with this fucking country?

No, we're... We're being robbed.

I'm sorry, please just let me go!

I have a family and the bus.

A bus? You got a fucking bus downstairs?

I'll take the fucking bus. You want the fucking TV, I'll take your fucking bus!

Ok? Number 6, number 9...

Don't y... don't fucking be clever with me.

I was lying.

That's fucking mine. It's my shit.

- Fucking don't touch it! - I don't really have a bus,

But please, let me go!

Al, I'll take two of the toasters.

And the blue navy suit.

42 regular cause my nephew's coming into town.

- And three cartons of menthol. - Alright.

- Al - Yes.

It's not my fault. I came to the wrong address.

- What happened here? - I caught the fuck trying to rob me.

Lady, please. This crazy he's going to kill me and his girlfriend is...

What are you doing? Stop it! I'm in pain!

- Marge, you like these for the nephew? - Yeah, those are nice.

- These are on the house, okay? - Oh, yeah, nice.

So, uh...

- Cash or credit card? - Cash.

Unless you have some of those nice "hot" cards.

I might. I might. But you got something for me, huh?

Fuck all of you!

Big Al, y'know, his troubles started when my husband and I broke up.

He was Scottish A big fucking boozer!

And he took Al to Scotland, you know?

And when he came back, he was tougher and meaner.

And he never lost that accent either.

Move to the right.

No, that's left.

What the fuck's going on?

He's, uh, he's in the toilet. Arrest him.

- Who is? - The thief!

- Hey, What the fuck are you doing? - Hey!

What the fuck?

- What is this, a fucking joke? - Are you a joke?

- Should I call the cops again? - It's no fucking joke, ok?

I found you a real fucking criminal.

I'm sick and tired of doing your fucking job, okay?

He's in the fucking toilet. Open the door!

Police! Thank god you're here! Oh please, help me!

This guy, he's got drugs all over the house!

Fuckin' joke.

Hey, joker! You piece of shit. They don't have a warrant!

Why don't you read the Constitution of the United States of America

And you guys, hey.

Come on, get this fucking guy outta my house

before I tell your supervisor you're harassing me.