Sex and Breakfast

I'll be right back.

I don't know if you get this.

I mean, I do.

It could just be me, though.

What?

Well, after sex I get this moment of clarity.

It's like five minutes

where I see the world from a peaceful place.

I'm not anxious. I'm not angry.

Not horny.

I just know what's important.

That's all that's important.

Do you ever get that?

Wow.

Not every time. I have.

I definitely know what you're talking about.

You get it every time?

Yeah. You don't feel that now?

Maybe a little.

If you have it right now, tell me what's important.

Pussy. Lots of it.

James.

You. I love you.

I love you too.

You're the girl for me, Heather. I know it.

You do?

Yeah.

Look. I just want you to know that.

I'll do anything to make this work for us.

Me, too.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I guess it's good we have this on tape.

Go back to bed. It's cool.

I'm hungry. I'm gonna get a snack.

You want some?

No, thanks. I'm fine.

Why'd you do that?

Ellis.

What?

Why'd you do that?

Do what?

Embarrass me like that?

Embarrass you? I'm getting leftovers.

The invitation would have been nice, though.

I thought you were tired, okay?

I didn't wanna pressure you.

You want this?

What is it?

It's, um, beef and broccoli.

No.

Eat me, Renee. Eat me. I'm so delicious.

I'll be gross and a waste of money tomorrow.

Please?

Okay. I'll take it.

What do you mean "pressure me"?

You seemed tired.

Well, ask me next time. Just go solo.

It's okay. I do.

Really?

Yep. I'm not dead, you know.

Okay. Me, either.

Good.

When do you do it?

Constantly.

Seriously. How often?

A few times a week.

Where?

I don't know. Wherever.

What about you?

Sometimes.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Shit.

Argh!

It makes me nervous when you do that when I'm driving.

It'll only take a second.

Yeah, but if I stop short and that pencil goes in your eye,

it'd be terrible. Like blood and eye juice everywhere.

Gross.

That's what I'm saying.

Would you still love me?

Yes.

What if there was a pencil permanently sticking out of my eye?

Sure.

When you got close to me, it sprayed eyeball juice all over you.

Could you learn to aim it and use it as a weapon on our enemies?

'Cause if you could do that, I'd be interested.

Yeah. I could do that.

You think I should grow a beard?

No.

I'm not that hairy. Am I?

I don't know.

You're fucking with me 'cause of that thing my mom said.

Maybe she has a point.

Hey, I'm not waxing my legs, okay?

I'm happy with the amount of hair I have,

and I don't need to do anything to thin it out.

Mh-mh.

It's all my fucking testosterone.

That's right, baby.

See, you don't trust me.

I trust you. It's just what you're saying is bull.

It's not bull. It's well documented.

Then let me see the paperwork.

Well, I don't have it on me.

Look, I'm related to Pocahontas. She had a kid with John Smith.

That kid is my great, great, great, granduncle.

Who told you that?

Grandma Josie.

That's the same Grandma Josie who stapled bacon to her dress on Thanksgiving.

Hey, it was turkey bacon. It was cute.

No! It's only three points if you're behind the three-point line, okay?

Everything else is two points. Except foul shots. Those are one each.

And you get two foul shots every time?

No! Every team has five fouls that they can use up

before the other team gets to start shooting.

I don't get it.

You're kidding, right?

I'm nervous, baby.

It's okay. I am, too.

You are?

Of course I am.

Listen, we're just going there to scope it out, okay?

We don't have to do anything. It's just us.

We're in it together.

No, not this thing. You're nervous about this thing?

Not really. I was just comforting you.

You do that a lot.

What?

Lie to comfort me.

Baby, come on. What are you nervous about?

I think we're getting boring.

I don't think I'm boring.

You're not boring. I didn't say that.

What, you think I'm boring?

No!

You just said you weren't boring, like I am.

I didn't mean it that way.

I am not boring. I am fabulous.

I know you are.

We are boring. You and me together.

I hate that we're turning into masturbators.

Turning? I almost went pro when I was 13. I had endorsement deals.

Mm!

They came here?

Not here. Another group, but it's the same thing.

Thank you. Thank you.

I guess our work together has been a success.

Wow.

Okay, okay. I don't want to scare the newbies.

Here we go.

I want to thank you all for coming.

And if you're new, hang around after the lecture tonight

and set up an appointment with me

if this is something that you want to be a part of.

Our pleasure centers are often misunderstood.

Every day I talk with men and women who...

Is this weird enough for you?

Yeah. Definitely.

Physically and emotionally.

I mean, physically, I see people who are too timid to try anything new.

People who don't understand how a penis

or a clitoris actually work.

Emotionally, I see people who are too afraid to share with their husband

or wife, or their girlfriend or boyfriend

that secret desire that hey have locked up inside them.

Our entire sexual experience

is limited to the people that we've slept with.

And for many of us, I mean, that's not more than five

or ten people in a lifetime.

In the traditional take on couples therapy,

the one where you and your partner sit down with a shrink,

doesn't go nearly far enough to solve the physical side.

I know this because I'm a shrink,

and I had, uh, I had sexual problems before.

Analysis just didn't go far enough to solve the whole picture.

I mean, it uncovered the source.

But my partner and I had to educate ourselves

in order to better service each other.

You need to be serviced?

Oh, yeah. Chew me up, baby.

Who in this room has experienced

group sex therapy through my clinic?

And who, who has carried on with group sex therapy

in the privacy of your own home?

Did it open you sexually?

Did it give you something new to share?

Yes!

This is ridiculous.

You still wanna do it?

Of course, we will.

I mean, I really liked what you had to say at your seminar.

We both want to try experimenting with something new.

Uh, we were actually planning some other stuff

but this just seems like a better fit for us.

Oh. What other stuff?

Well, we've been looking into various

thrill seeker programs, you know,

and things like, um, bungee jumping