Scrubs

Our study group was a well-oiled machine.

Drew was in charge, and I was second in command,

Responsiblfor two things, class notes...

Yep, I got the notes right here.

And keeping cole occupied while we did the real work.

Babe, these wheelie shoes are sick!

Okay, I'll just be walking next to someone,

Then I'll start rolling, and they're like, "what?"

And I'm, like, "later, tevas." God, where should I go next?

What in the heck do you have

On the bottom of those sneakers, champ?

Are... are those wheels?

Would you show me your glide? Go ahead. Roll on out.

Get your glide on.

Dr. Cox was scary when he was in his regular mood,

But him in a good mood was utterly terrifying.

Are you all dying to know why I'm in such a festive mood?

Because you're about to do something horrible to us? Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Drew, you and your worthless classmates

Have just won an all-expenses paid trip to...

Hell week...

Six days and seven nights

Of tests, term papers and group projects.

By the end of the week,

One of you is going to have a psychotic break.

How darn good is it to be me right about now?

"just this side of fabulous" is the answer.

- Just this side of fabulous. - As much as Dr. Cox loved torturing us,

Dr. Turk enjoyed all the perks of being chief of surgery.

T-dawg! Looking-good five!

Where's my pastry?

Too sugary.

Hey, nothing's too sugary, woman.

Tell that to your diabetes.

So you worked hard all these years to become chief of surgery

- Just so people would kiss your ass? - No, I get a parking spot, too.

Plus, I get to nickname people whatever I want.

Hey, what's up, mac and cheese? Oh, snap! Ham and cheese!

Oh, rainmaker in the house! What's happenin'?

What was that? Oh, we're taking a break.

Since when? What?

Well, we said "I love you" to each other,

And it's horrible and gross, and I hate myself and him.

Every week is already hell week. How could it get any worse?

Hey, did you have hell week at your med school?

Yes, it stressed me out so much, my throat seized up

- For, like, a year. - God, how bad was it?

I'm not gonna lie.

It left a few psychological marks.

One of you is probably gonna crack.

I'm looking at you, li.

But hey, good luck. Rootin' for ya.

All right, drew, you're our leader.

Let's get this goin'.

Uh, get what going? I rarely listen to you people. No, seriously, big d.,

I fail out of here, I gotta go to med school

In the caribbean. Dude, I don't speak "caribbesian."

So tell us what to do! All right, why does this always have to fall on me?

I don't have the plan. I don't have the answer

To every damn question. Hey, drew's right. Everybody, back up. Give him some spa.

He'll figure out the plan and then text us.

Oh, hell, no!

Yo, somebody's parked in my spot.

Boo-hoo. It takes me 11 minutes to pee.

Do you guys know who "doc x-treme" is?

Russell vaughn... surgeon, best-selling author,

Wrote some book about doctoring in the third world

Called "rebel without a co-pay." what am I supposed to do?

"Take the bullet out of his mistress' jaw

Or take a bullet of your own." I did the surgery.

Then he shot me anyway.

By the way, that mistress is now my wife.

Ye he is a bit of a douche,

But every time he shows up here,

He raises millions for the hospital.

And he has nailed some top-shelf international strange.

Greetings. Hi. Dr. Russell vaughn.

Yeah, I'm Dr. Christopher duncan turk,

Chief of surgery. Listen, man, you parked in my spot.

Okay, I'm sorry. Um, you know, I have to remind myself

That I'm back in the states, where statuss everything.

It's not everything.

It's just that, uh, my spot's in the shade,

And I have leather seats,

And my seats get warm when the sun hits 'em.

I also just recently...

You're going to want to stop talking now.

I just needed a moment of peace and quiet.

The other students will not stop asking me questions.

Oh, puh-lease.

I have a hospital full of incompetents

Hammering me with asinine questions

Every second of every day.

Uh, Dr. Cox? Your patient in 3 is septic.

Antibiotics or vasopressors?

Antibiotics first.

That wasn't so dumb. Wait for it.

Oh, did you get my request

For scrubs that hug a little closer to my wam-bam?

Thank you, todd,

For being the example to a point that you don't understand.

You're welcome.

I didn't ask to be put in charge.

I know, number one, but that's who we are.

We have been blessed and cursed

With intelligence and wonderful hair,

And people follow. You're just going to have to deal with that

The rest of your life. No, I'm done babysitting.

I don't want to be a leader. I just want to be a good doctor.

Fair enough.

...From the same surgery...

Um, is there something I can help you with, russell?

Actually, I'm... I'm helping you.

Dr. Cox told me to jump on any cases that interested me.

I've got everything under control in this... Room.

Why don't you go and russell up your own case?

Clever. I was just telling irene here

That it looks as though she's gonna need a septal myomectomy. Mm.

Russell, I'll decide which treatment is best

For my patients.

We'll probably go with what he said.

11 minutes to answer a page? Really? Embarrassing.

It's 4:00 in the morning.

Hey, bedhead, what are those, horses on your pajamas?

Well, I didn't do my laundry. I have nothing else to wear.

Except more horse pajamas.

Here are the case histories for your group projects.

You will test, diagnose and come up with treatments

For each of your fake patients.

You will then present your findings in three days.

Number one, you don't have to work with these stooges anymore.

I have a very special project for you.

Where's the rich jackass?

I love hell week.

So what's my project?

Your project is to avoid them,

Because they are vampires,

Time-sucking monsters who will tolture you

With stupid questions, mind-numbing incompetence

And petty emotional problems.

"I'm so stressed.

I feel like I want to kill myself."

Well, what are you waiting for? Do it.

Okay. Great. So what exactly is my project?

I want you to focus on yourself,

On your abilities,

On becoming the amazing doctor I know you can be.

Thank you so much.

Again, really unclear about what my project is.

You're just gonna shadow me

- And stay the hell away from them. Listen to me, son... - Hey, drew!

Go. Save yourself.

What?

Run!

Hello, blondie. Is there anything I can do for you?

Uh, I was just gonna ask drew

Who he thought the next leader of our group should be.

You.

You're the one.

Yeah? You think so?

No. I just said that because you're the first one I saw.

Jambo, doctors. Jambo. That's swahili for "hello"

Or "good morning." oh, is it? Really? 'cause I know what it means.

I had jambo juice this morning...

A berry blast with an echinacea boost.

It was delicious I'm-a live forever.

You'll be dead. I'll be alive, though. I'll be alive!

Wow. You sure you didn't get a fem boost in there?

That was pretty catty.

It's just that russell ticks me off, you know?

He comes in here with his book and his rope bracelets

And his... his wanting to help me with surgeries.

I don't need anybody's help.

Yeah. This isn't about surgery.

This is abouall the attention russell's getting.

You're jealous.

If I'm gonna be jealous of someone,

It's gonna be a dude who can breathe underwater

Or... or Serena Williams.

That ass is righteous.

I'm just saying, you're kind of acting like a 13-year-old girl.

Oh, my god. There's drew. Yeah.

Did he see me? Yes.

Is he coming over here? Yes, he is.

Oh, crap. Hey, drew.

Hey. Oh! Hey... There...

You.

Afternoon, good sir.

Your face is looking quite... Normal.

All right. Okay. Yeah.

Okay.

So I thought we could start with a little bonding game...

"two truths and a lie."

I'll start.

I am from a small fishing town in maryland,

Horses are my favorite animal,

And I once made love

With tennis great pete sampras.

"pistol" pete?

Damn, that's hot.