Bob Hearts Abishola

Screw Uber!

I'm with you yellow dudes.

I know you all drive around in circles

to jack up the fare, that's cool.

I respect the hustle.

By the way, if you smell something funny,

it's me.

I haven't taken a bath in, like, three days.

At this point, I'm making my own gravy.

And you know why?

Because being clean and daisy-fresh

is for guys with girlfriends and jobs.

All I got is this roadie of bourbon

and my new friend...

Pamir.

Hey, Pamir, did I say it right?

- Yes. - All right, Pamir!

_

What's going on?

Making Mom dinner.

Look at you guys stepping up.

Just trying to show how much we love her.

Nice, what you making?

Lasagna and Caesar salad with homemade dressing.

Ah.

Bufalino's Trattoria?

It's a chain, but I'm sure there's some Italians there.

So, cooking Mom dinner meant going to get

takeout from a restaurant?

Oh, no. They delivered.

Took a while.

That's why we're reheating it.

In the oven, not the microwave.

'Cause we love her.

Quickly, come and see this.

What's going on?

Just come.

Do Nigerians eat pasta?

Of course.

I told you they eat regular food.

- What's going on? - Stand next to your mother.

Okay.

Go ahead, Mrs. Wheeler.

Oh, my God!

- It's amazing! - I don't believe it!

Pretty good, huh?

- Ah! - Ooh, kick me, kick me!

Ow!

Easy, Bruce Lee.

Okay, my turn, my turn!

Ooh! Child abuse! Child abuse!

I told you you could do it.

You were right, thank you.

I am so happy for you, Mom.

- Thank you, Bobby. - Yeah.

Before you know it, you'll be out of this chair,

back in your own house, living your life...

back in your own house.

What I want is to go back to work.

And you will...

eventually.

I'm going in on Monday.

The Monday coming up?

That's the one.

You sure you're ready?

Yeah, you don't want to jump back into work

until you, you know, can jump a little.

Yeah, but you could always call us or FaceTime.

Or, heck, you could get

old school and write us a letter.

You have such beautiful handwriting.

You guys don't want me to come back.

- No... - No...

Nope.

Well, it doesn't matter.

Last time I looked, I'm still

the majority shareholder of MaxDot,

so playtime is over.

We haven't been playing.

We've been working real hard.

They actually have.

"Actually"?

I used the word correctly.

How exactly is this gonna work?

I mean, you're still kind of

incapacitated.

Abishola's gonna help me.

You're coming to the office?

Is that a problem?

No, although I would've liked a heads up.

Why?

That's a great question.

Do I smell lasagna?

No.

No.

I am so excited about your mother.

Yeah.

Something tells me you are not.

No, no. I'm real happy she's getting better.

It's just, her being back at work kind of...

I want to choose my words carefully here.

It makes me sick with fear.

You are joking.

Nope, the stomach acid is coming

right up into my throat as we speak.

I will admit I have seen her be difficult at times.

No, what you've seen is a woman

in her golden years dealing

with a very serious health setback.

What I'm talking about is

the embodiment of evil in a blue pantsuit.

You are exaggerating.

You know why my father died so young?

- Why? - Because he wanted to!

It was his only way out!

That is a terrible thing to say.

Well, you don't know.

You've only seen the Bride of Frankenstein

before the lightning hits her neck bolts.

I can't believe

- you can be so disrespectful. - Yeah.

It'd be disrespectful if it wasn't true.

Do your brother and sister feel the same way?

If I know Douglas and Christina,

they don't feel anything right now.

Dad did it right.

Heart attack's the only way to get away from Mom.

Nothing beats the sweet release of a massive coronary.

What are you doing?

Trying to have a heart attack.

Wait, I'll join you.

Ah, heart attacks are hilarious.

They're really hard.

I think what you are forgetting is that your mother has had

a brush with death, and that changes people.

Sure.

It's true.

It gives them perspective and compassion.

You're adorable.

Goodbye, Bob.

No kiss?

I don't kiss disrespectful sons.

Well, you could close your eyes

and pretend I'm someone else!

_

That's not her usual sour puss, is it?

Nope. That is a more puckered puss than usual.

Can we please just eat?

- Sorry. - Okay.

How could I have gotten involved with such a terrible man?

Ah, Bob is the lemon she's sucking on.

- Forget it. - Nah, come on.

What'd the sock man do?

He doesn't want his mother to go back to work,

even though it is good for her recovery.

That's terrible?

Here I was, thinking you caught him with a hooker.

- What? - That's just me.

It's where my mind goes.

I went there, too.

A good son would put her needs first.

She's right.

Where we come from, elders must be respected above all else.

You guys always say that... this isn't Nigeria.

In America, we show our respect by moving

as far away from our parents as possible.

And you're proud of that?

Yes.

That's how this country was built.

You ever heard the phrase, "Go West, young man"?

What that really means is "Stay East, Mom."

Is that how you feel about your mother, hmm?

Kemi, when my mother retired and moved to Hawaii,

you know what my first thought was?

Damn, now I can't go to Hawaii.

That doesn't make any sense... it's the Hawaiian Islands.

You can just visit a different one.

No, they're too close together. She'd know I was there.

- _ - Good morning.

Are you ready for your first day back at work?

I don't know, maybe Bob was right.

Maybe it is too soon.

Don't listen to him.

You need to stay positive.

Mm, I'm trying, I'm just worried I'm not up to it.

Yes, you are.

You are getting stronger every day.

Remember how wonderful it felt to kick your children?

That was fun.

You'll be fine.

And I'll be right there with you.

Thank you, Abishola.

Now, eat your breakfast,

and I'll pull out some nice clothes for you to choose from.

Get me the blue pantsuit.

Okay.

I can't believe I'm scared to go back to my own company.

That is natural, it will pass.

Yeah, I hope so.

I'm not the woman I once was.