In Living Color

This is Debbie Woodruff coming to you live from the corner of Anderson and Wilder...

- - Where just moments ago a fire has erupted...

- - Leaving three dead and possibly two others wounded.

I have with me Officer Douglas Danforth of Precinct 26.

- Officer Danforth? - Uh, yes, Debbie.

Officer, early reports have indicated that these deaths are organized crime-related.

- Can you confirm this? - It would certainly seem so, Debbie.

The victims were all known to be affiliated with the Perigi crime family.

As you know, the family has been torn by a bloody power struggle...

since last month's death of the reputed godfather Roberto Perigi.

So do you have positive identifications on these victims?

We won't be positive until we can check for dental records.

But these men were well known around the neighborhood...

as well as the family in question.

But just tonight, I've been speaking with some local residents...

and they seem very reluctant to say anything about these men.

Is that for fear of reprisals?

I'm gonna have to say partially. Despite its troubles...

the Perigi family remains a force in this community.

Certainly, nobody wants to go on record identifying these men as criminals.

But you also have to realize that the community...

These men are commanded. They got respect from the community.

But that money... Does that come at a price?

Uh, they're family men, and absolutely, it does come at a price.

We're talkin' business loans at up to 50% interest.

And, believe me, if you didn't pay on time...

you won't be, uh, very lucky.

I see. Uh, do you have any leads...

on who might want these men dead?

Right now, our best guess is it was an inside job...

perhaps linked to the reports that an internal battle...

- -

So wait a second. Do you see these deaths...

as the end of a bloody power struggle, or just the beginning?

Uh, rival organizations may see this, uh, as their chance...

to rid themselves of the Perigi family once and for all.

So what you're saying is, the community can rest easy tonight?

Uh, I wish I knew, Debbie. In the meantime...

residents of the community will surely feel increased police presence.

We're on top of the matter, and I'd like to stress...

that nobody in this community has anything to fear.

Thank you very much, Officer Danforth.

Again, three are dead, two are wounded...

and the culprits are still at large.

From the corner of Anderson and Wilder, this is Debbie Woodruff.

Back to you in the studio. And one more thing I might say.

If you can tune in this evening...

and make sure if you have any news or any speculation on who these men might be...

please call our studio and let us know as soon as possible.

Thank you very much. Back to you, Bob.

This hearing is called to order. We have called together this committee...

to investigate violence on television and its effects on young people.

Miss Reno, you may begin.

Well, I feel it is only fitting to begin with the worst offender.

That's why I have subpoenaed Mr. Wile E. Coyote.

Yeah. Excuse me, but my name is no longer Wile E. Coyote...

but Will E. Coyote, because Wile E. Is a mutt's name, and I am not a dog.

I think this trial is a joke, and I have been railroaded.

Mr. Coyote, do you know why you're here?

Somethin' about, you know, I didn't pay my child support or somethin' like that.

But, hey, man, it's hard for coyotes. You know what I'm sayin', man?

With this whole Jurassic Park... They didn't ask me to do a part.

This has nothing to do with child support.

You are accused of portraying irresponsible violence on television.

Man, you know what? Why you comin' down on a workin' dog like me?

You know what I'm sayin'? I mean, you know, I just don't understand you.

I go to the mall. I have to deal with all these little kids and all this other kind of stuff.

I ain't even got no genitals. You know how hard is it on me?

Mr. Coyote, do you have any legal representation?

- Well, I certainly have. - Is counsel present?

He sure is.

- State your name for the record. - My name is ElmerJ. Fudd.

- I'm a warrior and a big game hunter. - Yeah, he got skills.

He's still tryin' to get that Hooked On Phonics class goin' on.

I would like to submit that my "quient" has never ever set a bad example for children.

My quient "woves" children.

That's what I'm sayin'. You know, 'cause like, uh...

I used to have my own little theme park, you know...

with, like, a little Ferris wheel and everything.

Then somebody investigated somethin' about, you know...

I had molested a child or somethin' like that.

- But, you know... - He only sniffed him.

That's exactly right. You know, we just slept together.

Nothin' ever happened. You know what I'm sayin'?

Nothin' ever happened. We were just sleepin' together. You know what I'm sayin'?

- - Mr. Coyote... Mr... Mr. Coyote!

He had some honey on him.

Mr. Coyote, you've influenced millions of kids.

How do you account for the 14-year-old boy who held up this sign...

right before jumping off the edge of the Grand Canyon?

You're gonna blame that on me, huh?

You're gonna blame that on... Let me tell... Let me tell you somethin', man.

That's some old-school stuff. We don't even do that no more. You know what I'm sayin'?

Look, I'm just a K-9 tryin' to get paid.

Shh!

Be very, very quiet. You might "inquiminate" yourself.

Senator, children everywhere are even swallowing accordions because of this coyote.

I ain't never swallowed an accordion in my entire life.

Y'all just singlin' me out 'cause I'm a brother.

- Are you insinuating racial bias here? - That's what I'm sayin'.

'Cause ain't no other 'toons out there but Daffy Duck, Heckle and Jeckle.

Hey, where's that honky Casper the Friendly Ghost? You know what I'm sayin'?

- Where's Blueberry Hound and his blue ass? - You're out of order!

I'm out of order? You're out of order!

She's out of order! The whole damn "twial" is out of order!

That's about enough, Counselor Fudd.

Now, do you have anything to say on your client's behalf?

Senators, I submit to you, my quient is guilty of no "wongdoing"...

but in "actuwowity," it is the fault of the Acme Company...

where he gets his "suppwies."

Yeah, you tell 'em, Elmer. Take, for example, this bird seed.

Now, look. Mr. Bobo would have it...

where, uh, if a roadrunner would eat this bird seed, he'd be fine.

But if I'm chasin' a roadrunner all day...

and then I eat a little bird seed, look at this.

- Look what happens to me. -

Mr. Coyote, senators, these are Earthquake Pills.

That's exactly my point. It's "miswabeled."

And take a "wook" at this "umbwella."

It's very, very "fwimsy."

Yeah. Now, this is supposed to protect my hair from fallin' objects.

Mr. Coyote, you can put that away. Nothing's gonna fall on your head here.

Well, you never know when somethin' might fall on your head, because...

Whoop! There it is!

See, all I get is chuckles. That's all I get is chuckles.

You know, I'm tired of this, man. They're just chucklin' and laughin' at me, man.

I just want some respect. I don't want no money, no change, you know.

- I just want a tail for my a... - You're out of order.!

Gentlemen, I find it hard to believe...

that these lovely Acme products are at fault.

I mean, if what you say is true, I can simply come here...

and press down on this harmless detonator with no battery and no dynamite and...

- No! - No!

I told you.

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are perfect.

Welcome once again to the show by, for and about women...

Go On, Girl!

All right. I'm your host, Shawanda Harvey.

Many of you have read my book Eve Stands Alone...

in which I celebrate the independence of women.

I go one step further with my new book, Adam, Take Back Your Damn Rib.

All right. Our topic for today's show is the always controversial Madonna.

Is she helpin' to empower women, or is she allowing herself to be exploited in a man's world?

Please welcome my guests. To my right is Sandra Bernhard.

All right. Sandra...

you are strong, you are beautiful, you are perfect.

Oh, don't I know it, sister? I am fabulous.

And to my left is Rosie O'Donnell.

Rosie. You are strong, you are strong, you are strong.

- Thanks, Shawanda. You too, babe. - All right.

Well, uh... Now, sisters, you both know Madonna.

Madonna and I used to be good "friends."

But then she dumped me and decided to go slumming.

Well, uh, Rosie...

you and Madonna were in the movie A League of Their Own.

Now, that was a celebration of the equality of women.

You bet your perfect little boobies, honey.

I think it's obvious Madonna is a perfect example...

of a woman who has done it her way.

Believe me, baby, the slut has done it every way.

Okay? I mean, she's done it with men...

without men, with women, without women...

with men who used to be women, with German shepherds...

Okay, okay.

The point is, she used men when it suited her and trashed 'em anytime she felt like it.

Well, trash is the operative word here, okay?

She is trash that will not burn, sister, okay?

You'll find out. When she is through with you...

she'll dump you like a Chevy Chase talk show.

Looks like somebody took a little bitter pill this morning.

Oh, take this, Rotunda O'Donnell.

No, no, no, no, no. Please, sisters, sisters, sisters.

Let's try to keep this from getting personal.

Now, in the spirit of sisterhood, let's hear a "Go on, girl."

- Go on, girl. - Go on, girl.

All right. We're talkin' about Madonna as a role model for other women.

Now, it would appear to me at times that...

she seems to allow herself to be sexually exploited by men.

- I think you got that backwards. - Oh, God.

She's done it backwards, she's done it forwards, she's done it sideways...

You are still pissed because she dumped you for Warren Beatty, okay?