The Nutty Professor

Hey, hey

Let's sweat!

Macho, macho man Macho man

Come on!

I've got to be

That's right! Shake it, honey!

A macho man

Macho, macho man

Oh, yeah! Like a pony! I'm a pony!

I've got to be a macho

Don't you feel like a pony when you sweat?

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

Go! Do it!

Come on! Here we go!

One! Two! This is my favorite exercise!

Come on! Five!

Whoa!

Macho, macho man

Macho! Macho! Oh!

I've got to be

I'm a pony!

A macho man

Come on, let's go! Do it! Come on!

I've got to be a macho

I'm vogueing! You can vogue!

Can you feel it?

I've got to be a macho man

Oh!

I'm going to have an aneurysm.

Oh!

My calves are burning!

This is our science department.

The genetics wing.

I'll remind you we are in the vanguard of research.

Get Klump in here now!

Professor Klump. Good morning.

Hey, Professor! Good morning.

Morning. Morning.

Morning. Good morning, Professor Klump.

How are you?

Morning.

Oh, my goodness.

Professor Klump. The cages. What happened?

That is most peculiar, Jason,

because I distinctly remember locking up last night.

I locked these cages,

picked up my portfolio and turned around...

(STUDENTS GASPING AND CHATTERING)

Oh.

I must've grazed the switch.

Shelley's the only one that didn't get out.

Good. I'll tend to Shelley.

You students take care of this. Excuse me.

Hello, Shelley.

How are you today, my little powder puff?

Yeah. Yeah.

Sir?

You may want to look at the latest test results.

I'm not sure if I'm reading them correctly.

She's lost three ounces since the last feed?

Must be some kind of mistake.

No, no, Jason.

Her entire molecular structure has been realigned.

We've done it. This new formula's working.

It's actually reconstructed Shelley's DNA.

She lost 20% of her body fat in one feeding.

What if we upped the dosage?

No, one step at a time. We don't want to jeopardize Shelley.

We'll keep the feedings as scheduled.

Okay.

Schedule. Excuse me. I'm very late.

Students, we got a lot of work to do

and don't have much time to do it in.

Trying to win a grant here.

So, as Arsenio used to say, "Let's get busy!"

Comfy?

Quite.

Anything I can get for you? Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?

No, sir, I'm fine.

You did want to see me about something, didn't you, sir?

Well, Professor Klump,

allow me to answer that question

by posing another.

Why are you trying to destroy my school?

Beg your pardon, sir?

Do you know who Louise Vindovik is?

Oh, surely, sir.

She's a lovely woman

who so generously donates money

to help fund our science department.

Close. Very close. But wrong.

See, she was a lovely woman,

and she used to fund our science department.

That was before she was hospitalized

for nearly swallowing a gerbil.

Not gerbil, sir. A hamster.

Gerbils are more streamlined

and hamsters have a tendency to be fluffier.

The male hamster's scrotum has a tendency

to be disproportionately...

Never mind.

Those National Rifle people are right.

If I had one now...bang.

Sir, I'd like to concentrate on the positives.

What Miss Vindovik witnessed was 5,000 healthy hamsters

bred from a genetically deficient hereditary line.

It's actually very exciting.

Do I look excited, Klump?

No, you don't look excited at all.

But maybe you might be holding it in, your excitement,

not wanting to express it.

Now listen to me carefully, you fat tub of goo.

For years you've single-handedly alienated

every wealthy donor we've had.

Air-conditioning schools are outdrawing us!

We've lost so much money, red is our school color.

Inner-city schools have better computers than we do.

Bosnia wants to give us money!

I'm going to set up a meeting with Harlan Hartley...

Klump! Are you listening?

Yes, sir. Yes.

Hartley is the last rich alumnus we've got.

And he's a science fan.

And he's considering donating a $10 million grant to this school.

And I want that money, Klump.

Yourjob depends upon it.

I'll let you know how to handle it,

since I'll be watching you. Now go.

But, sir, I don't know if you should...

See, right back there,

just before you said "But, sir" right there?

That was the end of the meeting.

Well, I guess I'll leave.

You have a pleasant day.

Grace, the cream has turned again.

Of all the equations you'll learn

during the course of your studies here,

this equation shall be, I promise you,

the most helpful

throughout the course of your studies,

because this equation fundamentally breaks down

what DNA is composed of,

and what components of DNA...

I seem to have messed myself.

I haven't really messed myself.

I mean, I messed my shirt up.

But make sure you read chapter 4

in your textbooks on genetics.

Gonna be a pop quiz on Wednesday.

There's a pop quiz. Pop quiz.

Professor Klump?

Hello.

Oh. Hi. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

I was looking for Professor Klump.

I'm him. I'm he.

I'm Sherman Klump.

Never mind. I do that all the time.

Makes the...table look more festive,

and the kids enjoy it.

The yellow and green and purple rolling around.

The table's more colorful and...

Would another time be better? I could always...

No, no, don't be ridiculous.

I'm between classes and I got a minute to chat.

How can I help you?

Hi. I'm Carla Purty.

Hello, Miss Purty.

I'm a grad student.

I'm teaching my first chemistry class across the hall.

Okay.

I just had to come over and introduce myself.

I've followed your work for many years,

and I'm a big fan.

Well, thank you very much. I'm fatter...

Flattered that you've been following my work

the way you have.

A chemistry teacher.

Chemistry sure is important to have...chemistry...

to have and use it.

Chemically... Chemistry.

Well...

It's been a pleasure meeting you.

Oh, the pleasure was all mine, Miss Purty.

And hope to see you around.

Well, you can't miss me.

Have a good day.

You do the same, Miss Purty.

Mmm-mmm.

Now, that's fine. She's fine.

Oh, this is so fabulous.

Ain't nothing like getting together with family and having a good meal.

Cletus, take this bowl. It's hot.

God damn, Sherman,

it's almost like we don't see your ass no more.

Good to see you, Son.

You think you too good

to spend time with your family every now and then?

I've been real busy, Ernie.

I don't want no potatoes.