Cassino in Ischia

And the nominees for the Best Yell

in an Action Film are...

Vin Spiegel in Go Forth Gut-wrenched.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven, six,

five, four, three...

And Professor Piero Pomponi for Bad Informations.

And Brick Maxwell for The Big Bang II:

Light the Fuse.

And Nic Cassino for Spike Five: Death Match 3000.

And the award goes to...

My God! Brick Maxwell! Ooh! Brick Maxwell

for The Big Bang II: Light the Fuse!

Whoo!

How about a Slow Screw Against the Wall?

Can you believe this kid?

Can't even do a pushup

and he's the new face of action films.

Please.

Estrogen is the new testosterone.

The demographic is changing

and they want a new kind of hero.

One who's a little more vulnerable.

Shit, it's all done with computers anyway.

That's what I'm saying, Jack. Award's for action films.

Not action cartoons. Hmm.

- The stuff I do is real. - Yeah.

Fire, explosions, car chases.

- This scar. Morocco, 2016. - Yeah.

You won this award three years running. Yeah.

And your next film is testing through the roof.

You're still young.

Jack, I'm 53.

Fifty is the new 20.

Yeah, right.

Fifty. Still haven't done my Streetcar Named Desire.

The world needs to see...

...the Brando.

I'm gonna swallow a bug.

Why don't you come by my office tomorrow, we can talk.

I might have something for you. A Disney project.

- Disney? - Disney.

Family films? Yeah, why not?

Yeah, could show my range.

Exactly. It's an opportunity for you.

Interesting.

Magilla Gorilla?

What?

It's got heat. They're talking ensemble cast.

Check this out. Danny DeVito as Mr. Peebles.

I'm not playing a gorilla, Jack! That's where I draw the line.

You're not gonna play a gorilla.

Just lend your voice. No!

The old man would turn in his grave

if he knew his son was playing an ape.

Nic, it's a payday.

It could be a future franchise.

What's happening with The Horseman?

Listen, I gotta call you back.

They're going with Brick Maxwell.

They wanted someone a little more...

prepubescent.

What? What does that mean?

Younger, Nic.

They wanted someone younger.

Look, kid, it happens fast in this business.

One day, you're on the top of the hill,

the next day you're over it.

It kills me that you're not getting the parts.

Believe me.

I raised my tent on your pole. Remember?

Spike? Spike II? Spike III?

But things change.

Yesterday, it was underdog action heroes.

Today, it's... teenage zombies.

Hey, here's something you might like.

No cartoons, Jack. Not now.

- No cartoons. - No. No, no.

A festival in Italy wants to do a retrospective on your career.

Why don't you take Aurora and have a nice trip?

I haven't seen her since the awards.

Uh, a retrospective? Then go yourself.

The Italians have always loved your films.

Sure. Like, where? Where is it?

In Naples. The Giffoni Film Festival.

Hmm.

I could use a bit of love.

I think.

Mr. Cassino? We're ready to go.

Great.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Stay, stay, stay! Just a moment! Stay!

The director of the film is in attendance

and will be available for a Q&A.

Stay! Stay, stay, stay!

Please! Just a moment!

A question?

I have a question.

The American superhero, Nic Cassino?

Where is the conference?

Uh, Lore, do you remember Fausto?

We taught filmmaking together

at the Centro Sperimentale.

Ah, yes, of course. The days of hope and glory.

I told Fabrizio,

any service I can provide to help his career.

I am, as we say in Naples...

Whatever you need.

Do you sell life insurance?

Ah!

It was a joke.

Fabrizio, you know, it's late.

The hydrofoil for Ischia is leaving in an hour.

And Ombretta?

She's outside trying to get a signal.

Nello is calling to meet us at the port.

So, very nice to meet you. Bye.

Our daughter.

She's an actress.

Can we go now? Yes, we go.

Is it Lello? Nello.

Nello, Lello. What's the difference?

"Marry and buy cattle

from your own town and you won't be let down."

Yes. Of course.

- A lot of good it did me. Hmm. - Jack!

Yep, safe and sound.

Could've warned me about the Amalfi drive.

You know what I'm like with heights.

Hey, I got some news for you.

Mm-hmm? The Horseman came through?

You sittin' down?

Uh... I am now. I'm sitting.

What's the news?

Not that kind of news.

Uh-huh? - Aurora came by.

- Right? - She's filing for divorce.

Hmm. Interesting. That's... That's terrific.

Yeah! I love you, too.

My wife's filing for divorce.

Yeah, she's off with Brick... Brick Maxwell.

Noodle arms. Spaghetti arms.

The guy who pretends he's an action hero.

Really not. I love you, too.

Jack, you need to get me out of this.

You wanna use the food allergy routine?

Yeah. Whatever, yeah.

I'll try to hold the jet for you.

Right. Uh, wait. Uh, Jack. Um...

I need some time. Is there...

any place out here where I can stay low for a few days?

Well, George Clooney's villa

is up for sale.

But it's way up north.

What about Sofia's?

Vin Spiegel's staying there.

They're prepping Sergeant Stone.

Right, well-- God.

Anywhere where no one knows who I am.

- All right. - Wait a second.

There's an Italian actress who's got a villa nearby.

Place called Ischia.

Yeah. Ischia. Sounds great. All right.

Nello, I introduce my mother, Lorella.

Nice to meet you. And my father, Fabrizio.

It's a pleasure and an honor to meet you.

I've heard so much of your films.

- Have you seen any of them? - No.

But I feel as I have.

Ombretta has spoken of them so often.

Such courage to make a three-hour film

in this day and age.

Courage? Interesting point of view.

Listen, Lello. Nello.

Sorry. Nello. We are very tired.

Six hours on the train, three hours at the festival.

Can we just go to the hydrofoil?

Papa. Nello has a surprise for you.

- Yes? - Yes.

A private boat and tour.

Wow. Hmm.

And as we reach the end of our tour,

I'd like to show you the most beautiful jewels

of our exotic island.

I am speaking, of course,

of the many celebrity villas here in Ischia.

We are in the district of Zaro.

And here, at one time or another,

famous director Luchino Visconti,

international actress Liz Taylor,

and her lover, Richard Burton,

made Ischia their summer residence.

Sorry, can you close it?

Thank you.

And so, signori, I now bid you arrivederci.

Auf Wiedersehen.