Modern Family

Okay, let's see...

Oh, could you grab me an extra virgin...

- I think one's enough for the sacrifice. - Olive oil, Phil.

Come on. That's funny.

Oh, it's funnier than your freestyle "sandwich rap."

Girl, you crazy.

I'm mad fun to shop with.

Sweetie, my shoe. Come on. Jesus. God.

Hello.

Hi.

Oh, roadblock.

- Beep beep! - Pardon me.

- Oh! - Are you okay?

Actually, not okay.

Not okay.

Honey, did you pull from the bottom again?

So after hors d'oeuvres,

we'll bring everyone in here to share the news.

We're having the family over tomorrow night

to tell them we're planning on adopting a new baby.

Yes, and we both agreed

to--to go a little more low-key with the announcement this time.

Okay, just to be clear, this is low-key?

It's a banner

and just some light musical accompaniment, Mitchell.

I don't have a lower key.

Besides, this is a happy occasion. Am I right, Lily?

Aren't you excited to get a new baby brother?

No! I hate the baby!

We are having a slight issue

getting Lily on board with the adoption.

"I hate the baby."

"No new baby."

"I wanna make the baby dead."

I thought we weren't gonna share that one.

I-I-I just hope that the problem is

she hasn't spent much time with any babies.

So we thought it would be a great idea

to show her how much fun it'll be to have one around.

Oh, he is so cute!

Yeah, and he never cries.

Literally never. It's actually a little weird.

Oh, no, that's not weird.

My sister was born with a full set of teeth.

- Yeah, that never happened. - Oh.

No? Really? You should've seen her crib.

It looked like beavers lived there.

Oh, is this Lily?

Oh, yes, it is. Hey, honey. Say hi to the baby.

- My Daddy! - Oh!

Okay, so that's one problem solved.

Bye! See you soon!

Or never.

Cam, I'm a little freaked out about what Lily did.

Oh, please. She barely touched him,

and he went from zero to big crybaby.

We're talking about bringing another child into this house.

How's that gonna work with Lily being so possessive of you?

Why am I hearing an accusatory tone?

Oh, come on. You have to admit that you do coddle her.

I will not apologize for loving our daughter.

I'm not criticizing.

I'm not only criticizing,

but we did talk about giving Lily a little more independence.

Yeah, which is why we put her in preschool.

Yes, but you can't bear to leave her there.

You always pick her up early.

That is ridiculous.

Okay. Okay.

Lily, honey,

did daddy pick you up early from preschool today?

No.

Case closed.

We didn't go.

Case opened.

We went shopping.

That's enough.

We bought matchy hats.

You are going to your room.

You're both going to her room.

Do we spend a lot of time together? Yes.

Do we have a special bond? Absolutely.

But do I coddle her more than any other loving parent?

Mm-hmm.

It's possible.

And for Lily's sake, I should probably work on that.

No, you calm down!

This is how I talk when somebody accuses my Manny of stealing.

- Who is that? - It's the principal.

He's saying that Manny stole some girl's locket.

What, do you think that all Colombians are criminals

because a Colombian necktie

is a symbol of violence all over the world?

No, no, I'm not threatening you.

Okay. Apology accepted.

No, I didn't mean anything about the necktie.

I just-- I was trying to make a point.

Could you "L" A little less "O L"?

Don't you see what I'm trying to do here?

Die alone?

Girls, dinner!

You know, why does Luke get his own room,

and I still have to share with you? I can't take it anymore.

Me either, even if it is just for one more year...

When I leave for college.

It is one more year or when you leave for college?

Because those happen to be two different things.

So I hear this little voice coming from the cans

and it's like...

"Help! I fell in the peaches!"

That's Mom!

- Hilarious! - So hilarious.

I'm like, "Claire?"

You might wanna tell them that it was you

who pushed me into the peaches in the first place.

This again? I wasn't even near you.

Yes, you were! You knocked me with the cart.

It was completely your fault.

Well, let's just agree to disagree.

No. I-I disagree to disagree.

Then you agree.

No. No, I don't, because I'm right.

Okay, Claire. You're right.

As usual.

No, I am right.

Like always.

Stop it. When I am wrong, I admit it.

Which is never.

Fine. Fine.

Aah!

You're a little jumpy tonight, Manny. Anything wrong?

No. Well, I'm just gonna--

Have a seat, kid.

You know, maybe it's me,

but I thought you were kinda squirrelly tonight, you know,

before when your mom was on the phone with the principal.

Almost like you wanted to say something...

But you just couldn't.

Anything you wanna say now, Manny?

No. I have nothing to say.

You sure about that?

Think real hard.

Could I get a glass of water?

That girl's locket-- you took it, didn't you?

Um...

- Didn't you? - Yes. Yes, I took it.

- I didn't mean to. - I don't wanna hear any excuses.

You're gonna tell your mom, and you're gonna set this right.

Do you understand?

All right, get out of here.

Just one more thing.

You're not, um...

You're not wearing that locket, are you?

No. Of course not.

It's a girl's. Why would I want to wear it?

It's no reason.

Mom, hurry up! I don't want to be late for school.

You didn't tell her, did you?

What's the hurry this morning?

Okay, what's with the looks?

- It's like a silent movie in here. - Okay.

I was walking behind this girl Alicia, who's moving away,

and I was working up the courage to get her new address

so I can write her.

I express myself a lot better on paper than--

Tick-tock, kid.

Well, she dropped her locket, and I picked it up,

but she kept walking, and I...

You stole the locket.

After I told the principal

that you could have never done something like that,

and I threaten him with the Colombian necktie!

Manny, why?

Don't worry. It wasn't 'cause he wanted to wear it.

I thought I could keep it as something to remember her by.

But then you were yelling at Mr. Vickers,

and I-I was just too scared to tell you.

Go to the car.

- I'm really sorry. - Go.

Why would he do something like that?

It's bad enough that he's the boy with the pan flute

and the puffy shirts and--and the poems.

Now he's the jewelry thief.

Might be an upgrade.

Ay, Jay, this is not funny.

Those things stick to you.

My cousin Rosa Marina--

when she was 14, she stole something, and after that,

everybody thinks of her as the girl who steals cars.

She stole a car?

Cars.

But after she got that label, what else could she do?

Listen, you can't control what kids think,

but you can make sure he learns from this.

You take him to the principal's office,

he owns up to it, he never does it again.

Okay. Okay.

But what was he thinking?

This is not even real gold.

No way, Haley! It was my idea! I'm taking this room!