Superstore

- Whoo! - Party bus.

Okay, a toast! To our girl Sandra...

Whoo-whoo...

For being awesome,

for finding true love,

and most importantly,

for giving me my first chance

to par-tay in, like, decades.

Thank you.

All right, let's get drunk

and take this bitch to see a horse.

You guys are the best. I love you all.

- Aw... - Aw!

Wait! Don't eat that.

They're filled with laxatives.

What? Why?

I mean, I get that some of you may have that problem.

For the record, I do not.

My doctor is begging me to eat less fiber.

I won't do it.

I wanted Sandra to get sick

so tomorrow would be ruined, okay?

What the hell, Carol?

I knew you hadn't changed.

I'm sorry. I tried.

But I just couldn't let the anger go.

I'm a mess.

I shouldn't be any part of this.

Mmm, that cupcake was delicious.

Mmm.

Ooh, someone should tell him.

- Yeah. - No, no, no, no, no!

Maybe he'll be fine.

Oh, he's not fine.

I knew we were here too early.

They haven't even finished setting up the...

s-ship?

Is... is it a cowboy ship?

No, their theme is nautical,

but they got this western place for cheap

because Jerry got hit by a dart here.

Oh... bar! Come on.

Wow, going right at it, huh?

Yeah, well, I didn't get to cut loose

at the bachelorette party,

so I'm cutting twice as loose tonight.

My phone is on do not disturb,

and my liver is on high alert.

That's where you think your liver is?

I don't know. Where's my liver?

It... it's not there.

- Excuse me. - Oh, sorry, folks.

I'm not open yet.

Oh, okay. No worries.

But you've got bottles, and glasses,

and the garnish buffets all set up.

Looks good to go!

And yet, nope.

No rush. No rush at all.

No, please. God, no.

No, no, take your time.

But, you know, when the time comes,

I would love an old-fashioned.

Or, you know, something like quick and easy

like a beer... there's a bunch of them here.

- I could just... - Ma'am.

Sorry.

I was just trying to help you.

- I said ma'am. - He did say ma'am.

- Oh, hey, Glenn. - Mm-hmm?

Getting ready for the ceremony?

Yeah. You bet.

I know this backwards and forwards.

Though I would not recommend it backwards.

- I sound like a lunatic. - Yeah.

So how's your toast coming?

Oh, well, you know, I'm still working it out.

I just have this, like, little story about him.

Basically, Jerry and Sandra

have this sweatshirt with a crab on it,

and whoever's feeling crabby has to wear the sweatshirt.

And the only time Jerry's worn it

is when Sandra was out of town.

That's nice. And then?

That's... Well, that... that's it.

Oh, that... that's...

that's your whole speech?

- Yeah. - Oh, okay.

Well, I do not see a problem with that.

It sounds like you do.

No, no, no.

What I'm saying is there's no disaster ahead.

You know, nobody's going to hate you.

Hate me? Why would anyone hate me?

That's what I'm saying. Most of them won't.

Yeah.

I bet this place sees a lot of ill-fitting denim.

Yeah, just imagine how many bad butts have been in here.

Call me an optimist,

but I think there are no bad butts.

There's just bad pants.

Aw, that's beautiful.

Okay, I'm going to hit the little cowboys' room.

Not my words. It says that on the door.

So?

Oh! He's great! Yeah, he's so nice.

I know, we're working on

getting him to talk trash about people.

Yeah, it just takes practice.

He'll be a nasty bitch real soon.

Thanks.

I was a little worried, you know,

inviting him to a wedding this early on.

But then I thought it'd be weirder not to bring him.

Totally... that's how it was for me and Bo at homecoming.

But then we just did a bunch of whip-its in the DJ's van,

and it was great.

I say this with love...

it's crazy you haven't been murdered.

I know.

But you're not some kind of nerd like Glenn.

You're just going to find your speech

- in, like, the moment, right? - No, sir.

I take my maid of honor duties very seriously.

So I've rehearsed it down to the syllable.

I know exactly where I'm going to...

almost start to cry.

And where I'm going to...

Get myself a little bit with my own joke.

And then I'm going to bring it home

with a series... of meaningful... pauses.

So you have thought about it. All right.

Guys, they haven't put out the shrimp yet,

in case anyone is wondering.

I saw cocktail sauce, though, so we are close.

- Oh, whew. - The wedding starts soon.

Shouldn't all this stuff be ready by now?

Carol snapped and left us hanging,

Sandra's sister is useless, and Jerry's family members

are definitely related to Jerry.

You know, it's funny.

I always thought if Carol snapped,

she'd do something crazier than putting laxatives in cupcakes.

- What do you mean? - I just thought

she'd go bigger.

Plus, I'm surprised she did it at the bachelorette party,

instead of the day Sandra marries her ex.

In front of all her friends and family.

- Mm-hmm. - Hmm.

You don't think

Carol's behind the shrimp delay, do you?

Yes, definitely.

- Strike two. - What is that bartender's problem?

This is a wedding, not a rules convention.

Get me a drink!

I feel like flirting with him could've worked,

calling him a fascist could've worked,

but I think doing both just kind of confused him.

Okay, centerpieces, chairs...

Hey, Dina. Everything okay?

Carol's going to do something.

- I can feel it. - What? No.

Carol's working at the store tonight.

She's not even here.

What if she threw us off the scent by making us think

her plan was over at the bachelorette

so we'd let down our guard at the wedding?

The wedding that she helped design?

Huh?

If Sandra makes it through today without

being decapitated, it will be a miracle.

Dina, it does seem like there's a lot

that still needs to get done.

Isn't that kind of your job?

My job is keeping the bride safe.

I need to find a sewer map.

Um, wait, Dina. Who...

No, no, no, no, no.

This is not your problem. You have a liver to ruin.

- Yes, but... - I'm sure

they're going to figure it out.

Yeah, yeah, no. Totally, totally.

Things have a way of working out for Sandra.

Hey, guys. Having fun?

Don't forget to sign the guest book.

Sandra!

- You look beautiful! - Yeah!

And why are you carrying chairs?

Yeah, do you need a hand, or...

No, no, no. It's just, uh,

I don't know where Dina is,

and, uh, Jerry's busy parking cars, so...

It's fine. You guys are guests.

Sit down, enjoy.

- I have to. - I know.

- I hate it. - I know.

Oh, God. Sandra, stop, please.

I-I will make sure everything gets done.

You go. Get ready.

Oh, really? Thank you so much.