Batman

NARRATOR". When last we saw the Dynamic Duo...

...Robin was in for a wax job.

And Batman was about to be skeletonized by the Joker's Human Key Duplicator.

Sad to say, nothing has changed.

Sorry to leave you, Batman, at this key point in your life...

...but I have other more important things to tend to...

...than my humdrum locksmith activities. Heh-heh.

The actual skeletonizing process will begin shortly.

When it's over, and the Boy Wonder is properly waxed...

...let me know.

Turn the spray on full.

This joke of the Joker's don't strike me as being funny. What if we get caught?

We won't, Latch.

Think of all we owe the Joker, the fine things he's done for us.

Sneaking those files into the prison...

...dumping our parole officer in the Gotham River...

...kidnapping that entire jury and holding the judge's wife as hostage.

He's been a real friend.

You're right, Bolt.

There should be more fine, upstanding men like the Joker.

Look, a living Bat skeleton.

I am not one given to trite sayings, Robin...

...but I'd say I got you out of that Spray Wax Chamber in the nick of time.

Thanks to those underwater swimming lessons I could've held my breath a while longer.

How did you get out of that fiendish Key Duplicator, Batman?

I jammed the machinery with a simple house key...

...that I carry in my utility belt in case we're locked out.

When the cutting blade retracted, device automatically opened.

The Joker was none too sophisticated...

...with his brilliant changes and innovations.

A good lesson, Robin: always carry an extra key.

I'd say you were both lucky to be still alive.

And stupid to have walked into that trap in the first place.

Without danger, the game grows cold. Little is gained without risk.

True, indeed, sir.

Now, uh, if I may be permitted...

...Mrs. Cooper has invited her whist group to lunch.

- I promised I'd serve it punctually at 1, sir. -Of course, Alfred.

Anyway, at least we know where the Joker's hideout is, Batman.

I hardly think that Mr. Clavier Ankh and his crafty cohorts...

...will be found at that address, Robin.

What do we do?

Like Mohammed, we must wait until the mountain comes to us again.

Still alive? How can they be?

Well, Batman is, that's for sure.

Oh, well, I might as well be philosophical about it.

Regardless of how clever the Dynamic Duo are...

...their hours are measured.

In fact, I'm measuring them right now with this time machine.

I found a wrinkle.

Ah. You're worried about wrinkles, Cornelia...

...when I have just rebuilt and refined my magic box...

...so that when I turn this key...

...I can turn time either backward or forward...

...or stop it completely. Ha-ha-ha!

- Will your gadget work anyplace, boss? -Anyplace and on anything or anybody.

For instance, somewhere in Gotham City right now...

...the sidewalks are crowded...

...and the traffic is busy.

Now, see what happens when I turn this key...

...and time moves a bit faster.

And faster...

...and faster...

...and faster.

Then if I stop time...

...and start it again, very slowly...

...or even move it backwards slowly.

Let's try the Gotham Airport...

...or the Gotham Ballpark...

...or the handsome residence of millionaire Bruce Wayne.

You know, I never go inside Bruce's study.

But as long as I'm taking you girls on a tour of the house, we'll just...

Or even Commissioner Gordon's office. Heh-heh.

Ha, ha!

- Don't stop now, boss. -Yeah, try it on Batman and Robin.

That's what I plan to do.

But I want to meet them face-to-face.

I want to see the results myself. Heh-heh-heh.

Did you make this one out of cheese parings and lightning bugs too, Joker?

Uh, no, Cornelia.

My newest triumph is composed of much more complicated parts:

human frailties, the power of mass suggestion...

...catalytic agents, unexplained phenomena.

Gee, all that in one box, boss?

Plus two added components, Latch.

- A pellet and a pond. -A what and a which?

Ingredients which must remain secret for the nuns, Cornelia.

But they did their work today. Ha-ha-ha!

What's next, boss?

Next, Bolt, to stop time throughout Gotham City...

...unless the city fathers meet my demands.

You're so forceful when you demand things from fathers, Joker.

- What is it this time? -A mere $10 million, Cornelia.

Ha-ha-ha! But first a moment to catch my breath.

While another message I sent is being delivered about the time...

...I imagine the Dynamic Duo are getting an emergency call.

Yes, commissioner.

I would've phoned you sooner, but I had nothing to report.

Well, I have something to report, Batman.

Our beloved metropolis seems to be in the grip of a strange spell.

Someone, and we suspect the Joker again, is playing a devious trick with time...

...turning it backward, forward, faster, slower.

Sounds like he's improved on that magic box of his.

Which could spell disaster.

And there's an envelope for you here, Batman.

It's shaped in the form of a key.

Better open it and read me the message. Time may be of the essence.

We can't afford to be wrong about this message, Robin.

That's just the way Commissioner Gordon read it over the phone.

"Thanks to the work of a single sphere, you saw what happened to time right here."

I just may be onto something.

"Now, regard with care, my final O-HO."

"0-HO."

What does "O-HO" mean to you, Robin?

Well, it's a word composed of two O's and one H.

- Mm-hmm. -Holy hydraulics.

H2O, the chemical symbol for water.

I am onto something. Now, the last line.

"I've a gargoyle's key...

...and away I 90-90"

Can you figure out those two words: "gargoyle's key"?

I know gargoyles are grotesque figures...

...that decorate some of Europe's old churches.

I see. And their original functions...

...their meanings, Robin, were water spouts...

...drains, funnels, throughways...

Then a gargoyle's key could also be the key to a waterworks.

Yes, and that all ties into the first sentence.

"Thanks to the work of a single sphere."

"Sphere." A ball is a sphere.

A marble...

...a pebble, pill.

A pill.

The Joker could have gotten the key to the waterworks...

...and polluted Gotham City's water.

I've heard that a character resembling the Joker...

...was seen by a waterworks guard near the storage reservoir a night or so ago.

- Holy floodgate. -Yes, Robin.

He may have started his job with one pill.

And now he's off to finish that job.

As insidious a scheme as could be imagined.

Extortion via time.

- We better get to the waterworks. -If I may, sir?

I didn't want to interrupt, but I heard the whole thing.

And I just can't let you and Master Robin run the risk really, sir.

- Let me go. -You, Alfred?

Yes. Mrs. Cooper's whist group left and she's gone to the theater.

In an hour, it will be dark, I shall have no difficulty in getting into the waterworks.

My cousin Egbert is night watchman there.

Remember Eggie, sir?

As president of the Water Commission, you helped him get his job.

Now, it's more than likely that he's the man who saw the Joker and--

I seldom ask a favor, sir, but I do ask this one.

You see, I'd like to feel that I'm not only contributing my bit.

I like to feel that I'm part of the team, sir.

- Well spoken, Alfred. -Of course, you're part of the team.

Then you will, sir, let me replace you in this crafty charade?

Not exactly replace us, Alfred.

But it might not be a bad idea...

...for you to replace your cousin in the security room.

That way, Robin and I could stake out the storage reservoir...

...and be nearby and on the alert.

Hoping you'd say that, sir.

I, uh, brought my wheels, for want of a better word, with me...

...and with no intention of infringement, sir...

...I call it my Alf-Cycle.