It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Hey, Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee!

Do you want to take your feet off my bed, please?

It's not your bed, okay? It's my goddamn floor!

And how many times do I have to ask you guys

to please just pick up your shit

when you wake up in the morning!

You're turning this place into the Superdome.

Superdome? That's, like, six years too late.

That's a super lame reference.

And it's kind of offensive.

You'll be happy to know, by the way,

we are looking for a place right now.

All right? What about this place, man?

Ah, it looks a little bit junky.

It kind of reminds me of here.

Yeah, this place is a piece of shit.

It's not junky, okay?

You guys have destroyed everything, and that's

why it looks junkier, like a couple of locusts.

Oh, I take that as a compliment.

It's not a compliment. Well, it's biblical,

so it's a compliment. Yeah.

Why is everything

so goddamn expensive? I mean,

I wish we hadn't burned down

our rent-controlled apartment.

Yeah, you think?

Dee, I will slap you in the teeth.

You think this is easy?

We-we have a list of demands here.

We need two bedrooms.

We-we need two bathrooms, minimum.

You know what? Whatever. What's your plan?

Where are you guys gonna find a place that fits

all of your needs for under 1,500 bucks a month?

Well, guys,

this is it.

Welcome to our beautiful new home.

This is crazy. You guys should've just

moved into that empty apartment in our building.

The one where the family was murdered?

Brutally murdered.

Pass. This place is awesome.

You guys are gonna thrive out here, and I am not gonna have

to worry about you hogging my shower anymore.

And we don't have to worry about getting ringworm.

You brought the ringworm.

Yeah, and now your apartment

is infested with it. Yeah.

Don't worry, you'll be back to giving

each other worms soon enough.

These are city scum.

They can't hack it out here.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

You want to bet? Absolutely.

Okay, Frank. So if Mac and I

can live here for a month,

then you have to pay our rent for an entire year.

Deal. And if you don't,

you have to sleep in bed with an old man for a year.

: Gross! What?

Yeah.

What are you laughing about, Charlie?

You already sleep with an old man,

and for no reason other than you seem to enjoy it.

Yeah.

Okay, you know what, Frank?

You got a bet.

Won't last a month-- Frank is insane!

This place is paradise, man.

We can really stretch out, you know?

It-it's quiet, it's calm.

It's not like the city where everything is so

stressful, you know?

I'm-I'm just... I feel at ease.

When was the last time that we had a home-cooked meal?

Oh, dude...

it's been forever.

Well, my friend, dig in.

Mmm.

Oh, my God.

Mac...

this is incredible.

You like it? Oh, my God.

Oh, that is such a relief because I worked so hard on it.

Yeah.

I call it Mac's famous mac and cheese.

Okay, well, I don't know how...

I don't really know how famous it is.

I mean, I'm your roommate, and I've never heard of it.

So, what do you want to do after dinner?

Uh... well, see, the TV's not hooked up,

so can't watch TV.

Um, there's not really any bars around here, so...

Right.

You know what we should do?

Hmm?

Let's just get a good night's sleep.

That's a good idea. Yeah.

Yeah.

What was that?

What was what?

You hear that, that chirping sound?

I did not, no.

Probably a smoke detector or something like that, huh?

Right, yeah. No big deal.

Hey, to a great night's sleep.

Good morning. Mm.

Hey, man, did you hear that...?

The pool filter?

Oh, my God. It was like a jet engine.

I didn't get any sleep at all last night, you know?

One noise is so much louder

than all the city noises combined, you know?

You just, you fixate. Totally.

I get that, but I-I was actually talking

about that chirping sound-- did you hear that?

It was, like, happening all night.

No, I didn't hear that.

Oh, man, it was driving me nuts.

Yeah. Anyway, want to roll?

I, uh, got us some music. I made this Creed mix.

Oh, uh, Creed, huh?

Yeah, it's a long commute, so...

Yeah, I was thinking more,

like, Bryan Adams. Okay.

But it-it is Tuesday. Yeah...

Which is technically my music day. Right, it's...

Yeah, and that was cool and all when it only took us,

like, ten minutes to get to work, but now we're looking

at, like, an hour or so commute.

I'm thinking maybe more my thing.

But hey, you know what? Here's an idea.

Why don't you take a personal day?

You know, I mean, we got a lot of property here.

It might be nice to have someone here to look after it.

Yeah. You know, maybe get that TV working.

Maybe take a run at that, uh, pool filter?

Oh. Huh? Hey!

You must be the new neighbors.

Name's Wally Schmidt.

No relation to Mike.

But don't tell my wife.

Boy, it sure is a hot one today, huh?

Okay.

Nice to meet you boys.

What the hell was that all about?

He just comes up and starts talking to us?

Right, some guy comes up to me, I don't know what he's...

I don't know what he's up to. No. It's like the whole time,

I'm staring at him, I'm thinking, does he have a knife?

Are we gonna have to take this bitch out right now?

No. I don't know. I don't know.

But it's-it's the city, though.

It-it's forced me to develop these sharp edges.

For protection, you know? I got to smooth them out.

We're in the suburbs. Let's work on it a little bit.

Okay, all right. Shall we? You know, 'cause now I'm all tense.

I don't want to bring this energy into work, you know?

Luckily, I got the commute to relax.

Aw, merge, merge! You had your...

Come on, you got, you have to seize the goddamn gap!

People are so goddamn inefficient!

Oh, goddamn it!

I don't care if you're old! Seize the gap!

You old fat bitch!

You fat bitch!

So, how was your day? Good.

How was work? Any-any good stories?

Charlie and Frank are doing something with Russian hats now.

Really? What? I don't know.

I couldn't follow any of it. What did you do today?

Did you, uh, fix that pool filter?

Uh... I tried.

But it turns out it's actually really complicated,

and I didn't go to school for that, you know?

Mostly I just tried to get the living room set up.

It took a little while to find a stud.

Yeah, I can, I can see that.

Maybe, uh, take another personal day tomorrow, huh?

You know, maybe I will take another run at that pool filter.

Maybe try and do all the other things

that you tried to do today, but, uh,

you know... do them.

Shut up, shut up, shut up,

shut up!

Aw, damn it!

What is that?

What's your plan, huh?

Two miles an hour. There you go.

Oh, gun it.

Use your signal, you cow!

Goddamn it.

: Unbelievable.

I don't see what the problem is.

Hey. Hey, hey!

Slow down!

Children play here, you fat cow!