In Living Color

Hi. I'm the Reverend JesseJackson.

As children, many of us learn to read...

through the collection of Dr. Seuss books.

Stories like The Cat in the Hat...

Horton Hears a Who, Hop on Pop...

Green Eggs and Ham and How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

They were all fine for little white children.

But the young black inner-city child...

has never had a book upon which he could look...

and find someone of his kind.

La da dee, la da da. La da dee, la da da.

That is why I am offering these.

JesseJackson's Children's Books.

For just 49.95, you'll get stories from the street.

Stories like Horton Hears a Ho.

"I know there's a ho who's down there.

"And what's more, I'm sure there's two or three or even four.

"A whole family of hos that hos to survive.

Don't be like a ho. Keep hope alive."

Your children will have hours of fun...

as they learn important stories about life.

Other books in the collection are:

The Crackhead in the Hat.

The Grinch Who Stole My Stereo.

Hop on Cop.

And my personal favorite, Green Eggs and Gubment Cheese.

"I will not eat green eggs and gubment cheese.

"I will not eat it because it makes me wheeze.

"I will not eat green eggs and gubment cheese.

Because it keeps me from going to the toilet with ease."

To order JesseJackson's Children's Books...

send 49.95 to...

Order now.

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - What?

The food here looks great. I just hope the service matches up.

Hey, mon!

It's time once again for the wacky antics...

of America's hardest working West Indian family, the Hedleys.

All right, you good people, here's your meal.

We got your main dish...

your side dish, your radish on a dirty dish.

And your album Bangla-dish. And from newly released on tape, Soapdish.

- Where is my lazy boy, Byron? Byron, get out here, boy! -

Pop, hold your gnarly things.

Now I'm the coat-check boy, the car-park boy...

the boy in the hood, Chef Boyardee, the busboy...

and I just got off the bus with Buster Douglas.

Well, you better bust a move and see what these people are having for dessert.

Oh, I think I'll just have some fruit.

We don't have no fruit here, you pasty rice cake.

I do.

Hey, mon, what do you think you're doing, Bruce Lee, selling fruit to my customers here?

I no mon, I Wan. I Sam Wan.

Own Wan Family Korean Fruit Stand.

This'a wife, Annie Wan. This our son, No Wan.

This our dog, Obi Wan.

Look at that ugly, little mangy dog. What kind of lazy dog is that?

Dog is watchdog, Seeing Eye dog, mouse dog...

and when dog get old, he meat on stick.

He work'a hard. We all work'a hard.

We hardest working family ever.

Don't ever say that around here. We the hardest working family.

And don't be selling no fruit to my customers.

Sure, I sell the fruit. It's a free country.

It's a free sidewalk. Free Nelson Mandela.

He already free, mon.

See? It's all working out great.

Where my baby-maker Hilda? Hilda, get out here, woman.

Hey, mon.

What you be calling me out here for, Godfrey?

You know I got many, many things to be doing. I got to be the waitress...

his mistress, the hostess with the mostess, the maître d'...

I serve the tea and look at me, I'm Heavy D.

You stop'a rappin' and look it here.

We got a man over there selling fruit to our customers.

Too bad for you, smokey-head, hemp-toking Rasta people.

Wan sell'a vegetable, dairy product...

small electrical appliance and novelty item.

Got Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle T-shirt.

Wash it twice, you got'a Mutant Turtle hand puppet.

Good deal at the lowest price.

Wan family also have one-dollar battery pack.

Look at that, mon. That's a cheap battery. It wouldn't last a half hour.

Half hour too long to listen to music. Time to get back to work.

Hello. Good to see you.

It's a nice day to buy flower at the lowest price, no?

Hold on right there now. I'm gonna tell you something.

The Hedleys sell the freshest flowers at the lowest price around here.

We sell day-old flower.

Whole bunch, five dollar.

We sell three-day-old flower, two-dollar for a bunch.

I got week-old flower.

- Two bunch, dollar. - Aha.

We got you there. Every customer leave our restaurant...

with a basket of old, dead, dry leaves, absolutely free.

Look, Yoko Ono, I don't want your flowers.

All I want is some coffee to go.

I sell a hot steaming cup of coffee, 50 cents.

Hilda, get that man a fresh cup of the finestJamaican bean, only 48 cents.

- Best'a coffee in the world come directly from my brother. - Who that?

He one Wan you haven't met... Wan Valdez.

Mon, they went a long way for a joke, don't you think?

- I think so. - I think so, mon.

Well, this family here not gonna be outworked by that family.

Nobody outwork the Hedley. If they gonna be open 24 hour...

- we gonna open 25. - How you gonna do that, mon?

I don't know, but we gonna work on it.

Hey, mon, got to get to work.

Join us again for another episode of Hey, Mon, with the Hedleys...

the second-hardest working family in America.

Oh, Lyle, Hawaii would be great for our honeymoon.

Yeah, baby, but it's too expensive. We can have a real good time in Inglewood.

- Inglewood? - Yeah, you know, 'cause all we gonna be doing is...

Lyle!

Did I hear someone say "knocking boots"?

Got a honeymoon suite with your name on it, my brother.

And the price is "ri-zite," because...

Budget vacations are us.

Let me do a quick intro. My name's Clavell.

- And I'm Howard Tibbs III. - And we are...

Funky Finger Productions.

Bringing you a little something to make you go...

- Hmm. - You know, Arsenio stole that from me?

- Say what? - Damn skippy.

Now, I know Billy Crystal did that little home on the range, City Slicker kinda thing.

- Is Billy in town? 'Cause you know he hasn't called me. - What?

Look, I don't wanna spend my honeymoon with some cows.

- Yeah, man, we ain't interested. - Well, whoa, nellie, partner.

You don't have to be interested, brother. All you have to do is just buy.

Now, for the nominal fee of, uh, 62.95...

You and the lovely bridette can spend two fun-filled days at Round Rump Ranch.

- Yeah! -

Now look here, home-cookin'.

That price includes a cabin right on the shores of Boodie Bay.

Boodie Bay? Isn't that a landfill?

Well, it may stink all to be damned, but the scenery is smokin'.

Honey, let's go. A'ight?

Uh, oh, Howie, they're looking like they're trying to hit the old dusty trail.

Uh, better pull out the heavy ammo.

Just give 'em a taste. Got to pay for the rest.