Mr. Sunshine

Morning, Ben.

Listen to me... You are a mascot.

You're not even supposed to be up here in the office.

Your only job is to rev up the crowd

during sporting events. The photocopier ran out of ink,

so I put another toner cartridge in there. Okay, great. Thanks.

Hey, everyone! I got a bunch of promotional stuff

for Alonzo's charity tennis event.

Come and get it. It's one size fits all.

I'm not sure about that.

It feels like nighttime in my head.

That's a wristband, Roman.

Ohh. That is better.

What an improvement.

"Rackets for R.M."? Boy, Alonzo's really scraping

the bottom of the charity disease barrel on this one.

Rheumatoid Mylopenia is a rare disorder

that causes the joints and connective tissue

to overheat and melt inside the body.

No jokes there.

It's more commonly known as "jello bones. " Oh. They... they found one.

You know, I think someone's just jealous because Alonzo

gets to play tennis against Jimmy Connors.

That's me... The jealous someone is me!

Good morning, beautiful people. Honey, what's the matter?

Yeah, honey. What's the matter?

Did the choir of angels who wake you up

get in a fight with the fairies who dress you? No, Ben.

My tennis partner, channel 7's Dusty Cruntler,

got hit by a car this morning. The Weatherwizard?

Oh! He always knows what the day's gonna bring. I'm pretty sure he didn't know

the day was gonna bring a 2-ton luxury sedan

onto the sidewalk and ultimately, his pelvis.

I gotta find a replacement right away. Oh! Pick me Pick me! I'm a great tennis player.

I love Jimmy Connors, and I love jelly kids.

Jello. No, thanks. I'm talking to Alonzo.

Well, Ben, it's a celebrity tennis tournament.

And even in the loosest terms, you're... you're just not a celebrity.

I saw the list of players Alonzo, Alan Thicke will be participating.

Excellent point, Ben. You can play.

Yes! Team mates! I play the backhand side,

and I'm a grunter. Let's do this.

Hello, everyone! Big morning. Yours truly finally learned

how to do the Twitters on her smartphone.

I also had a car accident... Completely unrelated.

Meeting adjourned.

Oh! Hey! My colorist, Julian, is no longer my only follower

on the Twitter device.

Ben...

"Driving in the rain while watching a documentary

"on hummingbirds on my phone.

Oops! Yes, I just had a major car accident."

You hit Weatherwizard Dusty Cruntler.

Now I gotta play tennis with this guy! I'm very excited.

The law clearly states, if you're standing

within 10 feet of the road,

you must always wear an orange cone as a hat.

Or something like that.

No, you're right. That is the exact law.

Oh, mom? Hey.

I know you had a crazy morning,

but, um, we were supposed to meet for breakfast.

Oh! Gosh. I'm terribly sorry, dear.

What can I possibly do to make it up to you?

Well, last time you missed it, you said, "let's schedule it

one week from today, and I promise I won't miss it."

That's perfect. Let's do it one week from today, and I p...

And I promise I won't miss it. And I promise I won't miss it.

Go home.

I made you some hot chocolate. Oh. That's nice.

Yeah, I put a couple of marshmallows in there.

Go home. All right.

So... you just started playing tennis for this tournament?

Oh, yeah. I just found this tennis racket in my garage.

Pretty easy game.

How long you been playing?

Oh, you know... Four or five...

Since I was 4 or 5.

Roman, I appreciate the enthusiasm. Little tip, though...

Next time, wait for the point to be over before you grab the ball.

Third time I'm telling you.

Where's the cigarette machine? In the 1970s.

Well, where can a lady find a long, thin, sophisticated cigarette

that says she's arrived in a man's world? Cigarettes are bad for you, Crystal.

People should know this. I'm gonna tweet about it.

She's gonna tweet about it.

Hey, guys, it's Alice.

It's amazing how well you and Alonzo are getting along.

I mean, seeing how you dated Alice right before him,

and he's perfect, and you're not.

Shh! He doesn't know. Of course he knows.

He's dedicated his whole life to helping others,

and your flaws are pretty much out here for everyone to see.

I'm talking about Alice.

Ben, he knows Alice. She's his girlfriend.

Ball!

On it.

Okay.

You too, sweetie.

Ooh! She's got you on a short leash, huh?

Well, I guess Alice likes to touch base with me a lot

because her last boyfriend was such a jerk.

Her last boyfriend before you?

Yeah. He did a real number on her.

She said he had commitment issues, selfish,

so it really messed with her head. Well, that is surprising to hear.

Because it's new information that I'm just taking in,

and it surprises me. Yeah, well, you know, sometimes

a boyfriend has to fix the damage the last guy did.

You know what I'm talking about, right? I do?

I do. I do?

Whoa! Listen, we're not gonna get anywhere against Connors

just standing around talking about our girlfriends.

Let's play.

Oh, sorry.

It's all right. I got it. My time to shine! (Grunts)

Mom? Mom? Mom!

Aah!

Oh.

Oops.

* Mr. sunshine *

yeah, he's gonna be okay.

Just need a little info. Is anyone here close to him?

Not really. This is the boy's mother.

Sir, I am the boy's mother. Great. Age?

Like a fine wine, I'm mellowing.

He's talking about Roman's age.

Wait. I know this. It starts with a...

Pass.

Does he have any allergies to medication?

Play. None at all.

Weight?

My God. I'm not a sideshow carny.

Don't give him any medicine. He's allergic to everything.

And his blood type is o positive, and it tastes salty.

Don't cut your eyes at me, young man.

Who knows this stuff about their children, anyway?

We often find that parents do. It's not her fault.

She bounced from husband to husband,

spent all of her time running this arena.

Not to mention the personal demons.

This is a family thing. I'm gonna step back. (Roman whimpers)

I have to talk to you, and it's important.

Oh, please don't let this be about your hair again.

Just get highlights or don't. Have you told Alonzo about us?

What? No. What are you talking about?

You haven't told him anything?

I might have mentioned the existence

of a person like you, in a general way.

He knows some details about ex-boyfriends,

but, uh, no. I haven't told him about us.

Okay. That's good. That's good. No. No, wait. It... it's not good.

Months have passed, and I haven't told him.

I'm afraid the window's closed, and I feel so guilty about it.

I've tried to tell him a bunch of times, but I always bail

and say something like, "let's go take a pottery class."

And then, you know... We go take a pottery class.

I don't think you should tell Alonzo about us.

We were hanging out way before you guys got serious.

Why make it messy? Yeah. I guess if I haven't told him by now...

Exactly. The window's closed. Let's make a blood oath.

I'll go get a knife from under Heather's desk. No, I'm not taking a blood oath.

Let's just promise each other that what happened between us

stays between us. Yeah, fine.

By the way, what did you tell him about me, in a general way?

Good things? None of your business.

Does he know about the move? Because that is my move.

I don't wanna hear on the street that he's using my move. He doesn't need your move.

Great. I'll see ya.

Good. There you are.

You know my personal attorney, Neil Dobrin.

Uh, yes. I recognize you from the side of buses.

You grew a beard. Well, I was in hiding for a while.

Ah, that's nice.

So, Ben, um, I'm gonna need you to testify

that Roman was sniffing glue at the time of the accident.

Crystal, you can't possibly think

that Roman is actually going to sue you.

He's angry about years of neglect.

You saw the rage he flew into when I missed breakfast.

He brought you a muffin.

Roman is wildly passive-aggressive.

Besides, you don't know my family. They're crazy litigious.

I-it's not a racial term. It means they sue a lot.

You seem like an excellent attorney, Neil.

I may be the best.

Well, I will draw up the papers.

Thank you, Neil.

Whew.

Crystal, the problem is that you don't know your own family.

If you knew Roman at all, you'd know

he would never try to sue you.

So instead of trying to build a case against him,

why don't you just try to get to know him? Ooh. Now I like that.

Keep your enemies close, your family closer.

Jesus said that. No, he didn't.

Okay. How do we do the get-to-know-you thing?

Because Roman and I have nothing to talk about,

and it seems like he has a slight difficulty grasping things,

and let's face it, I can tend to be a bit of a narciss...