Fresh Off the Boat

You got tension on me, Evan? I gotta go deeper.

Deeper?! Huang, you're a madman!

I don't have a choice.

Your mom insists on putting all the Halloween decorations

in the back.

Because she hates the holiday.

Yeah, that ends this year.

- Aah! - Aah!

I dropped the rope, you're on your own!

No, no, no, it's okay.

It's just your mom's novel...

"A Case of a Knife to the Brain."

Scary.

Oh.

You mean the part where the butler lost all his skin?

No, I mean how many unsold copies we still have.

Pushing on.

Sandy.

The queen bee of my haunted house.

Which I realize is confusing because she's a spider.

Haunted house? That's your plan to get Mom on board with Halloween?

I know it's a long shot, but I got a plan

to make it all about her.

Huh. She'd like that.

What's the only thing she loves more than sensible footwear?

Instilling fear in people.

Which she can do in her very own haunted house.

Ah.

No. No crazy house.

It's a haunted house.

Call it whatever you want, we're not having one here.

You told me to pull if you were in trouble.

So I'm pulling.

Well, think about how fun it would be.

I mean, isn't this scary?

What am I looking at?

It's Sandy the spider.

It fused with my Cher wig in the attic heat.

Even Halloween accidents are beautiful.

Stop using words that describe me

to get me on board with your stupid holiday.

Well, I thought you'd love a haunted house.

Your heart is fueled by fear.

C'mon, pop out,

scare the pants off the neighborhood kids.

No to strange kids walking through our house all night

with their dirty feet.

It's bad enough your mother doesn't brush her tires.

I don't get it, Jessica.

Your book was a horror novel.

It scared tens of...

Hundreds of people.

Well, Louis, it's just not for me.

But, to prove that I am not a total Scrooge...

A real villain on a real holiday...

I bought you the treats

to hand out to the costumed beggars!

I knew it!

Somewhere beneath that hard candy shell

lies a soft, gooey...

Raisins?!

Raisins aren't candy!

It says right on the box... "nature's candy."

But, Jessica, the neighborhood knows

I'm a double-barrel candy man...

Twix, Reese's, Kit Kat.

That's a double double-barrel! A quad-barrel!

Why is it when it comes to Halloween,

you never listen to me?

That's not true.

I listen to you.

So are we on the same page?

Yes.

No spooky house.

Oh, come on!

Hey, our house will be haunted soon enough

when your mother...

Well, soon enough.

These are like scrapbook crack.

We've had some good times.

Yeah, but looking back,

it seems like we've exhausted all the couples costumes.

Maybe this is the year we can finally do Frasier and Niles.

I don't want to get in a big fight over who gets to be Niles.

The last time Maris and I got in a fight,

we were roundly shushed by a particularly plucky sommelier.

Talk about whining!

Hey, Eddie, big Halloween plans?

Eh, I'm too old to 'ween it up. I'm just gonna skip it.

But you boys have fun.

No drugs, okay?

"Too old to 'ween it up"?

You hear that bull?

Yeah. He's growing up too fast.

He's gonna miss this when he's gone off to college.

He did make a great Dusty Bottoms.

And soon, the Three Amigos will be two.

The Dos Amigos .

Que lastima.

That's it!

That's the answer to our costume problem.

We bring back the trio.

Three opens up a world of possibilities.

The 3 Chipmunks.

The 3 Rice Krispie guys.

The 3 states of matter.

Solid, liquid...

- Eddie would be gas. - Eddie would be gas.

We'll keep thinking.

Until then, we've got to get Eddie on board.

Well, dear brother,

it seems we've bested another conundrum.

Was that Frasier or Niles?

Frasier. But from "Cheers."

Before he sold out.

Hmm.

What is our son's friend doing in our bedroom, Louis?

Afternoon, Mrs. H.

Love the color scheme in your bedroom...

Purple, the color of royalty.

Don't sit there.

Or anywhere.

Trent's helping me pick out decorations.

I said no haunted house.

Now who's not listening about Halloween?

We're not doing it here.

We're doing it at the restaurant. Cattleman's.

We're calling it Cattleman's Haunted House.

It's going to be huge.

We need to work triple-time to get the restaurant decorated,

so I'm gonna need you to take my place as a judge

at the middle-school costume competition.

Did that ginger bite you and infect your brain?

Oh, come on, you love judging.

I love a judge. Judy.

'Cause she's just like me...

Petite, brash, can hold her pee for days.

Judy.

Hey, this wouldn't even be an issue

if you let me have my thing here.

I guess an hour of telling kids their outfits stink

is better than a full night of that nonsense in our own home.

Okay, I'll judge the dumb competition.

You guys gotta knock. I got a lady now.

We had to knock more when you didn't have a lady.

Eddie, do you have any extra pillowcases

just lying around?

Nah, I stopped using them. Too much work.

Uch, you're a beast.

We're gonna double bag this Halloween.

The weight from the candy tore through our sacks last year.

Continue.

You've been out of the game for too long.

People hand out full-size candy now.

You love candy.

I do.

Eh, I'll just eat the leftovers Dad doesn't hand out.

Y'know, trick-or-treat my own pad.

Yeah, about that. Mommy actually got the candy this year.

She got... raisins.

- Chocolate-covered raisins? - Nope.

Yogurt-covered raisins? Unh-unh.

White chocolate-covered raisins?

Worse.

Golden raisins.

Mom got booger raisins?

Still want to stay home and chill?

No, I'm in.

But a pillowcase won't do.

I'm gonna air out Grandma's sleeping bag.

_

I love a couples costume.

Double the effort, double the score.

98.

What mighty big scores you have!

95!

Can I give out a negative number?

A wolf should not have a human girlfriend.

It brings up too many icky questions.

2 points. 1 for each of you. Next.

Thank you for not using profanity this time,

but can you maybe ease up on the criticism?

You made SpongeBob cry through his makeup.

Well, if he were a believable sponge,

he'd be able to sop up his tears.

All right, I'm in a pickle here, because I want to ask

if there's more of the costume under the trench coat,

but if I say that, I'll be in trouble.

You're a mix of all the people I see on the bus.

I'm a detective from my favorite murder-mystery book.

100 out of 100!

You know who she is?

She's Jennifer Hong

from "A Case of a Knife to the Brain"!

I am!

Are you a fan of the book?

Yes!

Always nice to meet another Brain-head.

W... I thought I was the only one!

Oh... there's more of us out there.