You Me Her

Congratulations. Holy shit. You're pregnant.

Previously on "You Me Her"...

I'm keeping it.

Jack, Izzy, I'm in love with the two of you.

I could never trust her,

and I would be beyond disappointed if you could.

For the record, I'm also Mr. Right There in Front of You.

I'm gonna be putting more time into the magazine,

and we need to come up with a plan.

You wanted to stay at home. This was a-a mutual decision.

I spoke to your grandmother's counselor.

She asked if you'd want to go for coffee.

Fine, but you seriously have to be there.

I will. I promise.

I don't know. Maybe Andy was right,

what he said to me when we broke up.

"It's not me. It's you."

-Fuck. -Yeah.

Favorite part of the job. There you go.

Oh. We have to celebrate.

You, me, Emma. Who else?

What's that look?

-Hey! There they are. -Hi.

My, God. What is Emma doing --

-You were in on this. -Yeah.

-Iz. -What?

I'm pregnant and I'm keeping it.

Six weeks, so...

He knows, doesn't he?

Jack!

Young Summer: ♪ While the world is stretched, we go ♪

♪ But this time ♪

That day in the loft, what'd you call it?

Oh, yeah, it was a "mistake."

No, it turns out that was the only completely real thing

I've done in the last six months.

And yet, you left again.

Yeah, I ran away 'cause I was fucking terrified.

Of what?

Of the day you and Jack realized I was unnecessary.

Jack loves you, Izzy. He is deeply in love with you.

And you think that that would... Stop.

...that would pissed me off or make me jealous,

but it doesn't, because this just feels right.

And I don't wanna fuck it up. I cannot fuck this up again.

This happened when we were together.

We made this baby together.

♪ Well, I never could say, I never... ♪

I love you so fucking much.

♪ What I wanted ♪

♪ I never could say, I never could see the waves ♪

Say it again.

I love you.

All of it.

♪♪

I love you so fucking much.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Yipes.

This is so much better than I expected after that scream.

♪♪

Is this what it was like the last time

you two made out in a bathroom?

It was a little more like this.

And then I went like this.

And like this.

-Emma: Remember? -Izzy: Yeah.

Come here.

♪ Over deeper waters ♪

♪ Fools from far away close enough to fall in ♪

♪ Well, I never could say, I never could say again ♪

♪ What I wanted, I never could see ♪

♪ I never could see the waves ♪

♪ That rolled you under ♪

Fuck this.

Troubles?

♪♪

Yeah. I'm pretty sure I just got stood up

by a catsitter/Instagram consultant.

Oh. Wow, okay.

Well, that knocks off

the bicycle detailer/ fraternity party planner

off the top, doesn't it? -Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. A bunch of the guys I was messaging

went radio silent.

I haven't hooked anything for almost 24 hours.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, what?

Well, it seems like the boys of Portland are talkin'.

Seriously? Like I'm on some kind of Tinder shit list?

I don't know.

Ugh!

Fuck! How am I supposed to finish my fucking thesis

if everybody's scared of me?!

I know, right? Hmm.

Mm.

So I was gonna sneak out

and catch "Pillow Talk" at the Paramount.

And you're welcome to tag along if you want, or whatever.

I mean, it's a light crowd and, uh, he can handle it, so...

Are you serious? Are you asking me on a date right now?

Absolutely not. I'm just proposing

that we grab a bite, and then we go see

one of the 10 essential romcoms of the 20th century.

Okay, so -- so now it's

the proverbial dinner and a movie?

Oh, right. But it -- it's still not a date?

You're just -- you're -- you're turning this

into something that it clearly isn't.

And quite frankly, I don't, you know,

I don't feel comfortable.

- Oh. -So...

But you don't think I see how you look at me?

You know, I can feel your searing eyes on my ass,

making my ass even hotter.

It's true.

Say yes.

-Yes. -What was that?

Yes. Yes. Yes!

Oh. See?

Huh?

Yeah. You know where to find me.

Okay.

♪♪

Do you really think they're getting it on

in our master bathroom right now?

Fighting, fucking? Fighting while fucking?

Carmen: It's all on the table right now.

Or the vanity, in this case.

Okay, I'm gonna think about that every time I brush my teeth now.

Thank you.

I'm so glad we didn't do this at my house.

You know, if you examine what we're doing right now,

just standing here, looking up at the stairs...

I don't think you'd like what it says about us.

Um, congratulations... on the magazine.

-Bye. -See ya.

Well, you did it. You rethroupled them.

Yeah, I did.

-Welcome to the neighborhood. -Thank you.

[ The Cave Singers' "Black Leaf" playing ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Round and round and round and here we go ♪

♪♪

♪ Take me to the river ♪

♪ Let me wash my hand ♪

♪♪

♪ He may wanna kill me, then he'll take my soul ♪

♪♪

♪ He may wanna kill me ♪

Oh, no. Are you okay?

- -Emma: Oh, my God.

Nina: One of the best romantic comedies of our time?

Shaun: Yeah. It's my mom's favorite movie.

It was...kinda rape-y.

Sorry.

Yeah, I don't remember it being that rape-y,

but Ivy League there got a little -- little handsy.

True. I mean, the whole thing was just weird.

The fact that the guy is a pathological liar?

He's -- he's one person... Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.

and then he's Rex Stetson, and then he still gets the girl.

I thought that movie was bullshit.

Have you ever listened to Doris Day's Christmas album?

How did we get there?

♪♪

Nina: From the time I could run,

I chased my Dad's car down the street

until my Mom caught me.

The older I got, the further I got. It was impressive.

-Shaun: Did he ever stop? -Nina: No.

My Mom said if he stopped, I'd never learn.

Ouch. That sucks.

Did I tell you I paint?

-Definitely not. -It's highly therapeutic.

I suck at it, though, so I call it "abstract expressionism"

because, I mean... who's gonna know?

So...

I just -- Handfuls.

Just a bunch of that?

I'm going through a Pollock phase right now.

My grandma thinks I'm a genius.

- -What?

Nina: Oh, come on. No, no, no, no, no.

We're sharing. There's no holding back.

Well, I kinda...

I kinda sorta want my own bar.

I mean, I've been saving up,

and I've got a couple investors that are interested.

That is extremely cool, Shaun.

♪♪

-Okay, say it for real. -Shaun: Say what?

Well, leave out the "kinda sorta"

and tell the universe what you want.

I want my own bar.

Lame.

Is that so hard? Yell it.

-I'm holding on. -