Hawaii Five-0

No, no!

[Hawaii Five-O theme song plays]

Good morning, L'il Chubster.

Damn it, Percy!

Oh! Ow, Ma.

What in the hell is the matter with y'all?

Two of y'all clowning around up here,

waking up the whole house.

- Love you, Mama. - Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

L'il Percy, you better get up out of here

before I knock your ass out.

What'd you say?

Nothing, Ma.

That's what I thought.

What the hell is going on... - Oh, Pops, oh.

Never mind.

- Ma! - What?

You can't see I'm butt-ass naked?

Boy, ain't nobody thinking about your little naked behind.

I changed your diapers, man.

All right, guys, we got spider, two, Y, banana.

That's how we like it!

Cover him!

Go, go! Get him!

Nice catch, Nahele.

That's seven-nothing. McGarrett's team's in the lead.

Hut, hut, hike!

- Go, go! - Whoa!

That's a touchdown. Seven-seven.

Score's all tied up now.

Go, go, go!

Just jump a little. Just...

Oh, you're really missing Grover out there, huh?

What is that supposed to mean? I'm just saying,

having a big six-foot-five target's really, really masked

a lot of your accuracy issues over the... - Okay. That's good.

If you want to concede right now, it might be less embarrassing.

Embarrassing? I'll tell you what's gonna be embarrassing. - Yeah.

- What? What? - When Danny gets back from New Jersey

and figures out that you QB'd his team into a loss. - Uh-huh.

That's a turnover on downs. Yeah, keep talking.

Still tie game, and I got to go, so next score wins.

All right, defense, let's go. Huddle up.

All right, Noelani, you're on Koa this play.

Got it. I'll be all over him like actinic keratosis.

It's a skin condition. Nasty stuff.

Jerry, come on, man, you got to get some pressure on TANI.

She's got all day in the pocket.

She's like a ghost out there. Yeah. I'm trying.

But Kamekona and Flippa are like the Great Wall.

Guys, the real problem is Junior.

He's been burning us all day.

You're trying to say that I'm the problem-- my defense is the problem?

- 'Cause you can just say it. - Yeah, well, y-you...

maybe you want to try, you know, some bump and run coverage,

extend your arms, throw off his route.

My boyfriend's a coach. We talk shop.

Okay. All right.

Flippa, you missed your blocking assignment last possession.

You left my blind side wide open. What are you doing?

What assignment? I thought we just stand there and be big?

No, you were supposed to pull and block Noelani.

The only thing he gonna pull

is a hamstring if you ask him to run.

All right, enough water. Put the water down, put the water down.

Okay? Here's what we're doing. Zebra wide 35, waggle X.

Give me the eyes, give me the eyes. Ready?

- No. - Break!

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Hey, Koa, was she always this competitive when she as a kid?

Only until she was about eight.

After that, no one would play with her.

Yellow, yellow! Hot route. Hike!

Yes!

- Out of bounds! No catch. - What...?

What?!

Junior failed to establish possession

before going out of bounds. Wha...

- No! - Thank you, Mamo.

That is the correct call. That is a terrible ca...

That's a terrible call. That's a terrible call.

- Don't listen to her. - As if you could see anything

through your cataracts, you old man.

Hey, hey, hey.

Time-out. Trash talking is one thing.

Mamo is very graciously giving us his time this morning.

No. Oh, my God, no, I-I would never talk like that to Mamo.

I was talking to you.

Come on. Second down. Let's go.

- Keep it moving. - Hold on, hold on.

McGarrett.

Yeah. We're on the way.

What?

They haven't even been here 24 hours yet,

and I'm already going out of my damn mind.

And please, don't say "I told you so," babe.

Baby, I'd never do that.

Your family is my family.

Oh, you're a good wife, sweetheart. I love you.

You know, my family I can handle, but that damn Percy.

Uh, come on, baby, he's not that bad.

Yeah, he's the worst.

But he is not gonna ruin this holiday.

Thanksgiving brunch is on deck,

and the master chef is about to throw down.

Mm-hmm. See, now that's my man.

- Oh, you sweet. - Mm.

Everything's gonna be fine, baby.

I know.

But I did tell you so.

This family ain't nothing but a pack of wolves.

The catch only counts if possession is made in bounds.

Which it did. Junior caught the ball in the end zone.

TANI, I'm over it. You should be, too.

He's right, TANI. Nobody likes a sore loser.

Uh, excuse me, we tied.

A sore tie-er, then.

Oh. Okay.

That's, uh, something I haven't seen before.

Sorry I couldn't make the game.

Um, how'd it go?

- We were robbed. - Well, let's, uh,

leave that crime back there and focus on this one for now.

Duke, what are we looking at,

aside the obvious safe on top of the person?

Homeowners are out of town for the holiday.

Housekeeper arrives this morning

to find this mess.

Broken back door looks to be the point of entry.

Perp went upstairs, took this safe

out of the wall in the master bedroom.

- Got an I.D. on this guy? - Michael Chan.

He's got priors and a day job

working for an airport shuttle service.

So he picks people up at these fancy homes

and knows they're going out of town.

- That's pretty smart. - He's not smart. He's stupid.

He tried to smuggle this ginormous safe out the door?

A classic amateur move.

Yeah, but it looks like he might have tried to use

this blanket to drag the safe down.

But when he tried pulling it down one step at a time,

gravity did its thing.

Safe fell on top of him and smoosh.

Guys, check out the drill marks.

I'm thinking this guy, uh, tried to crack the safe upstairs

before he decided to take it to go.

Close, but not quite. Come check this out.

We found metal shavings next to the body,

indicating that the safe was drilled

right here on top of the guy.

There was more than one thief.

So Plan A was

to get this thing out of here and crack it someplace else.

But then it falls on bad guy number one,

and his partner realizes he can't carry it by himself,

so he's gonna drill it right here in place?

Bad news, he lost a partner.

Good news, he doesn't have to split the take.

The annual presidential turkey pardon.

Some of you might be wondering,

how did this charming tradition come to be?

Legend has it that our beloved 16th president,

"Honest Abe" Lincoln,

was the first to spare the Thanksgiving...

What in the hell is that?

Dry wall mix?

It's kouign-amann, you fat dummy.

You pretentious ass. Them ain't even words.

It's a French pastry, you troglodyte.

That ain't a word, either.

Yeah? Well, it's better than those soggy, limp-ass omelets

you be making.

Just 'cause you big as a house don't make you Emeril Lagasse,

Chubster.

Don't call me that again, man.

Or what?

Hey, pretty girl.

Hey, baby.

Mm. Mm, mm.

Is that all you got, fool? You come to my house?

You hungry, son?

- Oh, I got something... - Hey, hey, hey!

What the hell is going on here?

- Nothing. - Oh, no.

You know, this could be funny,

if both of you weren't grown men.

Shoot, it's funny to me.

- You guys need a reality show. - Will.

Both of you, upstairs and clean up.

Mm.

Hey.

We I.D. our vic's accomplice?

Jerry ran Chan on all our available databases,

came up empty on any known associates.

Right now, we're dumping his phone,

so hopefully that can get us a lead

on who he might've pulled this job with.

Whoever it was, they left a lot of valuable stuff behind.

A handgun, couple Rolexes.