Sex Is Comedy (Scènes intimes)

At low tide it's different, not what I imagined!

Shit, I give up. I forgot about the tide.

To hell with what I imagined,

the sea's always beautiful.

It's something else. More desolate. We'll need fewer extras.

Shit, the extras!

No, it's better! If I'd seen it like this, I'd have known that.

All we need are two shots.

The sea's a long way away.

Just what I suspected! Things were going too well.

You OK? Not cold?

I'm OK.

Jeanne, for me it's not OK. Her lips have gone blue.

We're not ready for the actors. To your dressing rooms!

The extras, too! Keep warm!

To your dressing rooms! Keep warm!

They do what they want, they don't listen.

She's not so bad. But him! Now he won't wear foundation!

I don't give a damn! Make him up!

You heard how he talks to me?

I'll tell him his make-up is continuity.

You have to remove it at night, and use cream.

It's useless!

You should've said it sooner, now it's continuity!

Come on!

My male actors always wear make-up.

I'm different!

It's continuity, don't argue!

Go ahead, Anna.

Let her do her work.

The extras! Can I have another minute of your attention?

I know, it's cold and hard work,

but please remove your woollies!

Don't forget, you're at the beach,

it's sunny, you're lounging around,

having fun, playing soccer, everything's fine...

But we have to hurry because of the sun!

No, it's not too soon! The extras are undressed!

They're turning blue! So let's go!

If he can freeze, she can freeze!

Anyway, that's how it is!

An actor has to be like a fakir.

You walk on red hot coals, and don't get burnt!

Go on, we're going to shoot! Out of the way!

We're shooting!

Bart created a hot Caribbean light. Great, no?

Yes, it's perfect.

But the extras are a pain!

They won't undress? Get rid of them!

I don't want them!

Get rid of them!

There! It's better without them!

Quiet, shooting now, everyone in place,

please!

Roll it!

Rolling.

Speed.

Action!

Cut!

The way you look at her!

It's idiotic, you're awful!

Your smile is all twisted. Like this!

You seem fonder of the crew than her!

Is this helping me?

No, but I have to tell you.

Where's that bum think he's going?

Why shoot if they're lousy?

We can't dawdle! Look at the weather!

They can't even kiss right!

I'll go speak to him.

- You smile up here! - I can't see myself!

We can see you're only kissing her

because it says so in the script!

That mustn't show in the movie.

In real life, people kiss because they want to!

- This isn't real life. - You're an actor!

An actor has to look real, not like an actor!

She doesn't want me to kiss her, she told me!

You have to kiss her. You read the part?

Later you're supposed to make love!

Kiss him.

OK?

Forget that he's talking crap.

You shouldn't even talk to him.

You're dying for him to kiss you.

And you know he'll do it, even though it's absurd,

so when he does it, you...

Don't stop for your lines! To hell with what I wrote!

I want you to kiss interminably.

But he won't kiss me.

He says you won't! I believe you.

The nerve!

I kissed him.

I don't care, I know it's my work!

In love scenes, boys are shier than girls,

so you go it...

The camera's on you, but he could wreck the scene.

He kisses badly.

Not as well as my boyfriend.

So you kiss her badly?

Dunno. I only kiss girls who want to!

Kiss her so she enjoys it, OK?

At least so I, as a spectator, enjoy it!

Go on, kiss now! Let us see. Go on!

Go on, hurry!

Well?

- I get in position? - Yes, I'm waiting!

Not little pecks, kiss her properly.

I want it to last, it must be interminable.

Looks like a corpse!

Let's shoot it.

I'll take that.

- We can go now. - Yes, but right away.

- We're losing the light! - I was rehearsing.

Shooting now! Everyone in place, please!

We're running out of time.

Quiet everyone!

Action!

Look at those two idiots!

That's not how you smooch!

Cut!

Watch out! The equipment!

Crazy country: rain and sunshine at once!

That's the Atlantic coast!

I said let's get it in the can fast!

Get what in the can? You saw that kiss?

It's her! She's turning her head away!

Leo, this is serious:

they're doing it to dodge the sex scene!

They won't do the love scenes.

But without that, I've got nothing.

Here's Mr Two-Faced!

She can't go in the sea. Her mother phoned me at 2AM.

Her mother? She's 18?

Doctor's orders: only up to her knees!

My script says she swims!

If a doctor says she can't, we've got an insurance claim.

Want to make a claim? No? Then I'll shoot.

- And the skinny dip? - Don't say "skinny dip"!

That's not my language! Or how I talk to actors!

Up to there, you're OK.

Right, a horrible shot!

A girl in a swimsuit, cut off there is awful!

If she can't take the icy water, it's my problem!

It's up to her and me! Not you!

It's not for the production manager!

I'll make her swim!

Whatever he and his cronies say:

I'm not nuts.

The actors, pals or not, I can control.

I'm always in control.

They're my actors!

When I seem furious, I'm not really angry.

Maybe I am, but it's good for the role.

That's how the movie has to be shot.

Don't worry, I won't harm the movie!

I'm not worried.

You should be.

I never know what I'll do, it's terrifying.

I don't know how I manage.

It's always a last minute thing.

I love post-industrial garbage dumps.

I dote on whatever mangles the landscape.

Did you break your foot?

No.

I put my foot down!

It broke itself. A metaphor for this film.

Anyway, the cane is fabulous.

- Isn't it? - Very 17th century!

Incredible!

The very same garden as at the villa.

We did our best.

Scary! We just finished it in time.

Even the plants are the same!

They're real.

I love studios.

That reflection will be a pain.

Jeanne, you have to decide.

Bart needs to know the set up.

I want to see the bedroom door to link things,

then we move in closer.

No, in fact the opposite.

We pull back as she goes toward the bedroom.

Or I do it in two shots.

That'll take more time.

Can we do it in one shot?

No problem! We get rid of a wall.

Will that take long?

No...

We'll split it there and there...

- I'll help you. Shall I pour? - No!

You broke your foot?

I put my foot down! To save this film!

- You in pain? - Forget it!

I'm on the set, so I'm not out sick!

Serve me!

You'll see, the mood's different.

In a studio, you're in control.

Not like outside, where the weather's king.

A studio's like a church. A place of speech.