The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

Listen to me!

Killing a few hostages is not sufficient.

The Americans must be made to suffer.

We must humiliate them!

You do not go far enough, General Amin.

We must rip their entrails out and drag them from here to Damascus

until they include us in the peace process.

No! Nonsense!

This solution is not bold enough for Libya.

I say wipe out Washington and New York.

What? And spoil three years of good public relations!

I have the Americans believing I am a nice guy.

In some of their polls, I am more popular than their president.

-Gentlemen! Gentlemen! -

This is getting us nowhere.

If we do nothing else this week,

we must conceive at least one terrorist act

that will show all the world that the United States, the great Satan,

is but a paper tiger, a weak nation of weak people!

A people ripe for destruction!

Cowards, no longer willing to fight!

- -

- -

I knew it!

- -

- -

Hey, who are you?

I'm Lieutenant Frank Drebin, Police Squad,

And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!

Mah!

Hey!

- Oh! Watch out! Whoa! - Watch out!

- -

- -

- -

...38, 39, 40. It's all here.

This completes our first shipment of heroin, 100% pure.

Yeah, it better be, all 40 kilos.

Final shipment will be delivered in three days.

- Then we'll expect payment. - Don't worry.

Police! Throw down your guns!

Kill him.

Agh!

- -

Oh, no!

Aah!

Aaaaaaaah!

Aah!

It's a great day for Americans everywhere.

This man is loved...

Look! I think that's his plane! That's his plane!

...he takes a typical airline dinner...

There he is!

No, no flowers, thank you.

Welcome home, Frank. Good work in Beirut. We all heard what you did.

Thank you, Ed. I just want to know one thing.

Is it true what you wrote me about Victoria?

I'm afraid so, Frank. She just ran off with some guy.

They got married last week.

Then it's over. It's all over. All of this is meaningless.

I did it for her. I did everything for her.

And now she's gone.

And you, you came down here to get the hot story, didn't you?

Pictures of me to sell your lousy newspapers.

-Uh, Frank-- -Sure, you think I'm a big hero,

the man of the hour.

Well, do any of you understand how a man can hurt inside?

Frank, Frank. They're not here for you.

Weird Al Yankovic is on the plane.

What about the wedding? What was she wearing?

Don't torture yourself, Frank. Just put her out of your mind.

I can't get her out of my mind.

What about the guy? You know anything about him?

Not much.

Just that he's an Olympic gymnast, and it's the best sex she's ever had.

I trusted her, followed my heart foolishly, it seems.

Just gonna have to learn to forget.

That's why I took my vacation in Beirut, to get her out of my mind,

to find some peace.

It's not going to be easy.

Everywhere I look, something reminds me of her.

Maybe it's just that cops and women don't mix.

What about Nordberg? I came as soon as I heard.

He's alive, Frank, though he's on life support.

Doctors say he's got a 50-50 chance of living,

Though there's only a 10 percent chance of that.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm.

Where would you like it sent?

Oh, Frank, I'm so glad you came!

Wilma, it's good to see you. I came as soon as I heard.

Thank you, Frank.

-Where's Nordberg? -He's right here, Frank.

Right.

Nordberg, it's me, Frank, your buddy.

Aah!

I'll get it! Wait a minute.

Oh!

Get the switch on the bottom of the bed!

Nordberg?

It's me, Frank. Now who did this to you?

I... love you.

I love you too, Nordberg. Who were they?

Ship... Boat.

That's right, Nordberg, a boat.

When you're better, we'll go sailing together on a boat.

We'll take a cruise, just like last year.

No. Drugs...

Hey, nurse, give this man some drugs. Quick! Can't you see he's in pain?

No. No. Heroin! Heroin, Frank!

Nordberg, that's a pretty tall order.

You're gonna have to give me a couple of days on that one.

Oh, oh, my poor Nordberg. He was such a good man, Frank.

He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?

Well, it's hard to tell.

Could be a roving gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband,

a gay lover.

Frank, get ahold of yourself.

A good cop...

needlessly cut down and ambushed by some cowardly hoodlum.

That's no way for a man to die.

Yeah, you're right, Ed.

A parachute not opening-- That's a way to die.

Getting caught in the gears of a combine,

having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.

Oh, Frank! Oh, this is terrible!

Don't you worry, Wilma. Your husband is going to be all right.

Don't you worry about anything. Just think positive.

Never let a doubt enter your mind.

He's right, Wilma,

but I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.

What I'm trying to say is that, Wilma,

as soon as Nordberg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.

Unless he's a drooling vegetable. But I think that's only common sense.

Wilma, can you think of any reason

that Nordberg was at the waterfront last night?

No...

But I found this at home, in a drawer.

A photograph.

"I Luv You," out of Caracas.

A Panamanian ship.

Frank, when Nordberg said "I love you," he was telling you the name of the ship.

I realize that... now.

We'd better check this out. I want every available man on this.

I can't spare anybody, Frank.

You know we're in charge of security for Queen Elizabeth's visit.

I'm short-handed already.

Wilma, I promise you, whatever scum did this,

not one man on this force will rest for one minute until he's behind bars.

-Now let's grab a bite to eat. -Yeah, come on, Wilma.

...that due to the extraordinary efforts of some of our civic leaders,

Queen Elizabeth has included the city of Los Angeles

as one of the three cities she will visit during her American tour.