Deep Murder

Oh, Doug, we should stop.

Someone's at the door.

Oh, come on.

Don't be such a tease.

I'm hard as a diamond right now.

And you know you want it real good.

Oh god, it just feels so wrong with my husband, your brother,

downstairs, and my son, your nephew, down the hall

with his best friend, and the babysitter,

my trusted employee, presumably somewhere in the house.

That's what makes it so hot.

Now come on.

Let's get this thingy off.

And let me see those titties.

Let me see them.

Oh, touchdown!

Yo, Hugh.

Isn't it crazy that we're going to college

in, like, a whole week?

I just hope I have better luck there

than I did in high school.

Not with my studies, of course.

But with the ladies.

You can't go to college a virgin.

You'll be toast.

You'll get laughed out of every lecture hall.

Jace, I've tried.

But not everyone can be the captain

of the varsity and junior varsity football teams.

What about your hot babysitter?

Oh, field goal.

Cool.

I wouldn't know what to say.

Hi, big boys.

Hope I'm not interrupting.

I just needed a break from babysitting.

I'm not supposed to get off for I don't know how many hours.

And I thought maybe we could do something about that.

About to show you how it's done.

Hey.

You know I'm a quarterback, right?

That's how it's done.

Oh, you're a quarterback?

Lucky for you I'm a tight end.

I didn't know you liked football.

What's your favorite team?

Mine's the Monterey Jambos.

Jace takes the handoff.

And he's going all the way.

I haven't been touched in months.

It's so hard with my husband, your brother, always

so busy with his work, tax season.

No more talking.

No more talking.

No?

This is going to get nasty.

More noise.

Be louder.

Louder.

Oh, Doug.

That's it, yeah.

Oh, Doug.

Oh, you're so dirty, Doug.

Hope you're not planning to just stare at it.

Only if you return the favor.

You're crazy.

Come here.

Hugh, get in on her.

Come on, Hugh.

Come here, man.

Ah!

Someone should probably go get that.

You two have fun, though.

Be safe.

Mom, someone's at the door.

Then answer it.

Mommy's busy.

- You're a bad mommy. - Yeah?

You're a bad mommy.

You think I'm a bad mommy?

I think you're the worst mommy.

Call social services.

Let's call them right now.

You're going to call social services on me.

Yes, and your final page

is coming through on the fax now.

I am a very sophisticated investor, sir.

Can someone get the god damn door?

Sorry, dad. I'm on it.

No, not you, Mr. Yakamoro.

There's a terrible storm coming.

I'm Dr. Bunny Van Clit.

I'm a weather scientist.

A storm?

What do you mean, doctor?

Everyone in this town was supposed to evacuate,

but now it's too late.

Hurricane Muff is already upon us.

My whole family's in this house.

I'm the son, Hugh Dangler.

We're all going to have to hole up here until Muff passes.

So you're a real scientist.

I love science.

Really?

So do I. I should probably get out of these wet clothes.

Maybe you can think of a way to warm me up?

I'll go get you a towel.

I have rubbers in my JanSport.

Be right back.

Don't be long.

Too late.

I already am.

Oh!

I want you to make me feel like a woman again.

I want you to stick your finger in my butthole.

I'm going to go freshen up.

What?

Freshen up?

Why?

Things are about to get filthy.

Damn it, Hugh.

You choked again.

My dad was right.

I am a virgin.

Ah!

What the fuck is that?

I think he's dead!

Uncle Doug!

Uncle Doug, wa-- wake up!

What is happening?

Please, no.

Who are you?

I'm Dr. Bunny Van Clit.

I'm a weather scientist.

Oh my God, oh my God.

What is all this racket?

Oh my God, look at that.

On my bed.

No.

Oh my God.

What do we do?

I don't know.

Is he dead?

I think he's dead.

I've never known anyone who died before.

And on a $4,200 duvet.

Damn it.

Looks like I'm working late again tonight.

What if we put his blood back in him?

Yeah, that's where blood lives--

inside of bodies.

I know one way to get a man's blood pumping again.

Oh, honey, no.

Oh.

Honey, no, stop.

He's dead, all right?

What do we do now?

Do we fuck?

I don't think so.

I'm not saying on the body.

We can fuck around the body.

We can fuck on the-- on the side of the body.

We don't even have to be in the same-- (DEFENSIVELY)

no one else has any ideas.

It's OK.

There are no bad ideas in science.

Who the hell is this?

Dr. Bunny Van Clit.

You can call me Bunny Van Clit--

Dr. Bunny Van Clit, Bunny for short.

I'm a weather scientist.

Maybe we should call someone.

My cousin, Orin, lives down the street.

Like the police--

9-1-1.