The Jewel of the Nile

It was a day like no other.

It was a day I had always dreamed of.

A day I would never forget.

Will you marry this woman and take her to your heart...

forever devoted and forever young?

I will.

And will you marry this man and take him to your heart...

forever devoted and forever young?

I will.

Would you now place the ring on her finger?

I now declare...

What a shame we had uninvited guests.

I'll have what I came for this day!

Jack politely asked him to leave.

Kiss steel, bastard!

Jack!

Jack!

Hold tight! I'm coming!

His temper flared, but he fought like a gentleman.

Ooh!

Jack!

Jack!

Whoa!

Oh! Ah!

My one true love had fought bravely, but it wasn't enough.

There was only room for one more.

It was either my love or myself.

– You take it, my love. – Never! Those maggots will not have you!

They will not have me for long.

I have consumption and will be dead before the year is out.

You were gonna marry me with consumption? Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't want to spoil things.

– Go! – No!

Live to fight another day!

Whatever makes you happy.

With Jack, my happiness always came first.

I faced my fate alone.

The 10 turned to 20, the 20 to 40.

Could this be the end of my freedom, my salvation, my...

Hey, gorgeous!

Hey! Hiya, Joanie!

If you taste for adventure

And you're dealing with danger

What happened?

You could use my assistance

I could shorten the distance

From a tear to a smile

Stick with me We'll go through it in style

It's easy when romance is in your heart

And it really doesn't matter what you do or where you are

"Was this the end of my freedom, my salvation?"

My career?

We'll go searching for the Jewel of the Nile

You and I can touch the Jewel of the Nile

And the greatest gem of all

Is the love within us all

It's easy when romance is in your heart

And it really doesn't matter

What you do or where you are

Love is only an emotion away

Can you feel it?

Oh, can you feel it inside?

You and I can touch the Jewel of the Nile

Whoo! Ah!

Gorgeous day. Huh, gorgeous?

We got blue skies...

nice warm water and a cold beer.

Honey, did you get any more Buds?

No, I just didn't have time today to ravage the Riviera for your beer.

– Tough day, huh? – Yeah, you could say it was tough.

But then when the going gets tough, the tough...

I don't know what the tough do.

I don't know what the pirates do, or what anybody does.

– Jack... – Oh, honey. I know, I know, baby. I know.

Hey, I know.

Look out there. What do you see?

– Bloomingdale's? – No!

– Greece. – Greece?

Yeah. Mykonos, Lesbos, ouzo, olive oil. Honey, we're going.

Wait. I thought you said that we were going back to New York for a while.

Absolutely. When the summer's over we're going.

Oh, Jack, we've been on this boat half a year now. I need shore leave.

I promised Gloria I'd finish that book three months ago, and I can't.

I don't know what happens next.

I thought you wanted to sail around the world with me.

Well, I do, but not all of it this week!

I mean, Jack, this is just becoming a blur.

Exotic ports and great parties and spectacular sunsets...

It's not enough.

It's not enough?!

You sound like someone who's got what they wanted and now don't want what they got.

– I wanna do something serious. – Serious? Come on!

How much romance can one woman take?

Joan Wilder?

From your most devoted friend.

Thank you.

"This afternoon we shall meet... awaiting the moment." What's this afternoon?

– Must be somebody coming to the reception. – That's not till next Tuesday.

This is "next Tuesday", Jack.

– Jack, you said you were getting a car. – If I knew it was Tuesday, I would've. Sorry.

That's all right.

Whaddaya say we spin that roulette wheel while we're there?

Sounds great.

Argh!

– Merci, monsieur. Au revoir. Merci. Goodbye. – Jack. Jack?

– Yeah? – She can't leave now.

– Why not? – What do you mean, "Why not?"

– Oh, my God. – I'm your biggest fan!

– I read all your books. – Thank you.

– Laissez-nous tranquilles! – I'm so happy to see you.

– This is my publisher. Gloria Horne. – Oh, your publisher.

– And this is, um... – You are Mr Wilder?

No, I'm Mr Colton. Jack Colton.

What do you do, Mr Colton?

– Casino work. – Casino work?

Yeah. I think I'll go downstairs and punch in. Excuse me, excuse me.

– But... – I'll be back!

God, I've got to have a drink!

Literary functions are not Jack's speed.

I mean, his favourite author is the man who wrote "Pull Tab to Open".

– I am his favourite author. – You saying it's none of my business?

Let me tell you, Jack is not the marrying kind.

I am worried. You're the girl who never gets a book back late to the library.

You are three months past your deadline. What gives? Un scotch, double.

My heart just isn't in it. Romance just doesn't seem real to me any more.

Real? You don't write "real". You write about people that sail off into the sunset.

– And the next day when the sun comes up? – There is no next day in romance.

Stop confusing real life with a romantic novel.

– Joanie, just finish it. – I can't.

After 17 books, I don't know how it ends any more.

Then permit me to tell you.

It doesn't end.

It only begins anew when you journey down the Nile with me.

– Have you got the right woman? – No.

My name is Omar Khalifa and I have traveled 1,000 miles to tell you I need you.

– You sent me the flowers. – They pale by your beauty.

Oh, Mary!

– I read about you. – Yes, I know. Time magazine.

Well, I'm afraid the Western press cannot understand the spirit of my vision.

You are a writer. You can understand.

So, Joan Wilder, you must come and write my story.

I only write romance novels.

Yes. And you haven't finished the one you're working on right now.

You are a gifted storyteller. You create heroes in a world of cynics.

Journey down the Nile with me and I'll give you a chance to record history.

– Come. We must leave today. – Joanie!

In just four nights I will become Emperor, and you will have the exclusive story.

– They have emperors on the Nile? – They do now.

Oh, shit.

So now what are we celebrating?

– The Nile! – Oh, the Nile.

We've been invited to Africa.

Uh, Jack Colton, Omar Khalifa.

How do you do?

He's asked me – me – to write his story. It's just what I've always wanted to do!

And now Joan's work will receive the serious attention that it deserves.

And this will be her biggest accomplishment:

My biography.

What's so important there that you have to write the book now?

– Mr Khalifa has... – Omar, please.

Omar has been chosen to unite the tribes of the Nile...

and end the strife that has bloodied his land.

He will carry on the work of the missing Great Redeemer.

– You have listened very well. – You got all that in 20 minutes?

As a friend of Miss Wilder's, you are welcome to be my guest also.

– Thank you. – My pleasure.

Could I talk to you for a minute, please?

I thought you wanted to go to New York.

– That's all changed. – That fast?

But to write a biography – it's something important, something real.

– This is what I've been looking for. – Isn't it a little bit over your head?

I think it's a great chance.

So you got your heart set on it?

Mine's set on Greece.

So when are you gonna leave?

Tonight. Um, he has a private jet and...

Oh, he's got a private jet.

– Oh, what the hell. We had a good run. – Oh, Jack, come on.

This is just five or four weeks of research.

Maybe you're right. Maybe we need a break.

It's... it's been kind of tough lately.

Yeah. When the going gets tough, the tough go to Greece!

– Well, I'll write you. – Where?

Yeah.

Where?

I think I'll go down and give that roulette wheel one more chance.

You take care of yourself.

And you stay out of trouble.

Look out for her, will ya?

I can offer you this comfort: She leaves you for a higher purpose.

Yeah.

Free Al-Jawhara!

Don't be frightened. You know, a man of vision has many enemies.

And my destiny is to outsmart them. You see?

Like it?

It's OK.

Well, sweetheart, I guess it's just you and me.

Goddamn it, she was the best time I ever had.

Don't cry, scumbag! I'll keep you company.

Cartagena, Colombia! Long time no... Oh, shit.