Louie

Can't mess with me,

got the world by the balls, baby.

Going for the full ride.

Can't get over myself.

14 years old, born in 1997.

Here's my school I.D.

I'm a junior in high school.

I skipped the 9th grade, skipped the 10th grade.

Man, I'm gonna graduate at 16.

Marry you right now, come on, girl.

Don't be scared.

I'm gonna be educated.

Come on, girl.

Gonna rain.

Gonna rain.

Why did you wanna come here?

I don't know, it's a good place.

Did you wanna take me here

because it looks Frenchy and cool-looking?

No, I mean...

Have you ever eaten here?

Yeah... When?

Liar.

You picked it out because you thought

that I would think you were cool,

which you're not, you need to face it.

You're very, very un-cool, Louie.

And you're very boring.

Yeah, well, you're not exactly--

Yes, I am exactly.

Come on, you think I'm awesome.

I think you're okay, it's just the way it is.

We need to admit that or just walk away.

Okay.

I wish the food would come.

Why? 'Cause I'm starving.

Really, you're starving?

You can't just be hungry for a second?

Is your life gonna end?

Do you have to constantly shove bread in your hole?

I don't have to.

I-- I have to.

Aww...

Ugh, my God.

That guy who just walked in.

Which one?

The one over there with the face.

Yeah?

Yeah, I think I did something with him.

You did something?

What, you robbed a bank?

No, I did something.

Oh.

Ten years ago, I don't know.

My God.

He didn't get old.

So you slept with him.

I don't know I don't remember.

But you said you did something.

Yeah, but I don't know if this

is my mouth, my pussy, or...

Or?

Yeah, "or."

I used to do that.

You used to? Yeah.

Quite a bit.

But now...

Now, I mean, it's not like I officially retired.

It's not like they hung my jersey from the rafters,

but, definitely no one's been in there for awhile.

It just kinda tapered off. It tapered off?

Yeah.

The constant flow of penises into your asshole

just-- just tapered off.

Yeah, just died out.

Must've been global warming or something.

Long term.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Th That's really go.

Oh, my Jesus.

Mmm.

Kick a Jesus in the face, this is delicious.

I told you this is a great place.

Shut up, you didn't know.

This is the best thing I've ever tasted.

I'm gonna eat this and then go home and kill myself.

I can't wait to eat the shit that I take

from eating this food.

Oh, my God, that's the funniest thing you ever said.

Seriously, that's the first time you've ever made me laugh.

Louie, you're the unfunniest comedian in the world.

That's the first thing you ever said that was funny.

Look how pleased she is with herself.

Oh, she is so pleased. No.

Good for you. Okay.

Good for her. Uh-huh.

Just shut up.

Last week, I took Serge to Disney World.

He was too scared to go on any rides.

It was such a bummer.

I was so excited, I love rides.

But he cried like a little bitch every time

I tried to get him to go on one.

Ah, poor little guy.

What, poor?

He's ten, he can't be afraid of shit like that.

If he's scared, he's scared.

No, not. What no not?

I have to toughen him up.

He can't go through life being afraid of everything.

Yeah, but it's normal to be afraid of a ride.

It's not like there's a lot of challenges in life where

you're gonna be thrown around 'til you puke.

So it's-- you're building a skill

he gets to use only at Disney World.

I get it, 'cause I hate rides.

You get scared?

Yeah, I went on a Ferris wheel one time,

and I screamed like a little girl

who just saw a spider in her vagina.

Oh, man.

Oh, Jesus, you're on a roll.

Whoa.

No.

Pamela... What?

Pamela...

Oh, come on.

Can't we just share a laugh?

Why you gotta take it to the level all the time?

Look at your face.

Look, we both know...

Don't... don't, please.

I just have this feeling-- Don't, no--

--these feelings. I don't want to see your bummed-out face

at the end of this road.

Just please stop the car, Louie.

Why?

Because... I value your friendship.

And you're about to end it.

Why are you saying that?

Because...

you keep pressing me, man.

And I can't go that way.

You're gonna get so bummed out and you're gonna wanna stop

hanging out with me.

You're worried I'm not gonna wanna hang out with you?

Dude.

Look, I know you don't feel the same way about me.

I get-- I know that, I'm not stupid.

I don't-- it's fine.

I'm actually fine with the way things are,

that I'm in a constant state of agitation.

It's actually better than any real requited

love/sex thing I ever had.

Okay, now you're depressing me.

I'm-- no, I'm saying that I-- I wanna be your friend.

And it's okay with me that there's nothing else.

But can I just--