LA to Vegas

This is your captain.

As we make our final descent into Los Angeles,

we here at Jackpot would like to thank you for being a...

Son of a bitch!

You bunch of useless bastards.

How do you miss that shot?

Should you be doing that right now?

Got a lot of money riding on this game.

More than your car is worth.

You bet $80,000 on a game?

What? No, what the hell kind of car do you...

Somebody grab a rebound!

You know, if you want to focus on that, I can land the...

Stop talking. Every time you talk, the other team scores.

Damn it. Now that you're not talking,

the other team is scoring more.

- Talk again. - Um, well, wh-when I was young,

I-I saw my best friend get kidnapped from a movie theater.

I didn't say anything.

Come on, come on, shoot.

Shoot! Shoot!

Oh, God.

Did you win?

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

Remember that announcement I made a few minutes ago?

About everyone closing their laptops before landing?

You're right. I didn't mean you.

You're different. You're special.

You're not understanding sarcasm.

I'm sorry, Bernard,

but my professor evaluations just came through.

And I only got one apple out of five.

I once got a staph infection at an Airbnb.

I still gave it two stars.

Well, you could think of it as a challenge.

And you have no idea how boring it gets

getting only good reviews all the time.

- Mm. - Especially when those good reviews

are covered by nothing but a thin layer of sweatpant.

I remember the good old days when people

would dress up to be perverts.

I once saw Gregory Peck walk into a strip club

in top hat and tails.

You know the worst part? None of the students even left comments.

How am I supposed to know what I'm doing wrong?

Hey. I say, it's better without comments.

Hearing the truth never helps.

I'll give you example.

Hey, you have weird neck,

and you gave it to baby.

You see?

That doesn't make it better.

Thank you for flying Jackpot.

Thanks. Oh. Wait, no, no, no, no, no. That's not garbage.

My life is in here.

I got evicted from my apartment

and only had ten minutes to pack.

This is everything I own worth keeping.

Oh, Ronnie. You continue to teach me that "sad"

is a diamond with infinite facets.

- How did you get yourself evicted? - Well...

Instead of focusing on the negative,

they could've just been happy I'm trying to quit smoking.

I wish it was 2005, so I could call you a hot mess.

I mean, I can tell how many glasses of wine

you had last night just by looking at you.

Three.

Oh, girl, and it was boxed.

Actually, it was canned.

Bernard, that's brilliant.

That's the kind of insight I need.

Could you come to my class and tell me

what's wrong with my teaching?

I need your brutal but cheeky honesty.

No, don't help him. Help me.

Okay, you have the posture of a Disney witch.

No, not more insults.

I need somewhere to stay until I find a new apartment.

Okay, fine. You can stay with me. Briefly.

And you, King's Speech.

I'll come to your class and rip you apart.

do you have a family history

of insecurity and depression?

Well, I'm British. So, yes. Yeah.

Hey, Captain Dave.

Captain Dave!

Run to my voice.

Captain Dave.

Oh, hey, Artem.

I didn't see you there.

Oh, that was a tough loss.

You know, I wish everyone could be winners,

but then there would be no one

that owed me money.

By the way, you owe me money.

You know what? I don't have it on me or near me.

I will get it the day after today.

- Tomorrow? - Deal.

Just tell me where you live.

I'll come, get money.

I'm actually flying out to Wyoming, but don't worry,

I'll let you know as soon as I'm back in town.

Oh, here's my ride.

Say hello to Wyoming.

Of all the Tetons, they have the grandest.

Hi, roomie.

Here are the house rules.

No shoes on the Bowron sheepskin,

pillows are decorative unless otherwise noted,

and your bathroom is the Bristol Farms down the street.

This is the whole list.

I didn't know they made a font this small.

6:00 is kimono hour. If you don't have a kimono,

you'll be rented one at a competitive rate.

I think I have one of those.

That is a sari.

What are you trying to pull?

Okay. So lots of rules.

But that's okay, I can handle this.

Anything else I should know?

Yes. Never... no matter what you see, what you hear...

Never, ever, open that red door.

So, welcome, girl.

Oh, hey, Artem, I know I said I'd be back soon,

but I'm still in Yellowstone.

Three, two, one.

Wow, that's a reliable geyser.

- Well, got to go. No... - reception.

Ronnie.

Hands off, I have Hep C!

I'm sorry, that's a little technique

I learned at a self-defense class.

Did you sleep here?

What happened to staying with Bernard?

It just didn't work out.

Ronnie.

Was I not clear?

So we mutually agreed to part ways.

It was just so many rules, and rules are for work, you know?

When I get home, I just want to relax and open any door I want.

Well, you can't stay here. Sleeping in places like this

is probably how you got Hep C in the first place.

No, I don't, I don't actually have...

Never mind, I'll be fine.

When I'm in L.A., I'll sleep here,

and on layovers, Jackpot puts us up in a hotel anyway.

Lots of flight attendants do it, just look at Mernine.

This is my favorite episode

- of Friends. - Oh, hey, Mernine.

Look, I hate seeing you like this.

- And as your mentor... - You're not my mentor.

It's my job to help you tap into your potential.

So I'm gonna make you an offer

I've never extended to anyone before.

I'm inviting you to stay with me

until you get back on your feet.

Thank you, but I'm fine.

This place isn't that bad.

I have a roof over my head, a comfortable couch.

Mernine is 34 years old.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

Thank you for flying Jackpot.

And so the principle of opportunity cost,

as demonstrated very clearly in this next slide is...

Why are the lights on?

What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on. You.

And on and on and on and on.

You bored everyone out of here.

Well, not everyone.

- Thank you for staying, Alex. - Oh.

It was too dangerous to leave with the lights off.

I thought about it. Thought about it a lot.

So how did I do?

Give it to me straight.

I'm gonna start with what you did right.

You asked me to come here.

That's it.

Okay, that can't be it.

Come on, this is a compliment sandwich situation,

I'm assuming. There's gonna be more at the end?

This sandwich is open-faced. You're so dull.

You're like a textbook that made a wish to become a real boy.

Well, what do I do?

I mean, I need your help. Improve me.

Sorry, I don't build people up... I just tear 'em down.

But I do know someone who's very good with men

and up for the challenge.

Who's horny for sex-onomics?

That's "economics."

Are you serious right now?

Thanks again for letting me crash with you, Dave.

You don't have to thank me, Ronnie...

That's what I'm here for.

That and Herbalife supplements.

It worked for me... It can work for you.

But we'll get to that later.

Hey, you know what, I'm actually not parked in this lot.

Do you want to just give me your address