The Canadoo

Hi, I'm Taylor.

I'm 22 years old.

I'm from Miami, Florida.

I think that I'm more than perfect for the show

because I'm cute, I'm spunky, I'm spontaneous.

I'll try anything once.

Who can so no to me?

What's up guys?

I'm Shawn.

There's really only three things you need to know about me.

I'm young, I'm dumb,

and I'm full of surprises.

Hi, my name is Ashley.

I live on a farm outside of Charleston.

My name's Derrick.

I'm 24 years old.

I'm competitive and I'm a winner.

The name's Adam.

I am 20 years old.

I think I'd be good for your survival show.

And you know cast me in the show.

Maybe it'll raise your production value a little bit.

Hey there.

I'm Derrick.

Ashley.

I'm guessing you're here for the show.

Yeah.

It's where the e-mail I got said to be.

Same here.

Hey guys.

I'm Taylor.

- Adam. - Ashley.

Derrick.

Is this it?

The e-mail I got said

that we should all be

Whoo!

Let's get this party started.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Shawn.

I'm the winner.

Hey, Shawn, I'm the winner.

Cocky much?

I'm just stating the facts, baby girl.

Okay, on that note,

you guys all got the same e-mail, right?

- Blah, blah, blah, grand prize of $50,000.

Wait a minute, is that an iPod?

Yeah.

Why do you have an iPod?

Well they said

that we could each bring one item of our own.

And you decided to bring an iPod?

- You do know those things need charge, right?

And what did you bring, your pom poms?

What?

This complexion doesn't come naturally.

I don't think you're gonna need

any help with that out here.

- But if you need any help applying it, I got your back.

Well, I brought this.

My fiance gave it to me on our second anniversary.

It was a really, really nice--

- Did any of you guys bring anything that's actually useful?

Since you're the expert,

why don't you educate us, survivor man!

- Bug spray? - Yeah.

Have any of you guys actually ever seen one of these shows?

All the contestants are covered from head to toe

in mosquito bites by the end of the first night.

Did you bring a night light too?

Well what'd you bring?

Muscle milk?

I got everything I need right here.

Welcome to reality TV.

Hey guys.

Are you here for us?

Throw a line, tie her up.

Are you sure this thing is safe?

Tell me this thing is just for the show.

So where are you taking us?

Is it just me or does it feel like

these trees are watching us?

- I'm a little more worried about this floating death trap.

Wouldn't wanna get that iPod wet.

Honestly I think I'd rather be swimming.

- In that case, I'll just throw you overboard.

Stop it.

- Guys, be careful with any sudden movement.

This thing may capsize.

They say war flanked these hills

years before the white man settled.

Tribes butchered tribes for nothing more

than land and crops.

Blood seeped through the ground

and cried out for retribution.

What crawled out of the womb of the Earth

was a force neither man nor God could shackle.

When settlers finally came

their eyes played witness to unimaginable horrors.

What was one a place of life

was now a gallery of death.

Bodies littered the earth, consumed the trees,

yet the forest seems as if it feeds day and night

on the souls of men.

Its hunger for flesh remains unsatisfied.

Its thirst for blood remains unquenched.

Beware all mortal souls who enter these woods.

None shall return.

Bravo, bravo!

Now that, ladies and gents is quality entertainment.

Coulda gone with a few more fireworks and explosions

but overall not too bad.

At least he looks the part.

- And he sure is cotton pickin' good at it.

- Hey now. - Guys, it's usually

not a good idea to make fun of a man with a gun.

Come on, it's not real.

All show it is.

It's just in case the Union soldiers

happen to come marching through these here parts.

Hey, you mind if I borrow some chew?

I hear cancer's making a comeback.

Oh that's so disgusting.

What?

You mean to tell me you don't wanna play tonsil hockey

with Jed Clampett over there?

That's it, I resign.

Dry land.

Thank God, I never thought being stranded

would look so good.

Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.

Where is everyone?

- Yeah, shouldn't there be some kinda host or camera crew?

Hey, is this it?

Is it really just us?

It's a Sony Handycam.

Are you serious?

What year did they steal that thing from?

- Jesus, it still uses mini DV tapes.

Mini what?

- Guys, am I the only one concerned that nobody is out here?

You guys are so naive.

They probably have this whole forest rigged with cameras.

They've probably been watching this whole time.

I'm sure they're watching us right now.

And this, thank you, is for our POV footage.

You know for our diary shots and stuff.

All right, let's say you're right.

So what do we do now?

How about we just walk into the woods

until we find a good spot?

Wait a minute, I think we gotta be

a little bit more strategic than that.

You got a map there, Marco Polo?

- No, but I got a little bit of common sense.

Why don't we just follow the river

and maybe it'll lead to a large source of water.

- You know what, how about we just follow the river.

I'm sure it'll lead to a larger source of water.

Let the journey begin.

Journey begins.

- So ladies, why don't you tell us about yourselves.

What would you like to know?

What do you like to do for fun?

The usual.

Sleepovers, pillow fights in our underwear.

Mm, what do you say, Ashley?

Is that accurate?

- I prefer horseback riding, going to the theater,

hanging out with my fiance, Brad.

So you like movies?

No, like musical theater.

You know plays?

Yeah, that's boring.

Well as you ladies know, the 50,000 big ones

will only be awarded to the last man standing.

Of course man standing, obviously.

And since there's no question that I'll go the distance,

which many females can attest to,

my question is this, who do you think

will be the first person to leave the island?

I'd say Adam.

Interesting.

Why Adam?

I know his type.

Unless he can turn that hoodie of his

into a fully functional RV,

I don't think he'll stand a chance.

Oh I like that.

It would appear the kitten has claws.

- So who do you think will be the first to go?

- My money's on Lieutenant Dan back there.

Hey Lieutenant Dan, you want some ice cream?

(chuckles) Not one of us girls?

Oh don't get me wrong, ladies.

I'm going to win.

But if I had to choose, I'd rather get stuck

out here with you two.

Who knows what might happen.

Dreaming, lover boy.