Deep Rising

- How we doin' out there, Leila? - Fuck you!

How you doing, my ass! I'm totally soaked out here.

Aw, come on now, I pay you two bucks a day, don't I?

Get off your lazy ass and come and help me!

Cut me some slack, will ya?

I'm workin' hard too, you know.

Now what?

- Son of a bitch. Pantucci! - Shit, man!

I'm flyin' blind up here,

Brainiac. I thought you fixed the radar.

It's a little temperamental. You have to be gentle.

Gentle, my ass.

The whole system just crapped out on me.

Killed off by your negative vibes, no doubt.

No doubt.

Are you hittin' that thing again?

No.

You know, where is it written that I have to go

out there and work?

I mean, you know, Finnegan, why don't you get your ass

out there sometime?

I love you too, Leila.

- Everything all right? - Just peachy.

We are on schedule, are we not?

You didn't hire me for my social graces.

We hired you for your reputation.

You better live up to it.

Where are we?

Right there. Middle of nowhere.

- And our final destination? - Right... there.

- Middle of nowhere squared. - Finny.

Yeah, I heard of you. But I thought you'd be older.

Like a fine wine, I'm aging gracefully.

Thank you.

Like a fine wine, my ass.

You look more like a keg of beer to me.

Any questions, Mr Finnegan?

Nope. I get paid to shut up and do my job.

So I shut up and do my job.

You're not the least bit curious as to

where we're going?

Like the sign says, If the cash is there,

we do not care.

Very good.

Where the hell are we goin'?

Ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen. Mesdames et messieurs.

If I could have your attention for just one moment, please.

On behalf of myself, Captain Atherton and his crew,

welcome to the maiden voyage of the Argonautica!

Each and every one of the hundreds of men

and women... in service upon this vessel...

has but one objective:

To make your dreams come true.

As for myself, my entire life...

I have had but one dream:

To create the greatest, most luxurious,

most expensive pleasure ship ever built.

And tonight, seeing all of you here...

so beautiful, so elegant,

so rich...

I realize that my dream has come true,

and I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for

making it so.

To the Argonautica! Good times forever!

Forever!

We're having a wonderful time.

This ship is so smooth we can't believe it!

She's state-of-the-art.

Not another ship like her, ma'am.

She can hit a 40-foot swell and not even put

a ripple across your martini.

It's been very nice meeting you people.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the cruise.

Thank you so much, Captain.

Oh! Excuse me.

Non, non, excusez-moi, mon capitaine.

Really, very sorry.

Au revoir.

Nice picture.

I hate this bloody water stuff.

- That reminds me, I'm hungry. - You're always hungry.

Yeah. So? I'm a growing boy, you know.

- You're still growing? - You got a problem with that?

Be happy I don't eat you.

So what you realizing, Mamooli?

Well, that my goal in life before I die...

is to make love to a woman from every country on earth.

Like, countries acknowledged by the U. N?

Or like, made-up countries too?

- What the hell does that mean? - Like T. Ray's country.

Shut your face, Billy. Australia's a country.

Australia's an island.

Well, technically, it's a continent.

Shit, man. Island, country, continent.

If there's women there, well, I'm interested.

You come to my country, I shoot your ass.

Does he ever talk about anything else but women?

Nah, not that I recall.

The only way to shut him up is to shoot him.

- Yeah, that's right. - Yeah?

You ever thought about it?

Every day.

Come on, boys.

Sit down, right?

Go back to Australia.

All right, what's this, now?

A book without pictures. Well done, mate.

You know what I want to eat?

I'll take a couple of nice, greasy pig's feet,

some pickled monkey brains and one of them

big elephant eyeballs.

Raw, so they pop when you bite them.

Yummy.

You like that?

Oh, man, that's disgusting.

T. Ray, you stinking up the place.

Oh, shut up.

Hey, knock it off. You're not getting paid to party.

Pantucci! Pantucci!

You're not where I think you are, are ya?

Hola.

Listen, this radar's still funky.

I can feel it, and it's a very bad feeling.

You know how many uncharted islands are out here?

I don't know. Two?

Very funny.

Wait 'til I crash this rig into some goddam, no-name island.

What is this, a talk show? I need some quiet time.

Over and out.

Nasty.

Hit you.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

I'm feelin' a real lack of love here.

Get in there!

Well, what do we have here, fellas?

I found him snoopin' around the cargo.

If there's anything I can do to make your trip

more comfortable, come to me.

G'day, mate.

Well, don't just sit there! Go help him!

Are you kiddin' me? Those guys are dangerous.

No shit!

You've got to do something.

I find you live longer if you don't.

Finnegan!

We got a contract.

Twenty hours out and back.

You beat my engine man to death, it's gonna take

a hell of a lot longer.

Which is okay by me, since overtime will run you

double rate.

He was nosin' around in my cargo.

Okay, so he's nosey.

The contract was no questions asked.

Yo, fellas. I vote...

we kick this little piece of shit overboard.

Well, I vote we kill him.

I vote we kill him, then we throw him overboard.

Well, we don't vote here. See, it's not a democracy.

Okay. I'll say it one more time for the hearing impaired.

This could be messy.

Vivo.

Everybody okay? Anybody gonna shoot anybody?

You know, you boys ought to get out more often.

That's a year off my life.

Please enter your security key card.

Good evening, Captain Atherton.

- Good evening to you. - The vault is now open.

Oh, choices, choices.

You're a big, bad boy, aren't ya?

You're more my size.

Et voila, le necklace.

Good evening, mademoiselle.

Hello.

Redhanded. My God, what a cheeky little trollop you are.

Good evening, gentlemen. I was just on my way out.

- Or maybe not. - A good decision.

There's no place to run. The nearest land is...

What, 600 miles, Captain?

Nearer 800, sir.

According to this fax we received...

Oh, that's not a very flattering photograph, is it?

You're wanted for burglary, robbery, forgery.

And attempted murder.

My ex-boyfriend. What?

Six arrests, five convictions, and wanted in four countries.

How does a beautiful woman as young as yourself...

amass such an incredible record?

Trust me, it wasn't easy.

I think it's because you're not very good at what you do.

Oh!

Steady on, Canton. No need for that.

I believe that's my card.

Thank you.

Do we have a brig on this ship?

Yes, we do, sir. But it's not finished yet.

- Can't put a lady in the brig! - True.

But you, mademoiselle, are no lady.