Lost Cos

THERE ARE SOME WHO LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD

AND THERE ARE OTHERS WHO FACE REALITY.

AND THEN THERE ARE THOSE

WHO TURN ONE

INTO THE OTHER.

Douglas H. Everett

Trick or treat, trick or treat, trick or treat, trick or treat

Dressing up is for clowns.

You a clown? Huh?

Are you a clown, huh?

Mami , no!

Don't fight me.

Mami , no!

LOST COS

That's our missing Newark guy.

What's with the gills?

Beats me, you'd think he could swim better.

Is that mine?

Got a bacon, egg and cheese with tomato, just like you asked.

From Metro?

Yeah. The Greek guy wants to know who the hell puts tomato on a BEC.

It's good for my prostate. You should eat tomato any chance you get.

Shit.

Hey! What are you kids looking at?!

A dead body, duh.

Did that guy get bit by a shark or something?

- Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth. - Alright, beat it.

Hey, you kids get out of here.

This better be our guy, getting me up at six a.m.

Nice, where's mine?

I got bacon and egg or grilled cheese.

- That's fuckin' unbelievable. - What?

It's from the Greek guy.

Not your fucking sandwich, you fuckin' retard.

Merman! Are you seein' this?

This guy is good.

- No, I mean, you know, he was good. - What's with the get-up anyway?

It's called cosplay.

People dressing up like comic book characters.

What, you never heard of it?

Some people take this very seriously.

Yeah, the only thing missing is the genuine fish smell.

Hey, you know what, let's have a little respect, fellas. This is Merman.

He's a super badass super fish.

He can swim faster than anything man-made or otherwise.

Fuckin' Merman is a fuckin' badass!

Yeah, well, somebody fucked him up.

Obviously this is not the real fuckin' Merman. What do we know?

His last credit card transaction was from a club called Lost Cos.

His mother said he hung out in these incel chat groups.

- Incest? - Incel.

Involuntary celibates.

Guys who can't get laid.

They're tickin' time bombs. The unfuckables.

Yeah, no kiddin', who's gonna fuck that?

Yeah, alright, I'll see you back at the station.

Cover him up. I don't want the seagulls gettin' at him.

So I said to the check-out girl,

"If it say's 88 cents a pound, then it should ring up 88 cents a pound".

Am I right?

So while I'm arguing about that, I look over and I see the checkout,

but the bagging boy putting everything into paper bags, which I hate

- because the bottoms always rip out. - Head back.

Have you ever been shopping in a rainstorm

Now just relax, Lorraine. Be a good girl and count to ten.

- One. - One.

- Two. - Two.

- Three, four, five - Three, four, five

Lorraine?

Lorraine?

Lorraine?

You think Lorraine is sweet on me?

Give me your money and I'll give you my body, Lorraine.

Steve!

Give me some pack and a number 4.

Sure you don't mean a five?

- What are you doing in a job like this? - I like it here.

Lucky me.

You know I love you and as long as you keep laughing at my bad jokes,

you always have a job here.

Sweet.

Suction. Oh, by the way, I have another package coming to your place tonight.

You gonna be there?

What's the deal with these packages, huh? Am I smuggling drugs?

No, just dirty money.

What's that say? Tell me.

Coco Loco to win Aqueduct 6th.

Shit, turn on the TV. Channel 582.

third, now he's going on second. Tatter Trots

Come on, Coco Loco. Suction.

Is there anything you don't bet on?

Pairs figure skating That shit's fixed.

Run! Get up on the outside!

Tatter Trots ahead. And Monki Shines makes a last minute ditch for the

Ah, fuck!

Tatter Trots.

Shit.

finish, Monki Shines.

- Are you okay? - All good.

More suction.

We interrupt this broadcast for a message from your local law enforcement agents.

The New Jersey Police is asking for any information

regarding the circumstances surrounding what is now known as the Merman case.

The body found on the beach

- Eni. - is identified as Jerrold Crimson.

The victim is known to frequently dress up as Merman

and the police are asking for any information

prior to his disappearance on March 27th.

Eni?

Dr. Kristin, I really need to see you.

It's happening again.

Trauma like this, it needs to be dealt with.

Otherwise it will continue to manifest itself.

The pain and rage that you're feeling will not go away by themselves.

Pills can help to ease the intensity of the episodes.

But the memories of the events can never be erased.

Together, we will work through these memories,

and eventually you will find some form of acceptance.

I don't want to go back.

I want to forget.

Here.

I want you to start with those.

Eni, you're going to feel the effects of this medicine.

Expect that.

Your symptoms might actually get worse before they get better.

This is no aspirin.

BTHEMAN You bite?

VAMPIRENIYA Who's asking?

BTHEMAN You suck?

BTHEMAN You don't know who I am

BTHEMAN Yet.

BTHEMAN I want to have you like

BTHEMAN MERMAN!

BTHEMAN Careful

BTHEMAN I'm coming for you

Hey

Yeah, just working out a bit.

Pick me up at ten.

Same spot, okay?

Home base, dip!

Watch my back!

Ben, I have your dinner.

Ben, are you ever going to come out from behind that computer?

No, no, no!

Fine, I'll just leave it here.

Aron, where you goin', man?

You're runnin' around in circles.

I am never gonna rank up because of you.

Why do I even put up with this shit?

You're a fucking noob, Aron.

No, no, no. Scramble!

Scram Fuck, man!

9

You just fragged me, Aron!

You're supposed to be watching my back, man. What the hell

Well, what's your kill count in the last three rounds? Exactly.

You suck.

Whatever.

Did you see that flyer I sent you?

Oh, the Vampire chick thing?

That's the chick Merman was after! That's her!

I got my eye on that Vampire slut.

Bitches They're all bloodsuckers. I'm going in, man. Tonight.

I am infiltrating, I got my disguise. They won't know what hit 'em.

In the name of our soldier Merman,

this excuse of a whore deserves the inevitable revenge.

The proper punishment needs to be inflicted

and therefore, once again I ask you.

You're not suggesting that I

Yes, you must once more turn into our virgin vengeance.

I summon the ancient Hand of Odin.

The self-gratifying.

Millions of cosmic energies of wanton, change my self-entitled form.

Let the power of your wrath, sin and self-hatred run through your veins!

I will rise from this limp mortal shell into

Aron the Alpha Male!

Fuck!

You almost killed me there. Okay, you're taking this vampire shit too far.

I'm just trying to stay clear from the creep at the corner store, that's all.

I mean, look at him.

Day and night, he is there waiting for me.

Doesn't get it. He thinks I must come out of that door sooner or later.

Stupid fuck.

Well, well, well. Look at you.

Oh, you look like a real kitty.

I love it.

I bought you something.

I'm sure you do not have this.

VAMPIRENIYA

It's the very first one ever published.

How did you get this? Oh my god.

That is a classic. I mean, it's a piece of art.

Look, she still has the sickle.

I love it so much.

Oh my god, thank you.

Btheman I'm watching you.

What's that?

Some asshole.

Shall we go?

Well, well, well. Welcome home, ladies.