Uncle Buck

- - Oh, no. My jam.

Man, this is more embarrassing than the time

I caught you watching "The Notebook."

He wrote her a letter every day.

I challenge you not to cry at that.

Why are you here? I thought you were supposed to be

in the city tonight with your friends, like, all day.

Like... until 11:30?

Man, I tried. They're boring.

Always the same conversation.

"Buck, where's my money?"

"Buck, give me my money."

"Buck, don't run. I know where you live."

- Say what? - Anyway...

I see you got a party coming down the pipeline.

Uh, it's not a party.

Just more like a boring work thing.

I'm trying to get in with this group from the office.

They get all the best projects. They're kind of the A-team.

And you want to be the Mr. T,

'cause you're the only black guy.

I got you, 'cause this party's gonna be off the chain!

Yeah, yeah, or it could be on the chain.

Or, better yet, no chains.

How you gonna be Mr. T without no chains?

You smart about some things, and you dumb about others.

You can't lose with old school, am I right?

Buck absolutely cannot be here tonight.

You did tell him it was a work thing, right?

I said the word "work" twice.

I really don't think he knows what it means.

That's the one four-letter word he won't use.

This is bad. Buck and my job just don't mix.

If I can get on this team, it'll really help me make my mark.

But if Buck's around, he's gonna burn my chances

with a blowtorch and a bottle of Crown Royal.

Both of which he has in his room.

Mom, I'll go to your banal sorority mixer this afternoon,

even though I am morally opposed to exclusionary organizations.

I'll tell you what she's not opposed to... a thesaurus.

Clearly.

And can you please tell Maizy to stay out of my makeup?

Don't hate.

Alexis, I thought you didn't like that sorority.

- Why are you doing this? - This alumni chapter is filled

with successful women that could help with my foundation.

I thought I'd pop over and then come back for the party.

I'm ready.

Uh, does no pants mean you don't want to go?

You only said dress shirt.

You did not say anything about pants.

I can't read minds, you know.

I think you can. What am I thinking now?

I'm gonna go get some pants on.

Tia, go help Maizy with her face.

Honey...

- Did you see the makeup? - I saw the makeup.

Check it! For the party,

I got Redd Foxx and Richard Pryor on vinyl.

That will slap the nasty right into that crowd!

- You hear me? - No slapping,

nasty or otherwise.

Oh, my gosh!

Buck, I totally forgot I have tickets for Ipix tonight.

Ipix? Is that the place where you can eat coconut shrimp

and watch the movie at the same time?

Exactly. What do you think

about taking the kids during the party?

White people serving me coconut shrimp while I watch a movie?

Hell yeah.

That's what Dr. King fought for.

- Huh. - Aw, there you go, Buck.

You are a genius.

Yes, I am.

I'm gonna go get those tickets.

I'll go get Buck Maizy's coloring book on Dr. King.

- So, what chapter are you from? - Oh, um, Epsilon.

We just moved to Chicago, and I just wanted to reconnect.

Oh, well, you know... Once a soror, always a soror.

Smoo!

- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Girl!

Okay, I'll be in the car.

Tia, don't be rude.

Theta Sigma Nu promotes

tolerance, charity, and sisterhood.

Is that Alexis Smith?

Oh, God, not that bitch.

Holly!

Hi!

- Wow. - Wow.

Mommy, why are you using the "sistah girl" voice?

Hush, boy.

I didn't know you were in Chicago.

Yeah. God, I haven't seen you since college.

I'm so glad your face finally cleared up.

So, these must be your adorable children.

Oh, yeah. This is Maizy and Miles and my oldest... Tia.

Well, these are my children... Jason and Jen.

Hi. Well, you know, kids, your mom and I went to college together.

She was our chapter president at Spelman.

And I'm the chapter president here, too.

Oh, well, look at you go!

Oh, let's look at me.

Oh, kids, your mom was so cute back then.

And sturdy.

I think we even had a little nickname for you.

There was no nickname.

Oh, there was. We called her "Mascot."

And you used to do the silly little dance.

- Do you remember? - No. There was no dance.

Oh, do the dance, Mascot. Do the dance! Do the dance!

- Do the dance! - Mascot, you have to do the dance.

I would do the dance if there was a dance, but there was no dance.

Wait till we get home.

So, what brings you out of the woodwork?

I run a nonprofit for at-risk teens,

and I just thought maybe the Thetas

would want to get involved and help a sistah out.

That sounds interesting.

Though we really prefer a sister to show

a little commitment before adding to the agenda.

Well, what can I do to show that I'm committed?

Family lip-sync battle?

Why? Just, why?

It's their big fundraiser. All we have to do

is show our faces, pretend to sing, and get on the agenda.

It's not like we have to win or anything.

Good, 'cause someone said

Holly's family has won three years in a row.

Holly said that a lot.

Let's just try to enjoy this, guys.

The flier says it's funky-fresh family fun.

What you just said makes me

want to funky-fresh walk into traffic.

- Honey, the party seems to be going well. - Mm.

Ooh, Peter's really packing down those crab cakes.

Uh, he's in for about a pound of the jumbo lump.

- - I've got him just where I want him.

- Watch me work. - Work it, baby.

Another seasonal microbrew, Peter?

Well, I shouldn't, but I absolutely will.

- Come on, now. -

So, be real with me. How do I get on the team?

Well, you are one of the three candidates being considered.

But, you know, if you really want to seal the deal...

- - ...all you have to do...

- Guess who's back?! - No. No!

Ah, ha ha!

What happened to the movies?

There was an incident.

Yeah, I had a, uh, coconut-shrimp-eating contest with Maizy...

And I threw up a little.

And I won... a lot.

Okay, kids, I think it's bedtime. Let's go.

Yeah, y'all go. Come on, come on. Go and get in bed.

So, B-Buck, uh, you want to help Alexis with the kids?

Oh, no. Y'all need my help here.

Give me a bottle of tequila so we can turn up!

- - Pete, this is my brother Buck.

- Buck, this is Peter. - You like to get liquored up?

Sure, yeah.

[Hip-hop music playing, crowd chanting "Buck!"]

If I get it in the cup, somebody got to take their top off!

- I'm lookin' at you, Sheryl. - Oh!

Hang on. You don't have to do that.

Uh, can somebody get Sheryl some coffee?

You okay, Peter? You look a little squirrelly.

To be honest, I chased all that baked Brie

with the Crown Royal your brother gave me.

- It's not ideal. - I'm sorry.

Buck can be a little over-enthusiastic.

No, he's awesome.

Hey, this is the most fun I've had since my divorce.

Yeah, I'm just gonna redirect you here, Peter.

You were mentioning some tips about getting on the team?

Uh, right. Yeah, just talk to Diane.

She's the decision-maker.

Diane. I've only seen her in the hallways.

- Is she approachable? - Well, she didn't come to your party.

Hey, tomorrow night, we're going to the Bulls game.

Yeah, uh, company's got a box. Diane will be there.

You can ride with Buck.

- Buck? - You've already invited Buck?

Hey, look!

Who wants to see me jump off the balcony in the pool?!

Oh, I would very much like to see that.

You crazy, Big Pete.

I got to clock back in, Big Pete.