Last Man Standing

It's starting to brown.

Did you ever think you'd create something so beautiful?

Well, I do have a son.

Yeah, but this had to be more fun to make.

We got to use a candy thermometer.

Ah, nothing I like better than coming home from work

and seeing my girls'... husbands.

- Hey, Mr. B. - What...?

We're just baking over here because the sink at my place is broken.

Kris says she's gonna fix it when she gets some time.

Yeah, 'cause I taught her how to fix stuff and how to get a job.

You know, I figure you'd want one of those things to do.

I'm home-schooling Boyd, remember?

Plus, we don't have traditional gender roles in our family, so...

Yeah, you do.

She works all day.

You're the nice lady that bakes.

No, that's a stereotype, Mr. B.

How long have you been baking here with Martha Stewart?

I don't know.

Time flies when I'm with my baking brother.

Oh, no. That's not a baking brother.

Martha Stewart has a baking brother.

She bakes with Snoop Dogg.

That's a baking brother.

They must have different fathers.

Why didn't you just help him fix the sink in his house?

I'm not great at plumbing, and thanks to Ryan,

I don't feel bad about that anymore.

Guys, guys, fixing stuff is a manly art, you know, you take great pride

in fixing stuff around your house.

Well, does it count if I proudly ask you to come over and take a look at it

Your wife can't fix it, so you ask her dad.

It would be less embarrassing to buy a new house,

but that would be impossible 'cause you would have to have a job.

Come in.

Hey, thanks for coming over.

Kris can't get to the sink for another week.

Sorry it took me so long, but it took me a while to figure out why I care.

And I never miss an opportunity to hang with Mr. B.

Plus, he told me to get in the damn truck.

Kyle wanted to learn something about plumbing, so I brought him along.

You want to help us get set up here?

Yeah, sure thing. All right.

Now that guy can carry a load, huh?

It's quite the box.

They should call you "Tool Man."

Yeah, so, uh, hope you don't mind other guys coming to your house

to fix stuff that you can't fix.

- Yeah, it's fine. - Yeah.

Must be nice to let some other guy be king of your castle.

I mean, why be alpha dog if you can just be a little, tiny poodle?

Look, I get what you're doing.

You want me to get my back up like some big ape and pound my chest,

warning the other ape to stay away.

Is it working?

No.

Because you're poking the wrong ape.

- This one is evolved. - All right.

Okay, well, I'll teach Kyle how to fix some of this stuff, too.

'Cause I got a feeling other stuff around here is gonna break, snap, or cry.

Everything's set up for you, Mr. B.

Got your tool box and a cold beer open and ready for you.

Well, it looks like you got everything under control.

You know, while Kyle's here, he eats first.

Not gonna work, Mike.

Okay.

Well, we'll get started, Alpha.

That's his new name. Alpha.

Hey, thanks for helping me with my dresser.

Uh, sure.

I didn't really do anything.

No, you really didn't.

Doesn't U.C. Boulder have a gym or something?

Oh, look at you two.

You're so cute together.

Yeah.

I love it when you see a couple

that's exactly the same level of attractiveness.

Not like, "wow, they're so beautiful!"

or like, "ohh, they're ugly,"

just like right there, safe in the middle.

Sorry about them, but if they had turned out any better,

my parents might not have had me.

Okay.

Okay, we can take a hint.

Mandy, that was a hint.

And they make me clean the castle while they go to the ball.

Hey.

I had a really great time tonight.

Me, too.

I love being with you, and, in fact... I love you.

Thanks.

No. I mean it. I really love you.

Oh.

Well, then, I... really thank you.

Okay, um, see you tomorrow.

Okay.

Can I help you with something?

No... thank you.

Hey, uh, hang on, Mr. B.

This is my work-work shirt.

I need to put on a work shirt.

You wan... You want to watch this lesson?

Nothing's sexier than guys working with tools.

Oh, yes, there is.

A man who does laundry and makes dinner.

Oh-oh, baby.

Hey, Mike. I'm here.

Well, are you getting handyman lessons, too?

Yeah. I was thinking about it.

And there are some things a man should be able to fix,

whether it be plumbing or pastries.

Well, whatever you have to tell yourself.

You know what?

Vanessa's cleaned your tart pan.

Thank you, Vanessa.

I mean, dried-on cherry crumble is a baker's nightmare.

All right, listen, we're gonna start in the garage, but beware,

it doesn't smell like patchouli out there.

Well, it's about to.

So, how'd you talk him into taking your little handyman class?

Well, Ryan is kind of like one of those little Russian dolls.

You know, you take off the top,

it's just a series of smaller and smaller hippies...

...till you finally get down to a very little man.

And all of you are doing this?

Is... Is Kyle okay with that?

I hope not.

I'm gonna pit them against each other.

That way, th... they'll learn faster,

and the best part is I'll be entertained.

Honey, look.

Competition is not the best way to learn.

Cooperation has been proven to be much more effective.

Right, right.

That's why they fight cage matches to an understanding.

Look, when you're cooperating, you're sharing ideas,

and nobody feels like they're losing.

You know, this kind of mumbo jumbo

is why the U.S. is rated, what... you know this... 17th in education.

We're looking up to, what, uh, Poland. Poland.

We're looking up to Poland. Hey, hey, hey.

Poland has done a lot of innovative things.

They might start writing jokes about us.

No, no, no.

Americans aren't funny.

When an American walks in to a bar, he just wants a drink.

Look, and c-competition's good for boys.

It worked for Jimmy and me.

Ryan and Kyle are not like you and your brother.

I don't think their main form of greeting is a nut chop.

Competition can push these guys to be their best,

just like it was with Jimmy and me.

Although my best is still a lot better than Jimmy's.

When are you gonna stop competing with your brother?

When one of us dies.

And I'm gonna die first, I'm gonna die better, and I'm gonna die faster.

All right. Ready to learn, Mr. B.

Good luck, Kyle. Come on.

And, uh... I'm sorry.

Oh, stop. All right. Here we go.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, I think.

Hey, what's Ryan doing here?

Aw, doggone it.

Did I forget to tell you that he wants to learn about plumbing, too?

Listen, I hope you don't mind sharing all of this.

Laying it on pretty thick, aren't you there, Mike?

I kind of have to. We're dealing with Kyle.

What's he laying on?

Hmm?

He's using us, Kyle.

The other day, he was using you to make me jealous,

and now, he's using me to make you jealous.

Mr. B. would never do anything like that.

That's exactly what I'm doing, Kyle.

You know what? He's not gonna go for it, Mike.

Hey, if Mr. B. thinks I'm gonna fall for it, I am not gonna let him down.

All right.

Who wants to learn a little bit about tools?

Oh, I do. A lot more than Ryan.

If I know what he's doing, how come it's still working?

Because America is 17th in education.

Hey, here's the 20 bucks I owe you.

If Mom says she's missing 20 bucks, she's lying.

Oh. Thanks, Eve.

I love you.

Uh, Evie, I think your sister just said "I love you."

Um, the very least you could do is say, "thank you."

Okay, listen.

I didn't know he was gonna drop the L-bomb.

He could've given me a warning, like, "Hey, I'm about to say something weird."

Well, you handled it better than Ryan.

First time I told him I loved him, he left the country.

It just caught me off guard.

I thought he was gonna say, "I love cheese"

or birds or Zydeco.

Well, why didn't you tell him you love him back?

Do you love him?