The Last Man on Earth

Previously on The Last Man On Earth.

- So you're still gonna go. - I'm jealous of you, Phil!

You have a real family. I've got a blob on a computer screen.

It's not people, but, damn, man.

I got to find that out for myself.

I'm coming with you.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Todd.

What's going on?

Uh, nothing in-in fact.

You know, j-just, uh, taking a little break.

You know, doing a little wall lean.

- What's that smell? - What smell?

The overwhelming one currently in the room.

Oh-oh, that-that smell.

Yeah, oh, you know...

Look, Erica, I'm not gonna lie to you.

I farted.

Yeah, this is one of those weird cases where, you know,

you smelt it but I'm the one who dealt it.

You know, it was... It's a real axiom buster.

- Yeah. - You might want to keep it moving.

You know, 'cause, uh, fart-wise,

I got a real packed house in here.

It's, uh, standing room only, you know?

Got a real, uh, Deuce Bigelow in the ole staging area.

I-I have a feeling it's gonna continue throughout the day,

you know, so you might want to spread the word

to the others to just stay away from this room.

You know, till I give the all clear.

- Well, good luck with that. - Don't need luck.

Just time and gravity.

Catch ya later.

Okay.

Ugh, God.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Hey, uh, got you another lemonade, bud.

You did that while you were singing?

Did what?

I'm offering you a refreshing lemonade.

In a root beer can.

With steam coming out of it.

Probably just a packaging mishap.

Mm-hmm. Well, I'm good for right now.

And, you know, I can always just pull over,

let you pee, if you want.

That's not necessary.

Uh, FYI, don't spoil your appetite,

'cause in an hour or so, might be able to rustle up

a couple Rolo's for you.

Did Mom and Dad do something to you when you were little?

I guess, yeah. Ah.

You thinking about it?

Yeah.

What?

I just want to remind you

what you yourself said to me. Okay?

That the chances of that blob being people

are almost nonexistent.

I just don't want you to get your hopes up.

Phil, I'm a scientist, okay?

I know that data doesn't always provide the desired results.

Okay. Good.

Oh, my God.

Oh. Look at that.

Friggin' buttload of avocado and orange trees.

- We should stop. - No, no, no.

Come on. Let's go.

Okay. We'll pick 'em up on the way back.

People are going to go ape dong over this.

- Okay, well... - Yes.

Oh, my God.

No way.

No way! Look at that!

Mike. Your little machine was on to something.

Goats!

- Goats. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Hey, little fellas. Hey, what's your names?

Oh, my God. Is this crazy?

Yeah, it's amazing.

Look, we gotta keep going, all right? We're only

five minutes away from the heat signature. Come on.

Wait. Aren't these your heat signatures?

N-No. No way. Now come on, let's go.

Mike. This is a huge frigging deal.

Okay, in four years,

we've found one cow, one bull, one fish,

and a few friggin' crickets.

Look, I get it, okay? All right, so we'll just,

we'll come back here once we get done doing

what we came here to do, all right?

What if they're gone? Huh? I just go tell the group,

"Oh, yeah, we had a chance to get you a bunch of, you know,

fresh milk and-and cheese and yogurt and meat,

but we decided to prioritize a frigging heat blob."

Phil, these guys aren't going anywhere.

Not leaving these goats, Mike.

Okay, uh, guys.

Look, I-I... I didn't want to tell you this,

but then I came to the realization that, well,

you know, it'd be unsafe not to.

This morning,

as I was working, I came across some, uh...

How do I put this? Some, uh...

murdered corpses hidden in our walls.

- What? - No.

- Are you messing with us? - I-I wish I was.

But that's not it. There-there's some other stuff back there,

you guys... should come take a look at.

I can't do it. Mm-mm.

Ever since I was a kid, I've had a fear of being scared.

I don't want to see a bunch of dead bodies.

- No. - No. Don't worry.

- I-I took care of that. - Well, did you get rid of them?

Well, uh... I did the next best thing.

Ta-da.

Oh, what the hell?

Well, you know, I thought this would make it less scary.

You know? The-the trick is,

don't think of 'em as dead bodies, you know?

Think of 'em as, uh, people.

The sequel.

L-Like Teddy here.

I found him with a noose around his neck,

hanging from a rafter.

Now he's playing horseshoes,

and the son of a gun just got a leaner.

These two I found crammed into a floorboard together.

And look at 'em now.

They're having a spirited arm wrestling session.

Still anybody's game, but my money's on Matthew.

And, finally, we have Jamie.

Found him as a disembodied head with his eyes gouged out.

Look at him now.

He's got his body back, and he's sliding

down a frickin' rainbow.

Todd, can you just cut the crap

and tell us why we're standing in the middle

of this Romanian horror film?

Okay. Just, uh, follow me.

Okay, let's just find a boy

and a girl and then we got ourselves a goat starter kit

and we can go, all right?

Okay, I got a girl right here.

But I can't find one with a penis.

Have you seen a penis?

No, I'm not seeing any penises over here.

Oh, is that... the one behind you...

Is that a penis strapped on that one?

Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah! Right there.

Oh, no, no, no, not a penis.

It's a little clump of goat poop.

You know, it's really weird to me.

I thought you'd be really good at finding penises,

since you have to search for yours every time

- you take a leak. - Ha-ha!

Very funny. I'll have you know

it's only slightly below below-average.

- Hmm. - My doctor even said

that, in some countries, my size wouldn't even be considered

a medical issue, so...

I guess that's why you sit down to pee, huh?

I do that out of comfort, Mike, not out of biological necessity.

Calm down. I'm just pushing your button.

Yeah, well, I got a button for you to push.

Yeah, I hear it's the size of a button.

- You want to see it? - Yeah, I do.

- You want to see it? - Let me see it.

- Do you want to see it? - Let's go. Come on.

Yes on the seeing it?

Yes.

Okay, maybe, uh, a little later.

You know, wh-when the... sun comes out a little more.

I don't know, it's pretty bright, man.

Okay. Yeah. No, no, no, right now's great.

- Yeah. - Right now works for me.

- Give me one second. - All right.

There you go.

Oh, there's a penis.

- Oh, right here? - Boom. Yeah, right?

Guy's... there it is.

- Just grab him. He heard us. - Okay. Right here, right here.

Okay. This is the penis one right here.

- I know, I know, I know. - Goat penis, goat penis.

- Grab it. - Come on.