Reservoir Dogs

Let me tell you what "Like A Virgin" is about.

It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick.

The entire song is a metaphor for big dicks.

No, it ain't.

It's about a girl who's very vulnerable.

She's been fucked over a few times and she meets a guy who's sensitive.

Whoa. Timeout. Tell that bullshit to the tourists.

Toby? Who the fuck is Toby?

"Like A Virgin" is not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella.

That's what "True Blue" is about. No argument about that.

- Which one is "True Blue"? - It was a big-ass hit for Madonna.

I don't even follow that top-of-the-pops shit, and I've heard of "True Blue."

I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked is, how's it go?

Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan.

Personally, I can do without her.

I used to like her early stuff, "Borderline"...

but once she got off with that "Papa, Don't Preach" phase, I tuned out.

Hey, you guys are making me lose my train of thought here.

I was sayin' something. What was it?

Oh, Toby's that little Chinese girl.

- What was her last name? - What's that?

It's an old address book I found in a coat I haven't worn in a coon's age.

- What was that name? - What the fuck was I talkin' about?

You said "True Blue" was about a guy--

a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy...

but "Like A Virgin" was a metaphor for big dicks.

Let me tell you what "Like A Virgin" is about.

It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine.

I'm talkin' morning, day, night, afternoon...

dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick!

- How many "dicks" is that? - A lot.

Then one day, she meets this John Holmes motherfucker.

It's like, "Whoa, baby." He's like Charles Bronson in "The Great Escape."

He's diggin' tunnels. Now she's gettin' serious dick action.

She's feelin' somethin' she ain't felt since forever: pain, pain.

Chew? Toby Chew?

It hurts. It hurts her.

It shouldn't hurt her. Her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now.

But when this cat fucks her, it hurts.

It hurts just like it did the first time.

You see, the pain is reminding a fuck machine...

what it was once like to be a virgin.

Hence, "Like A Virgin."

Wong.

-Give me that fuckin' thing. -What in hell do you think you're doin'?

I'm sick of hearin' it, Joe. I'll give it back to you when we leave.

What do you mean, when we leave? Give me it back now!

For the past 15 minutes now, you've been droning on about names.

"Toby. Toby?

Toby? Toby Wong.

Toby Wong? Toby Wong.

Toby Chung fuckin' Charlie Chan."

I've got Madonna's big dick comin' out of my left ear...

and Toby the Jap-- I don't know what-- comin' out of my right.

Give me that book.

Are you gonna put it away?

I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want with it.

Well, then I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep it.

Hey, Joe, want me to shoot this guy?

Shit.

You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.

You guys been listenin' to K-BILLY's "Super Sounds of the '70s" weekend?

Yeah. That's fuckin' great.

- You believe the songs they're playin'? - Know what I heard the other day?

"Heartbeat, It's a Lovebeat" by little Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco family.

I haven't heard that song since I was in the fifth fuckin' grade.

When I was comin' down here, "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" came on.

I ain't heard that song since it was big.

But when it was big, I must've heard it a million-trillion fuckin' times.

But this is the first time I ever realized...

that the girl singin' the song is the one who shot Andy.

You didn't know that Vickie Lawrence was the one who shot Andy?

- I thought the cheatin' wife shot Andy. - They say that at the end of the song.

I know, motherfucker. I just heard it. That's what I'm talkin' about.

I must've zoned out during that part before.

All right, I'll take care of the check.

All right, I'll take care of the check.

You guys can get the tip.

Should be about a buck apiece.

And you, when I come back I want my book.

Sorry. It's my book now.

Hey, I changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit, will ya?

All right, everybody cough up some green for the little lady.

Come on, throw in a buck.

I don't tip.

- You don't tip? - I don't believe in it.

You don't believe in tipping?

Do you know what these chicks make? They make shit.

If she don't make enough money, she can quit.

I don't even know a fuckin' Jew who'd have the balls to say that.

Let me get this straight. You don't ever tip, huh?

I don't tip because society says I have to.

If they really put forth the effort, I'll give 'em somethin' extra.

But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds.

As far as I'm concerned, they're just doin' their job.

- This girl was nice. - She was okay.

- She wasn't anything special. - What's special?

Take you in the back and suck your dick?

I'd go over 12% for that.

I ordered coffee, all right? She's only filled my cup three times.

I want it filled six times.

Six times? Well, what if she's too fuckin' busy?

The words "too fuckin' busy" shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary.

Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but the last fuckin' thing you need's...

another cup of coffee.

These ladies aren't starvin' to death. They make minimum wage.

I used to work minimum wage, and when I did...

I wasn't lucky enough to have a job that society deemed tip-worthy.

You don't care they're countin' on your tips to live?

You know what this is?

The world's smallest violin, playin' just for the waitresses.

You don't have any idea what you're talkin' about.

These people bust their ass. This is a hard job.

So's working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them.

They're servin' you food, but society says...

"Don't tip these guys over here, but tip these guys." That's bullshit.

Waitressing is the number-one occupation...

for female non-college graduates in this country.

It's the one job basically any woman can get and make a living on.

The reason is because of their tips.

Fuck all that.

I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips.

That's fucked up. That ain't my fault.

It would appear that waitresses are one of the many groups...

the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis.

Show me a paper that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it.

I'll vote for it. But what I won't do is play ball.

This non-college bullshit, I got two words for that: Learn to fuckin' type.

If you're expectin' me to help out with the rent, you're in for a big surprise.

He's convinced me. Give me my dollar back.

Hey. Leave the dollars there.

All right, ramblers, let's get ramblin'.

Wait a minute. Who didn't throw in?

- Mr. Pink. - Mr. Pink?

- Why not? - He don't tip.

He don't tip?

- You don't tip? - He don't believe in it.

Shut up. What do you mean, you don't believe in it?

Cough up a buck, you cheap bastard. I paid for your goddamn breakfast.

Since you bought breakfast, I'll put in. But normally I would never do this.

Never mind what you normally would do.

Just cough in your goddamn buck like everybody else. Thank you.

That was the Partridge Family's "Doesn't Somebody Want To Be Wanted?"...

followed by Edison Lighthouse's...

"Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes"...

as K-BILLY's "Super Sounds of the '70s" weekend...

just keeps on truckin'.

just keeps on truckin'.

I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die!

Just hold on, buddy boy!

I'm gonna die!

- I'm sorry! - Give me your hand.

I can't believe she killed me, man! Who'd have fuckin' thought that?

Hey, just cancel that shit right now!

You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad, but you ain't dying!

All this blood's scarin' the shit out of me, Larry!

I'm gonna die! I know it!

Excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine.

Are you a doctor?

Are you a doctor?

Answer me, please! Are you a doctor?

No, I'm not. I'm not.

So you admit you don't know what you're talkin' about.

If you're through givin' me your amateur opinion, lie back and listen.

I'm takin' you back to the rendezvous, Joe's gonna get you a doctor...

the doctor's gonna fix you up and...

you're gonna be okay.

Now say it! You're gonna be okay!

Say it!

You're gonna be okay!

Say the goddamn words! You're gonna be okay!

Oh, God!

Say the goddamn fuckin' words!

Say it!

Okay, Larry.

Correct! Correct!

I'm okay.

Look where we are.

Look where we are.

She had a baby, man. She had a baby!

We're in a warehouse.

Who's a tough guy? Who's a tough guy?

Come on, who's a tough guy?

Who's a tough guy? You're a tough guy.

You're a fuckin' tough guy.

We're in a warehouse. Look where we are.

We made it. We made it.

We fuckin' made it. We have fuckin' made it.

We're in a warehouse. Look where we are.

Look where we are.

Hold on. Hold on.

- Shit! - Stop bangin' your head.

You're gonna bang a fuckin' hole in the floor.

You don't wanna hurt the fuckin' floor, do you?

I can't do anything for you.

But when Joe gets here...

which should be any time now...

he's gonna help you out, he's gonna take care of you.

We're gonna sit and wait for Joe.