In Living Color

And now we bring you this special Elvis update.

Hello. I'm Bill Bixby coming to you live...

from the remote field in Alpina, Michigan...

where there's been another Elvis sighting.

With me is Tom Carter, who spotted Elvis first.

Tom, tell us exactly what you saw.

Well, Billy here found some Elvis droppings over behind Rosie's Diner.

When we got there, we spotted him in the Dumpster.

Well, I flushed him out, and boom, he took off like a rabbit.

And now we got him cornered over there behind that tree.

I see. And how can you be sure this is the real Elvis?

Well, I know the King, and that's him.

Good enough.

Look. There he is. Get a picture of that.

- Look at those markings. -

- The telltale muttonchops. It's all there, folks. - Let the dogs go, boys.

- - Go get him, boys.

Lfhe gets to the highway, we done lost him.

You're not gonna kill him, are you?

No, we'rejust gonna put some tranquilizers in him.

We already got two darts in him now.

Of course. The King has always had a high tolerance for tranquilizers.

- Hey. There he goes.! -

- Whoo.! -

Hold up. Hold on. He's getting up.

- Shoot him again.! - Are we getting this?

- - We got him now, boys.

He's down. He's down.

Oh, this is great. This is... The search is over, ladies and gentlemen.

Elvis lives, and we're gonna prove it.

My agent told me not to do this. Can you believe it?

This is really something. Oh, my gosh.

Let's see if we can get a word with the King. Elvis, I'm Bill Bixby.

- Why did you fake your own death? -

- Can he hear me? -

Look out.! He's coming to.!

Okay. He's more afraid of us than we are ofhim.

He's gone. He's gone. Oh, man.

Incredible, ladies and gentlemen. Three darts in him, and he's still going.

Oh, we had hoped to bag the King today, but, uh...

I guess once again he gets through our dragnet.

- - Oh, he's charging.!

Go! Go! Go!

- Jesus! Into the car! -

Oh, God! Go! In the car! In the car!

- - Oh, geez!

- Get in.! - Get in the car.

- May have bitten off more than we can chew. - Brace yourselves. He's rammin'.

Oh, damn it. I dropped the keys.

- - Take him out.!

- -

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - What?

Coming from Twentieth Century Fox...

The Fist That Rocks the Cradle.

A tale about a parent's worst nightmare.

As you know, we've already interviewed several potential nannies for our children.

And since you weren't referred to us by an agency...

we were wondering, could you tell us what your qualifications are to be a nanny?

Well...

I'm a five-time Women's World Bodybuilding champion...

and I can bench-press 240 pounds.

I've always wanted to have children of my own...

but a few years ago, during a crazy bodybuilding fad...

I had my uterus made into a tobacco pouch.

Care for a pinch?

They wanted the perfect nanny. She wanted the perfect family.

What's a girl to do?

You're my baby now.

My baby.

You won't be hungry anymore.

Let's see if I'm lactating.

Soup's on.

You call that suckling? Come on, baby.

Go for the burn.

I can't understand it, Doctor.

The baby just won't take my milk anymore.

Well, there's a simple explanation for this.

Sometimes it's normal for a newborn to...

reject its mother's milk during the early months of growth.

Okay. But then how the hell can you explain this?

She started as the nanny.

Now she's the head of the household.

See anything interesting?

Vera, I heard noises. What are you doing?

I was just making myself a B.L. T...

bacon, lettuce and testosterone.

But I can save it for the second course.

- Stay back. - Why don't you just admit it?

When you make love to your wife, it's my face that makes you shiver.

Vera, stay back.

How come you're so nervous?

Is there something about the way I move that you find distracting?

- No. - Maybe what you need...

is a potent aphrodisiac.

Not the passion pit.

Ah.

Now you're starting to loosen up.

Whoo!

What is going on here?

I am not gonna let you steal my family.

Oh, my God! Look!

She's landed on the picket fence.

The nightmare's finally over.

But little did they know, their nightmare had only begun.

Like I said, no pain, no gain.

242...

243.

That's it, baby. You're not gettin' any younger.

The Fist That Rocks the Cradle...

is the fist that rules the world.

Go for the burn. Yes. Just like that. Uh-huh.

- Hey, man. Are you sure about this men's movement thing, man? - Hey, man...

I don't know if I can talk about all my personal stuff with some dude.

There's some things that only guys understand. Why don't you just give this a try?

- Hey, Roy, man. - Hey.

- How you doing? - Love ya, man.

- All right. You must beJimmy. - Hey, what's up, man?

- Welcome to our Men's Wilderness Group. - All right.

All right, man. Hey, everybody. We've got a new member to our group.

- Everyone say hi toJimmy. - Hi, Jim.

All right. Who wants to start?

Uh, I will.

- My name is Roy. - Hi, Roy.

And, um, I got some feelings that I'm having a hard time expressing, man.

Well, go with it, man. Let the you come through.

- Well, you know, after me and my woman, we make love... - Yeah. Yeah.

She wants to hug and cuddle and all that, you know?

- What about my needs? - Yeah.

You know, after making love, I want a sandwich. Can I get a sandwich?

- What about me? - Yeah.

I'd make you a sandwich, man.

Hey, man. This ain't nothin' to be embarrassed about. Its about sharing, man, tonight.

Yeah, well, you're sharing a little bit too much.

Well, you know, uh, if I could talk, man.

Can I talk?

- My name is Willy. - Hi, Willy.

Yeah. You know, and I got feelings too, man.

You know, like, every weekend we play basketball in the park.

They play some pickup games and stuff.

And usually when they're picking teams and stuff...

usually... they don't ever pick me, man, and, uh...

We want you, Willy.

You know, and sometimes, you know, I just... I feel unwanted, man.

And sometimes I just want to stand up, man, and just say...

"Yo, man! I'm here, man! I'm open. I got him posted!

- He's posted!" - Go!

- You're open! - But they don't throw me the ball, man.

I just want to yell, man.

Whoo! Whoo!

- - Nice share, Willy.

That was a nice share. All right, Jim. You want to share something?

Ah, yeah, look here, man. You know what?

I think I'm gonna pass on this one, man.

Y'all are bugged, man. I ain't gonna be...

Hey, man. What's so bugged about it? Eh?

We're all human beings here.

And so we touch each other every once in a while. It's just skin.

- Okay, my name is Lou. - Hi, Lou.

Little while back I was sport fishing...

uh, had a 200-pound marlin on a 150-pound test line really giving me a fight.

Uh, I was just about to get him into the boat, too...

when I suddenly realized that I...

really never knew my father.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

that I hurt.

Somebody hold me.