Another Period

Previously on "Another Period"...

Two women destroyed this haven of sin,

and they are as of yet unidentified.

They are the new face of feminism.

May I present to you Kermit Constantine Bellacourt.

All right, sisters, clear the space.

I have this room reserved for my meeting today.

And we will not rest until every woman everywhere

has the right to vote.

No votes for women!

Hortense and Bertram...

they're dead.

You've been served.

They're divorce papers.

I suppose I'll just take the abbey.

All of the companies folded,

and they all transferred their funds to the abbey.

Sweet Dodo, may I have this one last dance?

How could this happen?

They're here.

The bankers are here.

Here, take this!

This serving platter is my best friend!

Garfield!

Chain me to this statue!

I can't live without this 17th-century

French suit of armor!

Tonight, we die, Garfield!

Grab the torches, get your guns.

Prepare to bite down on the cyanide capsule.

I'm back.

We're back, darling.

Although I suppose I've never been here before.

- Nice place. - What's all this about?

You remember all that money I siphoned out of your accounts?

I'm using it to buy back the house from the bank,

and you're to evacuate the premises immediately.

Mother!

I always knew you were a banker.

Hello, girls.

After the bankers take our things,

can we please go shopping for new things?

I really need to keep this platter.

Garfield, you have something on your lips.

What?

Was I not supposed to bite down on the cyanide pill?

My fellow mourners,

I did not know Hortense.

Hortense?

So I will leave it to you, those who loved her,

to eulogize her.

Let's all say a few words as we pass around

the only item that remains from her horrible accident.

[straining

Um, I'm sorry.

Hortense, was she the one with the horse face?

I did not care for her at all.

I'm pretty sure I never met Hortense.

Well,

what can I say about Hortense

that hasn't already been said.

Well, nothing's been said, so you could say anything.

That would be fantastic.

Mostly, I remember brown.

We used to make fun of Hortense,

and now that she's gone,

it's not the same making fun of someone who's dead...

because you can't see their reactions.

Who are all those ugly people?

All those people are here for Hortense?

Hortense was famous?

Oh!

No.

You look as though you could use a hand, Blanche.

Yes, please.

It's very difficult to shovel coal

while caring for a baby.

Well, then you shouldn't have had a baby.

When he's right, he's right.

Yoo-hoo!

Hi, I'm confused.

What on Earth was Hortense famous for?

Most queefs per carriage ride?

She was going to change the lives of women everywhere.

Who cares about that?

Only women.

And who cares about women?

Only ugly women.

Hortense was on the verge of crossing over.

Oh, she already crossed over.

That's what the funeral was for.

No! She was on the precipice of greatness.

She was going to speak at Congress.

She would have entered the annals of history.

I want to enter the annals!

I love entering the annals.

And it wasn't just Hortense.

New heroines are emerging every day.

Like that bride and nun.

I can't imagine how famous they would be

if only anyone knew who they were.

Uh, did you just say the bride and the nun?

- Yeah. - That's us!

We're the bride and the nun.

- We are? - Yes,

from the newspaper.

You're the bride and the nun?

Mm-hmm.

Now I gotta get rid of this tattoo.

Beatrice and I will make much better famous people

than Hortense.

Maybe she didn't die in vain.

She died in a car.

I found it!

1855 Chateau De Noir.

We were saving it to celebrate the end of the war,

but then we found out we couldn't keep our slaves

so we just shoved it all back into storage.

Oh, Black, that was a very competent eulogy.

You didn't tell me you could sing.

I always had dreams of becoming a musician,

but with the church,

those dreams fell by the wayside.

Oh, Freddy,

I don't think you've been properly introduced.

This is Black Donahue.

He's going to be living here now.

Oh, thank you, mother, thank you!

You always know just how to make me feel better.

What are you doing, son?

What I always do with priests.

No, he's not that kind of priest.

Well, I know I'm not as young as I used to be,

but I'm still a very pretty boy.

Hortense is gone.

May her BMs be smooth and everlasting,

but with her gone,

it is obvious that there is only one person

who can replace her.

Ladies! Ladies.

If I may call you that.

Today's your lucky day.

We've come to lead you.

Look,

we may not know how to be boring

or how not to care that everyone's laughing

- at us like you... - But we do know how

to get attention from men.

Oh, I know how to do that!

You just have to scream and scream

and nag and emasculate them.

But Abortion Deb, that's only taken us so far.

Cornetta has a point.

And getting the approval of men

is exactly what we need in Congress.

No! Besides, we gotta focus on getting signatures.

Ooh! Are those, like, autographs?

I'm great at those.

No!

This is not up for discussion.

You two will never be a part of the NAGS.

Is this because we're not ugly enough?

We tried really, really hard to make ourselves look like you.

You think we're ugly?

Yes, but that's what you're going for, right?

No, this is just how we look.

So you're not doing this on purpose?

Ugh, get it off!

- Get it off! - I don't want it!

Oh, I'm wearing brown!

I feel like I'm on fire!

Thank you.

I agree. I agree.

Now...

Peepers?

Oh, Black.

It's time for my 4:00 air bath.

Did you forget?

No, madam, Father Donahue asked us to suspend our duties

so we could listen to him play his music.

Ah, I see.

Well, playtime is over.

Peepers, run my air bath.

- Right away, madam. - No!

As the man of the house,

I demand that everybody listens to my concert.

Including you. Now, take a seat.

At the servants' table?

I'll do no such thing.

Yes, at the servants' table.

All right. Sorry about that, everyone.

"Pop Goes the Weasel."

With a twist.

- Yes? - Hyman?

Oh, Blanche, please.

I'm your husband.

You call me Dr. Goldberg.

Uh, I was wondering if Baby Murray could sleep

in one of your unused dresser drawers

- while I'm working? - I'm sorry, one of?