Alex, Inc.

All my life, my second cousin Eddie

has believed he knows what's best for me.

I'll have a passion fruit iced tea, please.

Wrong! He'll have a medium chai.

- Extra dirty. - Oh, no, thanks.

I'm not a chai guy or a dirty guy.

Trust me. That's the move here.

I'm gonna turn you into a dirty guy.

Oh, that's not what it sounds like. We're cousins.

I've had to tell this guy what he likes his whole life.

He was too scared...

Yep. It's always Eddie knows best.

And occasionally, he does.

But other times, I mean, take this Incubator,

for example, right? Eddie found it

and talked me into signing this ridiculously long lease.

It's not exactly perfect for what we do here because...

Because of that.

Why are there dogs in the Incubator?

Oh, they're with that new start-up "Ruff Timez".

It's an app that pairs depressed people

with dogs who need companions.

Oh, I assumed that was a newspaper for dogs

and all those guys were the editors.

The singing landlord doesn't help.

Good morning, Marion.

Well, good morning, Alex. What's the good word?

Well, you know, I'm trying to record my podcast.

Good luck.

- It's loud in here, huh? - Yeah.

I think we're gonna need...

- to do some offsite recording! - On it!

Al, get ready.

You are about to be famous.

What the hell is that?

Strategically placed bus-bench ads.

It's called "creating buzz".

It looks like he's doing a podcast about construction.

O-Or I'm a Village Person who's been shunned

by the other Village People.

Either way, gets people talking.

Yeah, it gets them talking about a guy

who's in love with his extension cord.

Who told you to do bus ads?

Nobody needed to tell me. I knew it intuitively.

This is a really bad idea on so many levels, okay?

We can't afford this, we don't even have an air-date,

it's a horrible picture of me,

and even if you could tell who it is,

nobody knows who I am.

Okay, now do the pros.

Ugh. People keep sending me pictures of these bus-bench ads.

Some of them don't even have penises

drawn on them, like this one.

Oh, no.

- There it is. - It's on my ear.

- Looks mad. - Mm.

Can you believe he did this?

I mean, I'm the boss... this is a big deal.

If I wanted my face plastered all over the place,

it should be my decision.

At least I would have chosen a more flattering picture.

All these penises are highlighting my weak chin.

Well, if you want things to be different,

you just got to talk to him.

Oh, I wish there was another option.

- I'm not great at confronting Eddie. - Hmm.

Well, I guess you could just not talk to him

and hope that someday the dynamic magically changes.

I like that one because it has no confrontation,

and there's a magic element.

Fine, I'll talk to him.

Hey, Dad! Look what I found in the basement!

Look at that!

My old guitar... the "Beige Dragon".

I'm gonna learn how to play it.

But I got to warn you, learning to play is pretty hard.

I spent many a year grinding on that ax,

only to be left with some tear-stained frets

and the first two chords of "Eye of the Tiger".

All I heard was "Ben, I'm old".

- I am, Ben. I am. - Hey, Dad.

Ms. Conway said our field trip chaperones

have to be there Wednesday morning at 8:00.

Oh, chaperoning.

I forgot about that field trip, babe.

But it's the Butterfly Pavilion.

You love the Butterfly Pavilion.

More than you could ever know...

with the beautiful blue morphos and the monarchs

and that hummingbird who's probably not even

supposed to be there. I wonder what his story is.

But I can't babe, I'm so busy with work.

Well, I guess they'll have to find another parent.

What, excuse me?

Is there anything you'd like to ask me?

Yeah. What can't Dad come to my field trip?

I'm a parent, too, you know.

Yeah, but you never do field trips.

You're always too busy working.

Not "never".

I took you to the aquarium.

That was a lobster tank at a seafood restaurant.

Oh, my God, I'm a monster!

No, but you did manage to eat the one lobster she named.

Poor Clawsy.

No. No, I'm serious.

This is a wake-up call for me.

I always thought we were a team

and I got credit for you doing stuff,

but I guess she saw right through that.

I don't want my daughter to think

I'm not involved in her life.

You know what, I'm gonna call Ms. Hopkins

and tell her I want to chaperone.

Great, but call Ms. Conway,

'cause Hopkins was last year.

Shut up.

Sweetie!

Guess what.

I'm going on your butterfly field trip.

- Really?! - Yes.

- Thanks, Mommy. - You got it, babe.

I recommend the audio tour...

it's narrated by Mickey Rourke.

He's a fellow Butterfly-Boy.

Well, I found a few places we could do a recording.

The best rate is $100 an hour,

but with that one you have to sign a rabies waiver...

apparently, they're having a raccoon issue.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why are we renting space?

We're already renting this space.

I could just build us a booth right here.

You know what, Ed, I appreciate the enthusiasm,

but I don't think that's the way to go.

For starters, there's no room for a booth here,

and we'd have to get, like, a million people

to sign off on it.

I'm just not sure it's worth the hassle.

I know you're not sure. You're never sure.

That's why you got me.

You weren't sure it was a good idea

to shave your head that summer,

so I did it while you were asleep.

And if I'm not mistaken, that was the same summer

you almost lost your virginity.

We're not building a booth.

We're going with Deirdre's thing.

Okay, but we should move quickly.

If I've already had rabies, can I get it again?

Oh, when we were kids, Eddie made me pet a possum.

He was so soft...

- till he bit me. - Aww.

Good times.

Oh, my God. That was amazing!

Yesterday, you hadn't even touched a guitar.

- How the hell did you learn to... - YouTube.

I watched a couple of instructional videos...

pretty simple. I can also make slime blindfolded

- and clean a musket. - Wow!

See, if I had had the Internet when I was learning,

it would have been a whole different story.

That doesn't feel true, does it, Dad?

No.

No, it doesn't.

So, Dad, I was thinking

you're gonna need a music guy to score your podcast,

I would like to throw my hat into the ring.

Oh, Ben, composing for a podcast

- is actually quite complicated. - Is it?

Don't you just need someone to underscore

the emotion of whatever's happening?

- Well, kind of, but... - Don't you mean "exactly"?

Well, I-it's just not really

an appropriate job for a 12-year-old.

I see what you're doing.

Hey, Al, so on these field trips,

do the buses have outlets so I can charge my laptop?

Oh, wife.

Oh, sweet, adorable, naive wife.

You're not gonna get any work done.

They're gonna be coming at you from all sides, okay?

Zoe S. Gets carsick,

so you're gonna have to remind her not to read.

Zoe F. Is allergic to everything

and yet is the most adventurous eater in the whole grade.

- Noah B. Needs his five minutes. - Five minutes?

He's a budding stand-up comedian.

Okay, listen.

I'm gonna be fine.

- I got this. - I want to be supportive.

I really do, but I'm not gonna lie...

I'm kind of scared for you.

This is not a job interview.

Get out of here. Skedaddle.

Such a show-off. He's a show-off.

You're here early.

Yeah, well, I got to show you something.

Got a big surprise for you.