Who Gets the Dog?

There's no easy way to say this, Wesley. I'm just gonna come out with it.

I think that's best.

Your mother and I have considered

all of the possibilities available to us,

um, vis-à-vis our relationship difficulties.

And... And in the current emotional climate, we feel...

Clay, can you just get on with it?

Right.

Mommy and Daddy are splitting up, pal.

Hey.

Hey. That's what I don't want.

I don't want you blaming yourself. It has nothing to do with you.

Wesley, I know that you are so tired of hearing us argue,

and that is why this is the right thing for us to do.

Yeah. We both love you very much.

I mean, you're still the biggest star in Daddy's sky.

Yeah.

I'm not sure we got through to him.

He's a guy.

We have our own way of processing emotion.

I've seen some sad sack waste of space in my life,

but that scrimmage I just witnessed

was the worst thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

You need to pull your heads out of your rectums

and start playing hockey like you mean it.

You are the Wolf Pack,

not the help-a-granny-across- the-street pack of boys on a hockey...

That didn't make sense, but do "hard work" on three. Ready?

- "Hard work" on three. One, two, three! - Hard work!

Wor... All right, game face. Ready?

That was terrifying, and not in a good way.

- Work on it for tomorrow. - All right, guys, good practice.

So it's really over, huh? Like a hundred percent done?

Ice has been thin for a while, man. It finally broke.

Do you mind if I pursue Olive then? Like, romantically?

Could you pursue her if both your legs were broken?

Off-limits? Glad we established that boundary.

How are you feeling on this, man? Breakup? Let's talk about it.

Uh, it's a sign from the ice hockey gods.

You know what it is? It's a wake-up call I need, man, to start this year.

- That's a good way to look at it. - Uh-huh.

I was worried that losing someone like Olive would absolutely shatter you.

Like, I thought you were gonna be a mess, you know?

I'm glad your cup is half full on this one, you know?

Yeah.

Where you at on the grief scale?

Stage two. Anger. I want to kill him.

Oh, rash, but exciting.

He just blindsided me. I mean, I guess it was creeping along for a while.

Are my expectations off? Is it me?

- Oh, don't be ridiculous. - We had a plan.

It was such a good plan.

Wesley and I will be fine without him.

- Help me intubate this guy in four. - Okay.

Nightmare on Elm Street. Mine.

Get Smart. You need that.

The Departed. That's appropriate.

Lethal Weapon. Yes, I am.

- It's a Wonderful Life. - Uh, mine.

- It stays here. - No argument.

E.T. Mine.

Oh, Flashdance.

What about these?

Good times.

I look good as a blond.

I'll make you copies.

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Well, this is it for now.

Well, I guess I might come back later in case I forgot something.

You're still wearing your ring.

Um, I'm sorry this didn't work out. Us.

Yeah, me too.

Wes!

- Come on! - Excuse me?

Let's hit the road, buddy.

You think you're taking Wesley?

Wait. You think Wesley's staying here?

Well, this is where he lives.

- I don't know where else he would go. - Into the woods with his dad.

That's where you're gonna live?

In that serial killer shack by the lake?

Don't you listen to her, Wes.

It's a very spacious, prefabricated mobile domicile.

So, what happens when you have practice

or a game or, you know...

- I will take him with. - Uh-huh.

- Coach lets me get away with anything. - Huh.

Perks of being a veteran.

You haven't put a second of thought into this, have you?

A few, actually.

You're never home,

and I'm not letting my little butter bones become a latch-key dog.

I will figure something out.

- Hmm. Unacceptable. - Yeah.

That is not happening.

I'm perfectly capable of looking after Wesley James Lonnergan on my own.

- Come on, big fella. - No. You're not taking him.

Get your little...

Let's let Wesley decide.

- I'm ready. - You're going down, woman.

I've got an enema in an hour. Not mine.

- So could we just do this already? - I'm ready.

Let me get a picture with his two leashes

for his various social media pages.

All right, on the count of three,

I want you to release your leashes,

and whoever he goes to gets to keep him.

All right, it's okay. One, two...

If you go to your dad, I'll give you so much bacon.

- Hurry! - Three!

Hey, sweetie! Come on. Mommy loves you!

We'll give her a chance.

- Come here, baby. - Wesley.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

You've been a good boy!

Wesley, don't listen to him!

Who's the best little dog? You're the best little...

Who's the best little doggy? You're the best little doggy.

Oh.

No, Wesley, come back.

Are we gonna do this all day?

Come on.

Wanna tussle with Daddy? Wanna tussle with Daddy?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Help! Wesley, help!

I like that. I like that.

Wesley, save me! Save me!

I'm dying, Wesley. Help!

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

- Oh, no. Oh, no. - Wesley!

Wesley, no! Come on! Come back!

- Yep. See ya. - Wesley, come on!

- Well, this is a perfectly good waste of a Saturday. - Great.

- Yup... - Wesley!

Wesley!

Okay, guys. Easy. Easy.

Good.

- Sit! - Wesley, please!

- Wesley! - Sorry.

- Who's the owner? - CLAY, OLIVE: I am!

That's me.

How did you...

Never unleash an untrained animal.

- Oh. - We-We-We would never usually do that.

- No. - But anyway, thank you.

What were you doing, Wesley? What were you doing?

By the way, can you teach me that whistle thing?

There's no trick to it.

What's your name, miss?

Oh. Olive Greene.

- Glenn Hannon. - Nice to meet you.

I run a rehabilitation and training center.

Clay Lonnergan, from the Wolves, you know?

Huh.

If you, uh...

If you ever want to improve Wesley's off-leash obedience...

Yeah?

- Come on down. - Great. Thank you.

Yeah.

- All right, guys. - Is it...

Two hands.

What are you doing?

Well, you won't let me leave with Wes,

and I'm not leaving without him.

You can't stay here, Clay.

Okay.

Oh! I didn't spill a drop.

I'm serious.

Life's too important to be taken seriously.

You know that he is better off with me. I know that you know that.

I know that you know that he knows it's my place or no place.

Look, buddy, I... I'm trying,

but she's just not respecting your wishes.

Get out! Out!

Do I have time for a nap?

Maybe a quick massage?

All right, you, out! Come on!

- Get... Get up! - Is this a massage?

- Get... - What are we doing right now?

Oh, Mommy.

Come on!

Oh, that feels good.

This isn't funny, Clay!

Oh-ho-ho!

All right, you want nasty Olive?

Sure.

I'll go get her.

Don't forget the handcuffs, honey.

You're gonna come with Daddy for a little bit.

Yes. Police.

I would like to report an intruder.

- His name is... - Let's go.

Clay!

Clay!

Clay!

Wait, wait, wait.

- Clay? - Good boy!

You can't do this.

You're not serious!

- You're crossing a line here, Clay. - I can't hear you.