Big Mouth

...

... Gena did the funniest thing last night.

I asked her what she was doing this summer...

...and she sent me an ISIS recruitment video.

Ha-ha. That's funny. - Right?

Man, they're gonna be the end of civilization.

Nick! Over here! Alley-oop! - ...

...

I should've filmed that. Gena loves basketball fails.

Hey, um, isn't she kind of with DeVon now?

Oh, yeah. I heard they cheesed each other in the library until it was hot fondue.

I don't think that's true. - But they are dating.

That's fine. We're friends for now.

Nick is right. Even if a guy likes me,

we can still be friends. - Totally.

I'm friends with a lot of guys that like me.

Oh, yeah.

Did you notice that some of the butt is on the outside of the bathing suit?

I did. You have a keen eye for detail.

How the light glints off of her mound. - Okay. God.

Nick, you're such a sucker. Gena is using you for your friendship.

She's putting you in the friend zone. - The friend zone is not a real thing, Jay.

You mean like the J-spot?

I think you mean the G-spot, and maybe that's real?

I don't know. - No, I mean the J-spot.

All I know is, I actually like getting to know Gena.

What? - For real.

I'm so proud of you, Nicholas!

And the G-spot is very real. Ask your mother.

She's hit mine several times. - ...

Gross. - Who wants a quinoa burger?

Well, if lunch is almost ready,

I am going to pop over to the little boy's room.

I'm sorry I said that. - Just pee in the pool, dude.

No, Jay. That's gross.

I've literally been peeing through this entire conversation.

Jay! - I think I'm sick. It just won't stop.

Jesus. - I have been drinking a lot of pool water.

They never keep the good drugs in the pool house.

Hark! I am the beast, and Leah's bathing suit, 'tis the sun.

Half of her ass was in there.

You should take a whiff.

No! I'm not gonna do that. Nick's whole family is out there.

Come on. Did you see the wedgie she had?

That chip was dragged through the salsa. - Oh!

Wow, it sure was though, wasn't it?

Come on, it's just us. Nobody's gonna know.

Eat up, fat boy. - Yeah, I could have a snack.

Here we go. Take a whiff. -

Well? What say you?

It mostly just smells like chlorine,

but I know that her wet naked body was against it.

Good boy. Make it personal.

Leah thinks it's responsible that you wear a UV shirt.

Yes, she does, 'cause taking care of your skin...

...means you take care of yourself.

And Leah notices that. - And her skin is so beautiful.

Yeah, the mom's skin is not bad either.

No, not the mom. Leah! - ...

I want Leah! Hi! - ...

... ...

... ...

... Oh, my God.

I'm sorry! - Oh, my God!

Shut the door already!

Okay. Oh, my God!

Holy fucking shit! What do I do? - Finish.

Absolutely not. This is a nightmare. - A nightmare is not finishing.

It's unhealthy. - We've gotta get out of here.

I don't see a sign anywhere that says, 'Don't jerk off to our daughter.'

It's implied!

Well, they gotta make this stuff clear, friend.

Oh, my God.

Dr. Birch, can I eat my quinoa burger in the pool? I'm still peeing.

Jay, honey, I'm honestly a little concerned.

It's nothing to worry about. I pee once a week for half an hour.

You have no upper body strength. - ...

Oh, my dick! - ...

... I fucking love this kid.

Okay, calm down, Andrew.

Maybe she thought I was just peeing against the wall.

Or scratching my penis with a very sturdy grip.

It's going to be fine. - No, it's not.

What? - She saw everything.

Who said that? - She's going to tell everyone.

Oh, God.

Nice tits, fat boy. -

Can you pass the parmigiano please?

Parmigiano? Really, Shannon?

Mom, just say Parmesan. - You're not Carmela Soprano.

What? -

Hey, girls. How's it... going?

How's it going? Let me see. This bitch had an affair,

and then put you in the basement. - ...

It's going bad! - ...

... - It's going fine.

Cool.

Well, I'm gonna go back down to my Blues Traveler special...

...on the TV guide channel. - Let's go with saddy Daddy!

I'll come watch with you. - Right on.

So here's what you need to know about John Popper.

He wears a fishing vest, but he doesn't fish.

...

Hey! - He invented the harmonica vest.

Oh.

Okay, this is a tough one. - Okay.

Candy corn or peach?

Candy corn. - Really?

Yeah, they look like rotten Dracula teeth.

Okay. - Okay. Florida...

Okay. - ...or a steaming pile of shit.

Who took the shit? - Someone from Florida.

Oh no! It's gonna be full of those big onion rings and bath salts.

Yummy.

Yummy. -

Oh! This game is so fun. I have to play it with DeVon.

Yeah. Well, it's just a game. - Shit, we've been talking for two hours.

And I left my grandmother in that freezing cold bath.

What? - I'm joking. Come on!

I don't know what your culture does. - ...

... - ...

Racism! - It's not racism.

No, I just wrap her up in tortillas and put her to bed.

Okay, good. - I do have to go though,

and we didn't do any of our workbook.

Do you want to come over tomorrow and finish it?

To your place? - Yeah.

Uh, sure, that sounds great. - Cool.

Great. - Yeah.

Cool.

Honestly, I do have to get my grandmother...

...out of the bath. - I can't tell if you're joking...

...or you're actually abusing your grandma.

I could be. You'll find out tomorrow. Deuces!

I'm calling Elderly Protective Services. - Bye!

Bye! -

I love you.

I just feel like she keeps giving me mixed signals.

I know! Is that grandma in the bathtub or not?

I just wanna know if I have a chance.

Well, then I'll show you...

...with the help of my lovely assistant! -

Oh, Nick! I can't believe this is your hormone monster.

'Chance-o-meter?' - It's the best way to tell...

Okay, well, we were on the phone for two hours. So...

BOYFRIEND...

... - All right. Make your move then!

But then she mentioned her boyfriend.

FRIEND...

...

Can't win. Go again.

But then she invited me over to her place to study.

BOYFRIEND

Hey! Either she's into you or your house is haunted!

We ain't afraid of no ghost. - Okay, Rick.

The movie Ghost. -

Oh my God, what if Leah tells her parents?

What if she tells Nick? He's going to think I'm so gross.

Huh...

Yes, Leah! - ...

... Oh, my God! - ...

... - Oh, my God!

...

... What the hell was that guy?

He's here. - Who's here? Someone's here?

I'm so sorry. I thought you were immune.

You had survived so many humiliations...

...without him showing up. - Who?

Andrew, whatever you do, don't--...

...

Maury? Maury!

Who's Maury? Maury Povich?

What kind of a bozo thinks about daytime TV at night?

PSAT THIS PSATURDAY

Hey, what happened yesterday? You just vanished.

He knows. Leah told him.

Nothing! I agreed to reupholster my cousin's chair.

Fuck. For his wife's birthday... - What?

...present. - Are you okay?

I'm fine. It's this bitch wife of my cousin's...

...who wants me to go buy her now a dehumidifier.

Jeez, she likes a dry room, I guess.

I'm outta here. - Huh.

So what are we doing now?

I really don't want to go home.

I don't know about you, but my mom is definitely picking me up today.

I left her a note.

'Pick up Jay.

Jay is your son.

This one's Jay.'

Oh!

Good thing this is a driving wine.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

Oh, okay. - Fuck you.

Nick, what about you? - What am I doing...

Oh, right. Yeah, I've got a study date with Gena.

Oh, right. So you can study her big boobs?

Okay, she's a three-dimensional person, Jesse.

She certainly is. - Ha, ha, ha!

Look, we're friends. - Mm-hmm.