Clone High

on a very special season of Clone High.

Joan tried to kill her friends in the Death Maze

and that was social suicide. To be clear,

no one actually got hurt...

...except The Board of Shadowy Figures,

who were all assassinated.

On a lighter note, Abe and JFK are friends now.

Lots of clones found love and it didn't take 20 years

for the new season to come out this time.

We're getting the hang of this thing, people.

Are we countin' our chickens? Yep.

Now, watch 'em hatch.

Okay, welcome back

to a brand new year at Clone High!

-How was everyone's summer? -You kept me in a box.

That's all the time we have for sharing.

Now, things got a little crazy

at the end of last term, what with the Death Maze,

the elaborate musical numbers, etcetera, etcetera.

So, we gotta cool it. Just do some actual schoolwork.

How does that sound?

It sounds like you blew your budget on the Death Maze

and don't have the funds to treat us

like experimental rats anymore. Am I right, guys?

He's not the one who was trying to kill us.

Normally, you hate the game and not the player

but this is opposite.

Okay, bring your desks back together in front of Joan,

blocking her from my view.

Yep, yep, yep, that's right.

Now, does anyone know

where we keep the science textbooks?

Anyone? Not one person, including me.

- Pathetic. - What the...

Hmm?

You know, in the spirit of learning,

I would love to show everyone the independent study project

I did on magnets this summer.

- Boo! - No, thanks.

Can't we just sit here?

I'd like to learn about magnets.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Toussaint Louverture.

Yes, my latest creation!

The new sensation that's sweeping the nation,

who also happens to be Haitian.

Listen, I'll be doing the teaching here, okay?

And let's start it off

with an edutaining freestyle on peptides.

Ah, wikki, wikki, wah, wikki, wah, wah--

The labels on these say, "Don't shoot indoors."

You wanna know who writes these labels?

Know-it-alls like him.

I'm sorry. What the hell is this?

I'm the new Science teacher, Professor Hirsute.

And I tend to go a little outside the box.

Did you say your name was Hair-suit?

It's pronounced "Her-suit," and if you don't know

what it means, I suggest you look it up!

It kinda does mean hair suit.

Yes! See? You were right all along.

Trust your instincts. That's a point for this guy.

Babe, I got a point!

Believe me, this schtick's gonna get old fast,

the flowing hair, the tweed jacket,

-his patent leather satchel-- -Don't touch my satchel!

-What the hell? -Hey.

He tried to touch his satchel.

Sorry, we're late. We were rasslin'

- in the bathroom. - Oh, you know,

givin' each other zerberts and other manly junk.

I'm not mad.

-What? -You're not?

Not even close. In fact, I'm giving you both

two points each for doing what made sense to you.

I'm losing now, babe. I gotta get more points!

So, let me get this straight. We got rewarded for being late?

You got rewarded for thinking for yourselves.

See, I don't care about things like,

"Showing up on time" as long as you come in here

with an open mind...

...and a beautiful mind and a dangerous mind

and you stand and you deliver.

That actually makes me want to be on time!

He seems too cool for school, yet here he is!

Question for my two superstars here.

Should we be done with class for the day?

-Yes! -Yes!

Go on, get outta here.

And now, a funky jam about peptides!

Look at that moron...

...clutching his timeless satchel!

Mr. B! Call the Board of Shadowy Figures!

I must get to the bottom of this!

What do you want, Cinnamon?

Candide? What are you doing there?

I've become sole member of the Board of Shadowy Figures

ever since the others were murdered.

Well, I took two weeks off after the murders

and then I started. That's why I'm tan.

My God, you're the first woman to ever fail upward.

Congratulations!

We have a problem with the new science teacher.

I hate him and his stupid face.

I hired him for a reason, Scudworth.

No one is to touch him

or the finely crafted satchel from Firenze

he carries so stylishly at his side.

He's to have carte blanche at the school.

That's an order.

He thinks he's so cool.

-It's like, quit trying so hard. -Pathetic.

I know, right? I can try way harder than that.

- How's it look? - Infected.

But, like, dope, right?

I'm gonna lie down.

Hello?

What is this place? What is going on?

We're the Bleacher Creatures.

Roll call!

I don't need a roll call song, thank you.

I just want to know what you're doing down here?

We're the outcasts! The misfits!

I'm Jackée The Ripper. Nice to meet you, Mary.

I'm actually-- I'm-- I'm Joan.

Everyone thinks that Jack the Ripper was a man

but it was me,

a lady with a lust for blood and nail art!

Men aren't the only serial killers.

- Right, Lizzie Borden? - Affirmative.

I haven't fallen that far.

Oh, come on, Joan. You're a clone alone.

You're clearly craving companionship.

-You have no friends! -Thanks?

Being a Bleacher is a hoot. We're about to select our logo!

We've got the anarchy A's. Classic, but is it played out?

Satanist vibe. Maybe a little preachy.

Dripping with blood. Dripping with irony.

And all of our butts.

We're gonna tag the winning design all over school,

so let's get it right, Marys.

Joan, if you join our little group of pariahs,

- you get a vote. - Can I think about it?

Of course. We just need you to sign

our non-disclosure agreement.

We're very litigious.

Learning doesn't happen by reading books.

It happens by experiencing the world!

Oh, I've never had a favorite teacher before.

He sees something in me and that makes me feel special.

-I just want more points! -Outdated teaching methods.

That's the problem with these urban schools

that you poor, underprivileged teens

-have to attend. -We live in the suburbs.

Our school is very well funded.

You just don't like him because you're a rule follower

and he's a rule breaker.

Yeah, you're by the book and he likes to burn the books.

Books are sort of famously a bad thing to burn!

Five points for anyone who helps me burn these books!

I found some worthless old kindling.

That's my science project!

-I got some gasoline! -I got some matches!

-Confucius, no! -Babe, I need the points!

What?

-Oh, fire is spreading. -I'll get some water.

No, come on. Books tell you to fight fire with water!

And books can go to hell!

The fire just doubled in size!

Therefore, it'll burn out doubly fast.

Which is why we fight fire with fire!

That's our time. See you tomorrow!

Am I the only one who thinks this guy is dangerous at all?

You're not alone.

Toussaint Louverture. I never thanked you

for having my back in class yesterday.

Like my clone father,

I would give my life for a righteous cause.

Therefore, it is I who has to thank you

for giving me purpose, Harriet Tubman.

Oh, my.

Oh, my, as well.

Why is the forest on fire?

This isn't the western United States.

Or is it?

Welcome to my cool office! It's so casual and hip.

Did you see my earring?

It's a bit infected

but it's still bitching, am I right?

You've been bitching about it all day.

Professor Hirsute is a terrible teacher

and not just because he wears blazers with jeans!

Someone's going to get hurt!

Hirsute might be opening minds

but he's filling them with garbage!

I knew it! Come to my secret hiding place.

I believe we're being watched.

The secret is in that

casually luxurious satchel of his.

You must get it from him!