Joe vs Carole

- Hey, all you cool cats and kittens.

You've reached Carole Baskin at Big Cat Rescue.

Leave me a message, won't you?

Well, how 'bout that?

It's Carole Baskin's voice mail.

How you doin' tonight, Carole Baskin's voice mail?

Me, I'm not doin' too good, not that you give a shit.

Anybody tell you how stupid your goddamn voice sounds?

Makes me wanna fuckin' puke.

You think you can just cut the head off my business

and I'm gonna be okay with it?

Well, I'm not okay with it.

I'm a fiery fuckin' phoenix, Carole Baskin,

and when I burn up, I'm just gonna rise

from my own goddamn ashes, you fuckin' bitch.

And I'm gonna fucking--

Shit!

I am stronger than anyone or anything you ever met

in your goddamn life,

and if you know what's good for you,

you'll be shakin' in your Uggs, you no-good,

two-bit, motherfucking backwards-twatted cunt.

* *

This is Joe Exotic, by the way.

* *

- Uh, two masses removed without issue,

but...

the liver's too far gone.

As the cancer progresses, her pain levels will increase.

Might be time to think about what's best

for Chairman Meow,

instead of what hurts us less.

I get it.

Guess we didn't get there in time, huh?

Um, can I just, um--

can I have a moment alone with her to say goodbye?

Hi, sweet pie.

* *

* *

* *

Good girl.

I'm sorry, sweet pie.

* *

Here comes another one.

Come on, you sexy bitch.

Oh! All right, I got it.

- Yeah. - There you go, buddy.

Got that shit all over it.

- That's the same shit you were covered in

when you came out, bud.

- Female. - Phew! Doc, check 'em out!

Excuse me, ladies.

- Well, that's a good-sized litter, Joe.

Thank you.

- Cats I usually breed haven't turned out

this many in a while.

- Well, the air around Oklahoma's

sweeter than Myrtle Beach,

and it makes my tigers real horny.

Yeah.

Oh, now, look, she is a beauty.

We don't have anything with markings like that

at Safari Park.

- That one's precious. - Mm.

- This one? - Yeah, that one.

Well, she's yours, then.

Huh? Anything for my girls.

Okay, so we'll-- we'll take those two.

Now, uh, what'd we say, $2,500 a head?

- Now, wait a minute. You got a big operation.

You're gonna need all kinds of new blood comin' in.

How about that guy? He's a killer for sure.

Yeah, no, I'm good, Joe.

Can we talk, Doc?

I'm in a tough spot right now, Doc.

With no road shows right now, I got next to no income.

I can barely afford to feed the cats I got,

let alone a few new ones.

- Yeah, well, that Carole Baskin's

got a target on all of us, Joe.

Yeah.

- And I'm sorry about your situation,

but I can't afford any more.

We're friends from way back.

Help me out, please!

Well, I'll tell you,

you know what Vern Owens used to do

when he was in this spot?

He'd make room.

Yeah, well, I don't.

I love my cats. I-I could never hurt 'em.

Yeah, of course not.

I wasn't suggesting it. It's horrible.

Yeah.

- Well, I'm sure you'll think of something.

Ladies!

- Mmm, ain't nothin' like a mom-cooked meal.

- Tried to cook it medium rare, but I overdid it.

Mm.

Steak's great, Mom, thanks.

Hey, you know I hate to ask.

We've been having some money problems.

- I gave you $5,000 last month. What happened to that?

Spent it on meat.

And I guess I can put 'em on a diet,

but you ever heard a hungry cat roar?

It's like to break your heart.

They'll be all like...

- Well, I don't wanna see the poor things suffer,

- but, Joe-- - If I can't feed 'em, Mom,

I might have to put the whole zoo up for sale.

How much do you need?

- Oh, maybe 15 grand, 20 if you got it.

Thanks, Mom.

And these vegetables, how do you get them so tender?

It's incredible.

I'm home, Grandma.

The hell are you doing here?

- Well, look who it is, resting witch face.

- Grandma, you're not writing him another check.

Mind your own damn business.

This is my business.

I'm the one who takes care of Grandma.

You just come by to mooch off her.

- That's a humanitarian right there.

You wanna stop her from supporting animals in need?

Ten grand?

You really burn me up, you know that?

- Not my fault you don't know how to budget.

- I wouldn't even need the money if it weren't

for that bitch down in Florida.

Who?

I told you, Carole Baskin.

She's messing with my livelihood.

- Yeah? Go take it up with her, then.

She won't call me back.

What am I supposed to do, drive to Florida

and show up on her doorstep?

* *

- Hey, Crystal said she had some forms

she wanted you to sign.

Forget that.

Need you to gas up the truck.

I'm goin' on a road trip.

You got it.

- Hey, maybe you wanna come with?

We can make it a boys' weekend.

Where we headed?

Tampa, Florida.

What's in Florida?

The queen bitch herself...

Carole fuckin' Baskin.

* *

- That brings us to our 20-minute window

for public comment.

Yes, thank you.

Carole Baskin, CEO and founder, Big Cat Rescue.

- Please keep it limited to three minutes, Mrs. Baskin.

Of course.

I agree, it's upsetting.

This beautiful creature passed away this morning,

after years of being held captive by a motley crew

of private traders and wildlife "enthusiasts."

But if I sat at home grieving, I wouldn't be upholding

my responsibility to the animals I've sworn to protect.

So I am here-- not for the first time--

to ask this committee to revoke

the Class 1 wildlife permit held by Grigore Zaharia.

Speak of the devil.

- Every month, I come down here to defend myself

because nebuna asta is after me again.

- Nebuna asta, you say that every time.

What is that?

- I have never seen that tiger before in my life.

- It's--yes, okay, this individual tiger

was not in his possession, but it's representative

of what happens to the tigers under his care.

I've received several anonymous complaints

from former employees, all citing the same concerns:

untreated wounds,

starvation diets--

- All my animals, down to the last

pink flamingo, are happy and healthy.

- Then open your gates and let us inside.

If you have nothing to hide, why ban public access?

- I swam across the Danube to escape the Iron Curtain.

I won't be interrogated by Comrade Baskin,

not when the Constitution guarantees me

a right to property.

- The curtain fell a long time ago, my friend,

and these are living things, not property.

The committee needs to demand access

to his animals and see for yourself--

Do you have any evidence

to support your claim, Mrs. Baskin?

I don't know if you can tell,

Mr. Zaharia is a very intimidating man.