American Housewife

Okay! We're all set for prom.

I just booked us a limo

and paid extra to have them stretch it.

- I can't wait. - But you know the deal.

You have to complete your life skills list first.

I've been checking stuff off the list all week.

In fact, there's only one item left.

Number 70... "Teach Dad to shoot a three-pointer."

Why is this on the list?

Because it's hilarious.

Because I want Taylor to learn

to communicate effectively

while also spending some time with you.

- Smart. - Mm-hmm.

Mr. A, you'll be shooting threes in no time

because Taylor is an awesome teacher.

If it wasn't for her,

I'd still be rocking Velcro shoes.

The trick was to say "loops" instead of "bunny ears."

Trip didn't like imagining tying bunny ears together.

Because then he couldn't breathe.

- Crom is gonna be the best. - The best.

You guys can't go to prom. You're sophomores.

That's right. You losers are going to prom

while Cooper and I are attending the hottest party of the year.

- Crom! - Crom!

What the hell is Crom?

It's the prom alternative Cooper's throwing on his yacht

that's gonna be way better than any school dance.

Crom has everything...

Mock-tails, designer life vests,

and DJ Khaled.

At prom, Principal Ablin is spinning from 6:00 to 8:00.

Then his deejay alter ego MouseFace

is taking over from 8:00 to 10:00.

Do you want to help me pick out the hors d'oeuvres for Crom tonight?

I've got five local caterers battling it out.

The winner not only gets the gig,

they become sous-chef for my Goldendoodles.

I can't. I have to go.

I have a shift at Teen Help Line.

But I'm a teen. I need help.

Do I serve seared foie gras with mission fig,

or do I go with the classic French Coquilles Saint-Jacques?

I hear you.

It's important to know that you're not alone.

Teens all across the country

are going through exactly the same...

You know what? It doesn't work with this.

Hi.

Bye.

- Anna-Kat, don't run off. -

Come here and tell me about your day.

Ugh. Seriously?

So, she's officially a tween.

I hate the yelling, but I do enjoy the part

where they think they've discovered The Beatles.

She's still a baby.

What?

How was the day with your friends?

- Good. - What did you guys do?

Stuff.

Can you give me more than one word, please?

Yes. Byeeeee.

I'm getting iced out.

They say parenting is a long process of letting go.

It's really a long process

of getting yelled at and pushed away.

I don't know why I let you talk me into having kids.

This is on you.

Principal Ablin just e-mailed.

Apparently, there have been instances of hurt feelings

in Anna-Kat's class,

and he wants the parents

to talk to the kids about bullying.

- I think that's a very good idea. - You would.

Principal Ablin is overreacting.

When I was a kid, everyone got teased a little,

and it helped build character.

- You were teased, too? - Of course not.

I did the teasing, and I built a lot of character.

If someone teased you, you would say,

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will never hurt me."

But words do hurt, Katie.

Not more than sticks!

If we make a big deal about "instances of hurt feelings,"

then Anna-Kat will never become

the strong person that we want her to be.

Interesting coming from a woman who bullied her gym teacher

until he quit his job.

It wasn't my fault.

He was a grown man named Carroll.

Blame his parents.

Okay, guys, I have a couple of prom calls on hold.

We are going to have a high volume of them today

because it is the weekend of Westport prom.

And Crom!

All dances can bring out feelings of rejection,

so this is a tough time for the kids.

And me.

Deborah, with all due respect,

you don't have to start every shift

with a personal, traumatic story.

You're right.

I wore a back brace in high school,

so nobody asked me to prom.

My dad was my date.

All normal so far, but at the dance,

he ditched me for the Prom Queen.

But it all worked out

because she is now my stepmother.

Let's have a great shift!

- - Hello, this is Teen Help Line.

What's on your mind today?

Hi, I'm calling

because I'm feeling kinda down.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

What's making you feel this way?

Prom, I guess.

No one asked me out because of my looks.

That's awful.

But remember, looks aren't everything.

It's personality that counts.

You're just saying that because it's in the script.

Okay, it's in the script. But it's true.

But you don't even know if I have a good personality or not.

Well, tell me about yourself.

Who's your favorite musician?

That's a tough question.

You're gonna have to give me a sec.

Well, you're taking your time to think about it,

- which makes you a thoughtful person. - Thanks.

Just as long as you don't say Ed Sheeran or something,

you're officially awesome.

Okay, I've thought about it.

My favorite musician is Ed Sheeran.

Oh, look at that! You're laughing.

What do you guys do when you make someone feel better?

You get to, like, ring a bell or something?

Tickets spew out of a slot in the desk,

and I redeem them at the prize counter.

If I get you to say, "That really helped,"

I'll have enough to get a bamboo back scratcher.

Good to know.

Why aren't you saying I really helped you?

Because then we'd be done talking,

and I'm not ready for that.

Ah, love that smile. When do you turn 18?

Don't answer that.

Are you sure that's right? That seems kind of far.

Don't think about the distance.

Just bend at the knees and follow through.

Okay.

Here goes nothing.

Okay, well, maybe think about the distance a little bit.

Dad, I see what you did wrong, but good news...

it's totally fixable.

In order to make the shot, you need to aim at the basket.

I was.

Well, crap.

Oops.

Uh-oh.

Ohh! So close!

Get there!

Oh! That's on me.

Mr. A, I really want to go to prom with Taylor.

Shooting a three-pointer is not that hard, okay?

Just do what I do. Just grab the ball and toss it in.

You don't even have to look at the hoop.

Just grab and toss it.

See?

I'm sorry, kids.

I-I have played basketball before,

but for some reason, I can't make this shot.

Taylor, you've completed your list except for this,

and that's close enough.

You have my permission to go to the prom.

Whoo! We're going to prom!

- No. - What?

I thought I was finally getting the hang of conversations.

I made a promise to check every item off that list...

every item.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

The whole point of this list

was to teach me to see things through

and not to be such a screw-up.

And I'm not gonna stop now.

But, babe, your dad is, like, so, so, so, so,

so bad at basketball.

All sports, really.

I don't know.

I guess it's just a bunch of really old people

who live in apartments in New York,

and there's a monkey.

Yeah, I don't get "Friends" either.

Hmm.

Guys at school are idiots.

Anybody would be lucky to go to prom with you.

Well, how about you?