Parenthood

I have a kid.

His name is Jabbar.

- Did you take the test? - The test?

- The paternity test. - I want to get a paternity test.

- I'm Mark Cyr, 11th-grade english. - My daughter's teacher.

- I'm trying to impress you. - It worked.

- You must be Julia. - This is Racquel.

You are so amazing.

All right.

Honey.

Honey, I have to wash Max's bandana.

It's filthy.

If he's gonna be a pirate, at least he's gonna be a clean pirate.

It's like ring around the neck. My god, his behavior aide gonna be here

at 10:00, and we both need to be on the same page with all this stuff.

I have a thousand questions that I want to ask her, you know whatelse?

I forgot to tell you that Haddie has a biology test, you know,

she has not even studied for it. Not once.

Really getting me mad. She doesn't even care about it.

We just had morning sex.

Like, free, bonus,

unadulterated, like, pre-kid morning sex.

It was nice.

- It was... - Nice?

- It was amazingly nice. - Amazingly nice?

Chop-chop. Let's go.

Just meet me downstairs.

Nice?

Why does school start so early? 8:30,

so dumb.

- And Monday. Why not start Tuesday? - Shouldn't we be the ones complaining?

- Why start on Monday? Not on Tuesday? - Can you pull over up here?

- What do you mean? - Just stop.

School's over ther.

Are you kidding me? I'm so embarrassing that I can't drop you off

- in from of school? - Kind of.

- Morning. - Hi.

Don't mondays suck?

I was just saying that. I literally just said that.

That's so weird.

I'll see you in class.

- Bye. - Bye, Mr. Cyr.

We lost our key witness in our Downey-Smith trial.

- What are you doing here? - Don't know...

I got the results of the paternity test.

I didn't really want to open it by myself.

So maybe you could help out.

That's really sweet,

and it's also kind of pathetic. Here.

There's no pictures of me at all in this whole office.

You're embarrass to have me in the family?

By the way, I got you and Jabbar into Joel's Wednesday playgroup.

- Wait, you got us in? - There's a three-month wait list.

- For a playgroup? - How long is this gonna take? Open it.

I mean, can't we work up to it?

Can you... Open it.

What are you in such a hurry for?

Are you afraid of being a father or not?

Both.

- You're a wimp. - You're a tyrant.

You're welcome. Open it.

He's mine.

I'm a father.

So...

So...

What do I do now?

What's the...

I'm supposed to got to...

buy a microwave,

and move to the suburbs?

- We got to tell Mom and Dad. - Yes, you do.

- No, we'll go together, you and I. - Grow up.

Growing-up means asking for help, which I'm doing.

That's king for very mature of you, but also grow up and do it yourself.

I don't think you've read one of those books. I think that's all for show.

You want to frame this for your office? 'cause this might be the document

that made me grow up. It'd look great here.

I know you don't want any pictures of me, so maybe just this.

You'll be fine!

Hi, I'm Gaby.

Hi.

I'm Max's behavioral aide.

- Come in. - Thanks.

So how do you usually start with a kid like Max?

Well, you guys tell me.

What would be most helpful to get started with?

Thank you.

Honey? What do you think?

God...

I don't even know where to begin. There's so many things...

If the were a behavior of Max's

you could wave a wand and change, what would it be?

How much'd a wand like that cost?

Gosh, in the mornings,

it takes him a really long time to get ready,

like a really long time.

His diet...

He's got a very limited diet. He'll only eat certain things,

- cooked in certain ways. - He'll only eat eggs if they're cooked.

In the orange frying pan.

That sort of behavior normal for a kid with Asperger's?

The orange frying pan is new.

It's weird, even for a kid with Asperger's.

Great.

And he has tantrums,

temper tantrums, sometimes severe.

- I wouldn't call them severe. - Biting,

- the fish tank. - All right.

- There was an incident. - Okay.

Okay, tell me... How's he doing socially?

Does he have a lot of friends? Does he have playdates?

Max doesn't really have any friends.

Okay. Why don't we start there?

That's good.

United Team

Blackart

Lafeelicita

Lestat

Lili B

MiniBen314

Salomon

valpi

1x06 - The big "O"

A horned lizard can squirt blood from its eyes.

The armadillo lizard can curl itself up into a tight ball,

to protect itself from attack.

The sungazer lizard has spikes that cover its whole body.

And lots of lizards can change colors.

That's very cool, Max.

So we've been doing what you want for 20 minutes.

- It's time to try one of my games. - No way.

Hey, Max, be polite.

Max, you get to choose whichever one you want.

He doesn't like board games at all. We've tried.

When you make a deal, he has to hold up his end of the bargain.

All right, Max, check this out.

- Cool. - This is the deal, okay?

Every minute you play one of these games, you get a sticker.

I have a whole bunch of them in my bag here, all right?

So you get up to 20 stickers, cash them in,

you get the book. What do you say?

How about I get the book first,

then we play the game?

I know how you feel, you know what?

I used to always want my dessert before my dinner,

and it always turned out I had to have my veggies first, so...

- Forget it, then. - Max! Honey, you know what?

Why don't we go get a cookie?

No cookies. You got to stick with the plan.

- Okay. - You gotta be firm. Okay?

I'm sorry.

Max, no cookie today. The reward is the book.

I want it.

- So we're gonna have to play a game. - No. I want the book.

When he has that tone,

all bets are off. He's gonna lose it.

- That's okay. - He's gonna lose it.

Listen, Max, nothing here is gonna change,

unless you put Guacamole back in the cage.

You make the choice.

Sorry, Guacamole.

Let's pick a game.

Hey, Amber, what's up?

I was just wondering...

I know I didn't seem very excited about it in class,

but I was just wondering if you were still trying to get people

to join that weird literary magazine thingy, the spectrum ?

Yeah. Are you interested?

Sure, I guess, 'cause I have to have, like,

extracurricular activities anyway, so I might as well, like, right?

With a passionate plea like that,

how can I say no? Yeah, that's great.

That's fantastic. So I guess the next step is we are formatting,

tomorrow after school in the computer lab.

- So just go there. - Cool.

Formatting in computer labs.

And here I thought it would be nerdy and lame.

Not at all.

And then we're gonna be footnoting and endnoting,

and it's gonna be so cool.

- Great. - Bunch of cool people.

You have chalk on your...

It's an occupational hazard. I put it there on purpose.

See you around. Thanks, Amber.

This is new.

Has it been washed before?

I don't think so.

- I should wash it separately. - You can wash it with the other tees.

It's red, you know. It'll bleed if it hasn't been washed before.

- If you don't mind, Then I guess... - I don't mind.

Better. Okay.

Jeez, didn't you do, like, eight loads here last week?

- Get in a fight with a leaf blower? - He just wants

to visit us, and this is a good excuse.

Hey, I'm glad you're both here. There's...

Something I've been meaning to tell you. Somebody's come into my life recently.

- Boy, here we go again. - What happened to Katie?

She was a nice girl, Katie.

Nothing happened to Katie.

You know, this is kind of serious.