Jenna Loves Pain

Shift five has ended.

Shift five has ended.

All non-essential personnel,

please exit Cargo Bay 3 in preparation for standard decontamination.

It's called the Command Training Program. It trains you for command.

Right, right. You know who I was just speaking about this with?

-Me, right now. - Your step-sister.

She is always so smart about these things.

Oh, honey, look at your desktop.

You’re just so clearly over-caffeinated.

-It's fine. - Sweetie,

you called for my advice. You know how you can get.

-No. How can I get? - Sylvia.

Remember when you were a little girl at school,

and all the kids were climbing that wall,

and you just couldn’t make it, so you ran away?

It was so painful.

And I don’t want the Command Program to be like that for you.

Anyway, I love you, and we’ll talk soon.

-Quadruple espresso with milk alternative. - Ill-advised.

- That amount of caffeine is not-- -ls my best friend, so shush.

Have a glorious day.

I will remember to expect nothing.

Even from this espresso.

Espresso, I release you.

Hello?

What the hell?

Pickles. Donuts. Eclairs. Spaghetti.

- Gelato. Lasagna. Vanilla ice cream. - Donuts.

- Cheeseburger. Caesar salad. - French fries.

Pot pie. Lycopene. Chicken noodle soup.

- Chicken pot pie. Chicken noodle soup. - Soup. Chicken.

Cheesecake. Snacks. Snacks. Snacks…

Who the hell are you?

No, it's okay. It's a tricorder. It's not gonna hurt you.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Xahean blood-based circulatory fluid.

You're Xahean?

Xahea just achieved warp capacity. I read about it.

Identify.

Post-larval intermediate quiescent-stage development.

Female. Approximately 17 years.

You're a kid?

You're a teen kid.

At least you're not a contagious teen

that sends some sort of—- Initiate a quarantine protocol.

Ice cream.

It's primarily sugar.

Sugar is awesome.

"And how did you subdue the alien presence, Ensign Tilly?"

Can I please just--?

Universal translator.

Tilly. I'm Tilly.

What's your name?

My name is Keep Your Human Digits Off Me, please.

It's a family name.

My name is also I Can Build A Translator Like That In My Sleep.

-In fact, I did when I was 9. -Yeah?

Did you calculate the precise protein concentration

in small-particIe-dispersion emulsifiers

to make a matter synthesizer dispense nothing

but spumoni ice cream when you were 9?

No, you didn't. Because you didn't know what ice cream was until 30 seconds ago.

Me Hani lka Hali Ka Po.

Okay. Can you actually go to the beginning,

-and just very slowly--? -Po.

Po.

Okay, Po.

Listen, you're injured, and you are very far away from home.

You've boarded a Federation starship unauthorized.

That is a very big deal.

-And quite an accomplishment, maybe? -Whatever's going on with you,

you need to let me in a little. Otherwise, we're both gonna end up in the brig.

The next shift is coming in a couple minutes and...

-I'm supposed to report you. -No.

-I had to run. -You're somebody's kid.

Your parents are probably losing their minds.

My parents are dead. My brother is dead.

There was a hormonal space rabbit.

He escaped from the lab and then he got loose in here.

He's got mood swings.

Searching Starfleet database

for recent incidents involving planet Xahea.

Did you know that Xaheans are the only species

that were born at the same time as our planet?

That's not possible. The temperatures would--

You have no idea what's possible.

Xaheans were born with our planet.

-That means that you and your planet are-- -Twins.

Born at the same time, grew up at the same time.

There's always been a natural balance, a give and take.

I've been mining the caves since I was little.

What do you mine on Xahea?

Dilithium.

Dilithium?

Search complete.

Po, there's, like, a galactic APB out on you.