Chozen

Whoo, look at that. We are square.

Man, you playin' with me right now? This is a paltry amount.

Aw, I'm gonna get some candy.

Yeah, well, we had expenses, and the venue could've

been better, but you guys lit their tits up.

Yeah yeah, let me see you put your hands up!

Buck! Buck! Come on, now.

Let's get crushed.

Buck... nihao, asians!

# We gettin' drunk #

Bruce Lee. Ching-chong.

Says-a Bruce Lee.

Oh yeah, a few more shows, a killer demo, and we'll be

on the road to the Grammies.

Who you know gives a shit about the Grammies except

white people and Kanye West?

I'ma go make some piss.

Whoo!

- Hey, um, I'm Michael... - Shh!

- We shouldn't use names. - Right. Of course.

Well, hello, bitches. Y'all ain't doing it right.

- Hey, wait! - Come back!

You will never forget me.

1x02 - Love & Bottlerockets

Man, I'm tired here how M.C.

spittin' all these weak-ass sob stories.

Talkin' bout how they heartbroken and shit.

Don't y'all have any pride, yo?

# you want love? Shit is evil #

I'm pressing all these buttons and shit.

But still sounds like ass.

Um, maybe if you just tweak this a little right here, Ricky... ow!

Get your pinche fingers outta here.

I'm the producer. I touch the mixer.

Who's the strongest man in the world? I am.

Ten. Ah yeah.

Ricky, Troy-boy, chill.

Mean, you all be on some childish shit right now.

Like ho's fighting over the same dick, man.

Hah, we used to have cock-fights on the cell block.

Man, I can see it now.

Just a big ol' hog just swinging.

And Ricky, you know, he's going up top.

You know, getting that shaft.

You know, where he think he gonna win.

But Troy gets all gully with it, locking down that big-ass apple bag.

And then they just go to town.

I mean, just two little nerds nibblin' on the d-zick.

- Nibble-twins! - Y'all got blowed up!

Does he think I'm an idiot?

Yeah, no, I texted him like 15 times this morning

and there's been no response. No, it's just like, man up.

Okay. Well, let me know if you hear anything.

Later, bitch.

- Hey, Tracy. - Hey, Ricky, eat a dick.

Well, I didn't expect you home. I thought you would be at Kai's place.

Forgot a book, 'cause apparently you need books for class.

Oh, and also, I think Kai is cheating on me!

Oh, hell no... awesome.

Karen said she saw him at the caf with some freshman vag.

Ain't no one gonna treat my sister like an NBA wife.

- Oh, uh, let me help you with that. - No, I'm good. Seriously.

Hey, don't be a dick, don. Women can carry things, too.

- I've... I've got these. - Whatev's.

Ha-ha, you just got owned, son.

- Troy got skills. - 'Syeah,

I'm playing it smooth, dog, on the down-low.

Man, I knew that dude was trouble. Kai. Pfft.

Its like a karate sound, be like... kee-yi!

Well, Troy ain't got nothing on me, homey.

I'm the entrepreneur with the dope-ass crib.

- You live with your folks. - Nah, I live behind them.

It's detached. It's different.

Learn about real estate before you start talking shit, macho man.

Hey, assholes, this could jack up our whole deal.

Girl is at dude's pad 24-7.

They break up, and we gotta say goodbye to kickin' it here all day,

doin' cool drugs together and dropping tracks.

With Tracy gonna go ballistic.

- Kai gots to make shit right! - I think we should stay out of it.

Dude, you are here more than anyone.

Without this, you would be stuck with your girl

going on hikes and chillin' at the farmer's market.

You probably wearing yoga pants and shit.

All short, like you could see the vein on your dick and shit.

If we could chill at your place, we wouldn't have this problem.

Nah, bro, I got baby brothers and sisters.

With tiny little brains and shit. They're all innocent, dawg.

And I need to protect, like, their hearts and shit.

We gotta bounce. The cycle has begun.

Tracy gonna come back with a gang of food

and stuff it all in her dumb face.

And then she'll blast Nine Inch Nails

and go in her room and start doing sex things to herself.

Because that is the only way that she can feel in control.

Uh, like, what kind of sex things?

That's the thing, man.

If you gonna fool around on your girl,

- you gotta keep your game tight. - I heard that. Pfft.

You've never even cheated, dawg.

I'm lucky enough to be in a good relationship.

But you know, once a girl stops slippin',

- Crisco gets to dippin'. - What about fat Tina? Woof.

- Don't bring Tina into this. - Man, that fat bitch hooked up with

dirty-ass Devin behind the gym in eighth grade.

And you just acted like nothing ever happened.

Well, I heard that she fingered him and ate a hot pocket at the same time.

- Huh, that's a bad bitch, bro. - Come on, now, I didn't see that.

Did you? We all know Devin's a dirtbag.

Hey, homeboy over there keeps peeping you, dawg.

Like peeping real hard.

Hey, you could get hurt creeping on a man.

It's good to see you, brah.

Wait, you don't remember? I'm Hunter. From Saturday night?

The roman feast?

I already done learned all I need to learn.

But that don't stop me.

I'm still the big man on campus.

- Welcome to college. - # Don't mind if I do #

- Can I have another tab? - Hell yeah.

Mm.

I feel hot. I'm just gonna take this off.

- Do you mind? - Hell no.

The other night was crazy, man.

But, you know, it was kinda nice.

Oh, if you catchin' feelings, you can pump the brakes, son.

I mean, you's just a trick, and that's it.

You know, emotions and caring and shit like that, it's just...

It's just, I ain't with that, okay?

But if I want you, I will find you. Until then, stay out my lane.

- Hey, who was that? - Ain't nobody.

Just some dude I partied with.

You know, popped some pills. Drank some drinks.

Yeah-yeah-yeah, raver style. Whoo-whoo.

Yeah, and then I railed him out.

Oh, this gonna be that hot mess.

Or maybe you could make another site for, like, fat diver girls.

Yeah, I appreciate the tip, homeboy. But that's a bit too specific.

See, with these, I get both the swimsuit crowd

and the epic-fail market.

With some accidental hits from the scheisse porn weirdos.

There's a sweet spot there.

Now diving Kai Fulton.

For real, though, we gotta handle this fool.

Ooh, we could hit him with one of those Christmas tree shanks.

Just... ba-bow! Ba-bow! You know?

Just see how good he swims with his chest leakin'.

Aw, hell yeah! Wait. It's Christmas right now?

No, stupid. It's a knife shaved like a tree.

Goes in smooth, comes out messy.

You just use the pen for the stabby part,

and then you just fold the paper until it gets all sharp and shit.

You don't think cutting a fool violates your probation?

How about we just talk to the kid?

- Boring. - You mean, just, like, using words?

Yeah, man, we can't just go around and messin' fools up.

I will go along with your crazy-ass scheme,

but if it don't work, then we don't do it my way.

Oh, look-look-look-look! It's a lollipop.

Ooh, yeah.

Good afternoon to you.

Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Chozen, this my crew.

We need to see Kai, please.

- Good for you. - Yeah, dawg, it is good.

If you could just do me a favor and let him know...

No dice, bro-seph. If k-money

wanted you here, I'd know about it.

You're not being very helpful right now, dawg.

I've got an idea. Why don't you nerds get the hell off my porch?

You're scaring away the trim.

Oh, hell no.

I'm comin' in, bitch. Like it or not.