Bob Hearts Abishola

Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...

That is a sexy pharmacist.

I'd like to take him twice a day

on an empty stomach.

Kemi.

Please, eh? Don't.

Don't what? Be happy for you?

I am just here to pick up a prescription.

You can lie to yourself, but don't lie to me.

_

Okay. On the one side we have the Bob.

On the other side we have Chukwuemeka.

- We don't need to do this. - We shouldn't need to do this,

but this way you will know for sure.

- I know for sure. - You are wrong.

Let's start simple.

Nigerian. That's easy.

Check mark for Chukwuemeka.

One to nothing. Hmm.

- This is a stupid game. - Mm-hmm.

Handsomeness. Another check mark for Chukwuemeka.

Ooh. Perfectly shaped head.

Double check.

Bob is handsome.

Compared to what?

Okay, well, what about "I like him"?

What about "he's not boring"?

And what about "he makes me laugh"?

Write those checks down.

I will give you the laugh one.

The other ones, not important.

Funny. Check.

Bob is still losing very badly.

Eh, he's a winner to me.

So that is it.

- You have made your choice. - I have.

- You are sure. - Yes.

- It is Bob. - Yes.

- Not Chukwuemeka. - Yes!

Okay.

Huh. Where are you going? This is not your stop.

I have an errand to run.

- What errand? - Abishola,

I stay out of your business, you stay out of mine.

Next?

E karo, Chukwuemeka.

Yeah, I can see how that could be an issue.

Who's he talking to?

Family lawyer.

Same guy we use for my little problem?

No, that was a criminal lawyer.

Makes you feel superior to me, doesn't it?

Well, between the two of us, I'm still welcome in Canada.

All right, I'll talk to her.

Thanks again.

What's going on?

Mom never made a will.

That's no good.

No, it is not.

If she died, what would happen?

Speaking for myself, I'd be heartbroken.

Goes without saying.

What else would happen?

Well, for starters, we might have to sell the company

to pay the taxes on the company.

That's not fair.

You should call the IRS

and tell them that.

There's no need to talk to me like I'm a child.

Then stop talking like one.

: "Stop talking like one."

What's the big deal?

So we tell Mom to make a will.

Are you volunteering?

- Sure. Why not? - Great.

Go tell our mother, who's recovering from a stroke,

that she has to make plans for when she's dead.

Well, for one thing, I wouldn't say "dead."

And what would you say?

I don't know, something more poetic,

like, "shuffling off the mortal coil."

Did you just come up with that?

- Shakespeare. - Oh, yeah.

He's good.

Well, go ahead, then. Go tell Mom

she needs to make some plans before she shuffles.

Fine.

Okay, you called my bluff. I don't want to.

That's what I thought. I'll take care of it.

So the "mortal coil" is, like, your body?

Yeah.

That's very cool.

- (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) - Can we talk?

Well, it's not like I can run away.

Hey, I owe you an apology.

Really? For what?

I saw this thing on the news

about baby powder causing cancer.

Yeah, so?

When you were little, I used that stuff every day.

Dipped you in it like you were a powdered doughnut.

So, sorry.

Eh, you didn't know.

Now, the smoking when you were pregnant,

that's something you knew about.

What can I tell you? I didn't want a big baby.

Clearly didn't stunt your growth.

Thanks for making this easier.

I was just talking to Goldfischer.

Our Jew lawyer?

- Mom! - What?

He says it.

Listen to my phone messages.

"Hi. It's Arnie Goldfischer, your favorite Jew lawyer."

- He can say it; you can't. - Hey,

I was at his kid's bar mitzvah. Gave him 500 bucks.

The little pisher never sent me a thank-you card.

- Still can't say it. - All right!

He has informed me that despite his best efforts,

you have refused to make out a will.

Really? You want to talk about this now?

Look at me. I'm like a marionette with a broken string.

I know it's an uncomfortable subject, but we would have a hard time

holding on to this business if you were to suddenly...

shuffle off your mortal coil.

Shakespeare.

Nice.

So if I were to write up this will, what do you think would be fair?

Split up the company equally

between you, Christina and Douglas?

Well, I mean, yeah, traditionally,

that would be the way to go.

But you got to take into account

the reality of the current management structure.

Oh, just spill it.

Douglas and Christina are dead weight.

You need to give me control of the company.

Attaboy.

All right, let me think on it.

What's to think about?

Bob...

while my children may not be equal,

I love them equally.

Well, that's a beautiful sentiment.

Oh, good, you believe me.

Now go call Goldfischer

and tell him to come by next week.

Unless it's one of his holidays.

_

How you feel about Puerto Rican cops?

Excuse me?

My husband's partner just got divorced,

and he's looking to get back on the horse.

And I would be the horse?

Only if you like grown men with braces.

On his teeth or his legs?

His teeth. He was a thumb-sucker as a child.

He sounds quite wonderful,

but I'm trying to make it work with Bob.

No hurry. I'm guessing he'll be single for a while.

- Hello. - Hey.

Were you able to run your errands?

What?

Oh, yes, yes.

He's also a year away from retirement,

so you'd get a pension and a Winnebago.

Again, thank you, but I'm sticking with Bob.

That reminds me.

Since you are no longer interested in Chukwuemeka,

what would you think if I set him up with somebody else?

Why would you do that? He's so boring and arrogant.

Yes, you are right. But maybe there's

a woman out there who can see past those flaws.

Someone with a lot of love to give

and enough frequent flyer miles to take him to Aruba.

Are you interested in him?

Me? No. I was thinking of somebody else.

Kemi.

Well, maybe.

I haven't given it much thought.

Either way, I wouldn't do anything

without talking to you first.

If it's somebody else, I don't care.

And if it is me?

To be honest, I don't think I'll feel comfortable with that.

Yes, of course. Good.

And you have to be honest.

Honesty is best.

It is me.

- I knew it. - There it is.

Calm down, everybody.

Nothing has happened yet.

- Did he ask you out? - He did.

But I told him I didn't want to upset you

and I would talk to you first.

- It will not upset me. - You said it would.

I said it would make me uncomfortable.

You said that, but your face was upset.

Well, if you're asking my permission, I say no.

You are my best friend.