Perry Mason

Hi.

Rudy, listen, you're the manager of this dump.

It's your place to see that those kids keep their stuff where it belongs.

Oh now, they're nice kids. I know them all.

They don't mean any harm, Miss Jordan.

What do you have in the bags?

Mr. Schuyler sent me down to buy some trick-or-treat stuff for the kids.

Well, I'm not giving anything to the little monsters around here.

You know, I'm gonna be awful sorry to see Mr. Schuyler leave.

Maybe he's not the only one leaving.

Mr. Schuyler?

Come in, Rudy.

Hey, it's a little early for that, isn't it?

I always shave in the morning.

What's that got to do with drinking?

I prefer the aftershave lotion on the inside.

Did you get plenty of candy and bubble gum for the kids, Rudy?

Lots of it... Just like you told me, Mr. Schuyler.

- Good. Pour yourself a drink. - Thank you.

Hey, we're not gonna be here tonight.

Why'd you bother getting all that trick-or-treat junk?

We're not leaving for the party till 10:00.

- Now plenty of kids will stop by before then. - Hmm.

What's that?

The costume you're gonna wear tonight.

How about that?

You are a clown, you know, Phil?

Rudy, somebody wants you.

Oh, somebody always wants me.

Hey, why don't you ask me what I'm wearing to the party?

Hmm, why don't I?

Vera, what are you going to wear tonight?

Da dum!

Cigarettes, candy, cigarettes?

This is the costume I'm wearing in the bit part I do for Charlie Noymann's picture.

Boy, would the wardrobe department be furious

if they found out I borrowed it for a party.

Like?

There are things about the Royal Pacific Court that I'm going to miss.

You know, you wouldn't have to miss anything...

if the two of us went to Mexico.

Cigarette girls aren't supposed to sit down with their customers.

I know,

but you're a very special customer.

Mr. Schuyler's bungalow is right around here. You a friend of his?

I'm his brother-in-law, not his friend.

Oh, I guess you dropped by to wish him bon voyage, huh?

Is he going somewhere?

Oh, he's leaving for Mexico next week. Here it is.

Mr. Schuyler?

Ahem. You've got company.

Frank, what are you doing in L.A.?

I came to see you.

Um, this is my brother-in-law, Frank MacManus; Vera Jordan.

How do you do?

Um, Vera isn't really a cigarette girl. She's...

I'm not interested in the occupation or profession

- that occupies Miss Jordan's time. - Real charmer, isn't he?

Look, Phil, I've got to run. I'll see you tonight.

How about a drinkie?

There we are.

I forgot... you don't drink.

And I hadn't forgotten that you do very little else.

The manager tells me that you're leaving for Mexico next week.

That's right.

Well, I'm not surprised that you wouldn't bother

keeping us posted on your plans.

I've had it, Phil.

You're no good and you never will be.

I warned you the last time that I wasn't taking any more trouble from you.

- Talking for yourself or my sister? - Both of us.

Being my wife's brother doesn't give you the right to sign my name to a check.

I thought I could pay you back before you found out.

So I didn't. So what?

Two handwriting experts are ready to testify in court

that this signature is a forgery.

You know, most people think that they have to work in order to survive.

But of course that thought would never occur to you.

Relax, Frankie, relax.

My financial worries are over for good.

I'm gonna be rich.

Well, this forged check is for $3,000.

- Do you have it? - No, but I can get it.

You'd better get it.

Because if I don't have this money by the time I leave Los Angeles tonight,

I am going to proffer charges against you...

Criminal charges.

Is that clear, Mr. Schuyler?

Winthrope residence.

Yes, Mr. Schuyler.

Yes, Mr. White is back from Europe, but he's not at home.

He's at the university.

She's listening. Be quiet, please.

Yes, I'll tell him, Mr. Schuyler.

Grace dear, I dislike constantly reminding you

that this is the White residence

and that I am Mrs. Damion White, not Miss Winthrope.

I'm sorry, Mrs. White. It won't happen again.

Mona, stop making about who gets what billing here at your house

and listen to the score.

I've got to have your decision today... now!

I tell you, this is the greatest musical Alex Chase ever wrote.

Tailor-made for you, baby, believe me.

That song, Jerry, that song.

That's the title song from Pearls and Jade ?

Well, it's only a tape recording from a rehearsal run-through

at the Santa Barbara try-out.

And Lucy's voice isn't much, but just listen to it, Mona.

And more than anything else, that one song is why I called

and insisted you put an end to this crazy two-year honeymoon of yours,

come back from Europe immediately and go to work again.

If I agree to go back to work and star in Alex's show,

Charlie Noymann will finance a Broadway run and a picture?

That show with that song in it, right?

We'll recast the show.

You'll take over the starring role. One week in Boston. Ho ho!

Then look out, Times Square.

With you starring in it, Pearls and Jade could run on Broadway for years.

Then the multimillion-dollar movie musical starring Mona Winthrope

in her triumphant return to the screen.

Jerry Janda, even without those ridiculous elevator shoes,

you are the biggest and the best agent in all of Hollywood.

You'll... you'll do it, Mona?

Do it? Of course I'll do it. Nothing would make me happier.

- Oh, Mr. White. - Hello, Grace. Mona, that song.

Oh, Damion.

I didn't expect you home till just before the party tonight.

I have to get right back.

I forgot to take some papers to the university this morning.

Hello, Jerry. How's the agency business?

Ho ho! Booming, Professor... booming.

Come to the studio with me, Mona.

Having Charlie hear you rave about Alex's score

may keep his fingers from trembling when he steers his pen across the bottom

of the most expensive contract he ever signed!

Charlie can wait.

Right now I'm going to rush right over to Alex's.

I think the talented composer deserves to hear me rave

much more than Charlie Noymann.

Mona, I started to ask you about...

- Later, darling. Later. - Bye, Professor.

Oh, Damion, don't be late for the party tonight, huh?

Oh, Mr. White, there's been a Mr. Schuyler... Mr. Philip Schuyler...

Trying to reach you on the phone all morning.

Phil? That's a coincidence. Okay, thank you, Grace.

- Oh, Grace? - Yes, sir?

When I came into the house just now, I heard a song.

Mr. Janda, the agent, brought a tape recording over to play for Miss Winth...

Oh, I'm sorry... Mrs. White.

Well, what did she say about the song... The one they were listening to?

She seemed quite excited about it.

Is there anything else, sir?

Did that Mr. Schuyler leave a number?

Oh yes.

It's Olive-4-1654.

Thank you, Grace.

Phil, Damion White.

Fine, fine. We got back from Europe late last night.

Yes, I know you've been calling me, Phil.

But look, there's something I've got to talk to you about.

Now... now listen, Phil.

What are you talking about?

Unless you want to see me in jail, you'll have to give me $3,000...

this afternoon, Damion.

$3,000?

Well well, the barefooted Bernhardt.

Beauty and talent both...

Divine actress,

superbly endowed by a beneficent deity.

I guess her husband's pretty talented too.

Which means what?

Oh, you'll find out when she asks about the song.

Well, back to the well.

Alex!

Hi, Alex!

Mona, Mona, darling Hey, baby, you're soaking wet.

- Yes. I love it. - Come on. Freda's inside.

The score is divine, Alex... simply divine. It's such beautiful music.

- Then you'll do the show? - Of course. Hello, Freda.

How's my favorite composer's favorite wife?

Flat where I should be sharp.

- Here, dear, have a drink. - Thank you.

To Pearls and Jade, to its wonderful star,

and to success.

To lots of money. Hear hear.

To a beautiful show with an even more beautiful title song

which you stole from my husband, you nasty stinker.

Oh!

Oh. Oh, the second act of, um...

Shanghai Wife. Or was it Hong Kong Widow ?

Freda, you're disgusting when you drink.

I think she may really be angry, Alex.

Here, you've got jam on your face.

And you've got booze on the brain. Another drink, you may fall off that stool.

And what will you fall off if your very best friend sues you for plagiarism?

What are you talking about? I stole nobody's song...

Not Damion's... nobody's.

Pearls and Jade is mine,

an original Alexander Chase song.

Yes, stolen from an original melody by Professor Damion White,