Baywatch

IT'S NEVER GONNA WORK, MAN.

OH, YEAH?

-YEAH, SHE THINKS YOU ARE A JERK.

-ONLY 'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME.

-NO, SHE THINKS YOU'RE A JERK 'CAUSE YOU DO

STUPID THINGS LIKE THIS TO TRY AND MEET HER.

MY TACTICS ARE NOT STUPID,

THEY ARE IMAGINATIVE, AND THEY ARE INVENTIVE.

-TACKY, TASTELESS, AND MOST OF ALL, THEY DON'T WORK.

OH, YEAH, WATCH THIS.

MUFFIE!

HERE, MUFFIE!

OH, MUFFIE!

YES.

OH, MUFFIE!

OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

OH, IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO MY SWEET LITTLE MUFFIE.

THANK YOU.

WOO!

SO HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?

-WELL, IT'S ALL IN THE LINE OF DUTY.

LET'S GO.

- ALL RIGHT, I THINK THAT'S IT. I THINK WE GOT EVERYTHING.

WEEKEND IN THE SANTA MONICA MOUNTAINS, HERE WE GO.

FRESH AIR, PINE CONES, IT'S GONNA GREAT.

-SO WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT?

I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING CAMPING.

YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?

I THOUGHT YOU DID.

TELL ME WHAT?

-WELL, WE'RE GOING CAMPING, BUT ALSO THOUGHT WE'D DO

SOME HANG GLIDING.

-YOU MEAN "WE" AS IN YOU AND MITCH,

BECAUSE I TRIED THIS CRAZINESS ONCE

AND I'M NOT GONNA DO IT AGAIN.

OH, DON'T BE SUCH A BABY.

IT'S A LOT OF FUN.

IT'S A GREAT SPORT, IT'S A...

A THING OF BEAUTY.

-YOU ARE GONNA BE THANKING US COME MONDAY.

ANOTHER SURPRISE LIKE THIS,

AND I DOUBT I'LL BE TALKING TO EITHER ONE OF YOU GUYS.

NO WORRY, I THOUGHT AHEAD.

JUST IN CASE YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND,

I BROUGHT YOU A GLIDER.

-MITCH, THERE IS NO CASE, NO POSSIBLE SCENARIO

THAT COULD EVER GET ME TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF WITH YOU.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU GUYS WOULD PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GO, I AM HUNGRY.

YOU KNOW, THE ODDEST THING IS MUFFIE HATES THE WATER.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE POSSESSED HER TO JUMP IN.

-THE WATER PROBABLY JUST LOOKED INVITING.

IS HE FRIEND OF YOURS?

JOHN, JOHN.

-NO, LOOKED LIKE A GUY I USED TO KNOW.

I DON'T SEE LANCE.

DON'T LET HIM DROWN, JOHN.

OH, GOD.

-MAN, I THOUGHT NAPS WERE SUPPOSED

TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

HANGOVER?

NO, NO, JUST A BAD DREAM.

-HEY, LISTEN MAN, I WAS GONNA CALL IN A PIZZA.

NICE LARGE ONION, DOUBLE CHEESE, PEPPERONI?

-OH, I HATE PEPPERONI. THE REST IS FINE, BUT--

HEY, FINE.

WE'LL JUST SPIT IT IN HALF.

-I HAD A FRIEND ONCE. HE HATED PEPPERONI, TOO.

ALWAYS USED TO ORDER IT JUST TO HEAR ME COMPLAIN.

I NEVER LET HIM DOWN.

SO DO I KNOW THIS FRIEND?

NO, NO.

IS THAT, "NO, EDDIE,

GET BACK TO WORK, I DON'T WANT TO TALK," OR WHAT?

NO, HIS NAME WAS LANCE.

LANCE JARVIS.

GOOD GUY.

WE WERE BUDDIES BACK IN THE SCHOOL.

ABOUT A YEAR AGO, LANCE, KATE AND I WERE--

KATE WAS HIS WIFE.

ANYWAY, WE WERE HAVING DINNER, AND WE HAD SOME LAUGHS,

HAD SOME WINE.

TOO MUCH WINE, ACTUALLY.

-YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA RACE YOU TO THE BUOY.

-HA! DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED OF LOSING TO ME?

-HEY, MY LUCK'S GOTTA CHANGE SOME TIME.

NO, DON'T, DON'T DO IT.

NEXT THING I KNEW,

WE ARE RACING OUT TO THIS BUOY.

-WHERE IS HE? I DON'T SEE HIM.

HE IS TOO EMBARRASSED TO FACE ME.

DAMN IT, LANCE.

YOU ARE SCARING ME.

LANCE!

WHERE ARE YOU?

DON'T LET HIM DROWN, JOHN.

LANCE!

NEVER FOUND HIM.

DIDN'T HE WASH UP THE NEXT DAY?

NO.

MAN, THE OCEAN JUST SWALLOWED HIM RIGHT UP.

THE WATER WAS CHOPPY, THE CURRENTS WERE REAL BAD.

NEVER SHOULD'VE BEEN OUT THERE.

KATE WAS GREAT ABOUT IT, THOUGH.

SHE NEVER, NEVER MADE ME FEEL LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT.

-EVEN THOUGH THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER.

FUNNY THING WAS, TODAY IN THE MARINA,

WE PASSED THIS BOAT, AND THE GUY DRIVING IT...

I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS LANCE.

THIS KATE...

I MEAN, HAVE YOU TALKED TO HER, HEARD FROM HER?

NO.

NO, WE SORT OF FELL OUT OF TOUCH.

IF SHE'S ON YOUR MIND SO MUCH,

WHY DON'T YOU TRY AND GET IN TOUCH WITH HER?

MAYBE.

I'M TELLING YOU, GARNER, YOU ARE MISSING OUT.

HAND ME THAT, CRAIG, WILL YOU?

THANKS.

HUH.

OKAY.

YOU WANNA HOOK ME UP HERE?

I GOT YOU.

-SURE YOU WON'T CHANGE YOUR MIND, GARNER?

-I WAS ABOUT TO ASK YOU THE SAME THING.

-THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE RUSH OF LEAPING OFF A CLIFF.

GET THIS FOR ME, WILL YOU?

-IF YOU GUYS REALLY WANNA DIE SO BAD, I HAVE A GUN.

-TAKE OFF THE CLIFF, DROP A COUPLE OF SECONDS,

THE WIND TAKES OVER, IT'S UP. WHAT IS IT?

-A THING OF BEAUTY. -A THING OF BEAUTY.

COME ON, RUN AWAY.

YEAH!

WOO!

I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER!

THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS, JOHN.

YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?

NO, I'M FINE.

-YEAH, I GOT MYSELF A JOB IN SAN DIEGO.

SMALL TRAVEL AGENCY.

FREE VACATIONS.

IT'S THE ONLY REASON TO TAKE A JOB, THE PAY STINKS.

-SO, I FINALLY GET UP THE NERVE TO COME SEE YOU,

AND YOU'RE MOVING.

I NEEDED SOME DISTANCE.

I MADE THAT PRETTY CLEAR.

YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

DIDN'T I?

ME AND MITCH, CRAIG.

YOU PUSHED AWAY EVERYONE THAT WAS CLOSED TO YOU.

-LAST I HEARD, YOU WERE BREAKING HEARTS IN JAMAICA.

IT'S BEEN A HARD YEAR, KATE.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL ISLAND.

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.

SURE YOU HAD YOUR FAIR SHARE OF FUN.

HEY, I MISSED YOU KATE.

I MISS LANCE.

NOTHING HAS CHANGED, JOHN.

I STILL DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

OKAY.

LET ME HELP YOU PACK. YOU'LL BE DONE TWICE AS FAST.