Mrs. America

I was pregnant, and I was scared.

This is my deathbed confession.

Five minutes!

- Here. Do you want a light? - Oh. Thank you.

- What kind of law are you planning to specialize in?

Oh, constitutional. And you?

Oh, I didn't take the bar.

You don't think practicing law

runs contrary to your preachings on a woman's proper place?

Nice disguise, Mrs. Schlafly.

- I didn't have time to fix my hair.

I'm with the "Tribune."

- I have raised six children. I can do whatever I want.

I've always said that women can do whatever they want.

[ "A Fifth of Beethoven" by Walter Murphy playing ]

***

***

***

***

***

***

[ engine turns off, keys jangle ]

***

Oh, yes.

- - Uh-huh.

Well, if I were you, and I had a choice,

I'd come to my gala, 'cause it'll be pleasant,

lovely, nice people, and you'll have a good time.

I think "The New York Times"

is gonna cover us.

Well, I'm sure we could fit you in,

but I would need confirmation. Thank you.

- You put Lottie and I at tables with a bunch of nobodies.

- Hmm? - You've put...

- Oh, you're the distinguished guests.

I just have to, uh, spread you around

like, uh, cherries in a fruit salad.

- But I wanted to be at the same table

as Senator Helms so he could sign my book.

He wrote the forward.

- Oh, one of his aides wrote that.

- Well, then we better make sure to introduce you to him

at the gala.

Alice.

- Thought I'd stop by to see if I can help

with any last-minute planning.

- Well, I wasn't sure you'd be coming at all.

Of course I am, and Buck, too.

- You haven't been around much all year.

- I'm sorry. I've just been so busy with grandma duty,

but I have typed up all the names

of the new representatives for this year's ERA vote.

- I cannot believe we have to push this boulder up

for another three years.

How can I help?

- Why don't you start by typing up

the press release for the gala? Hmm?

Sure.

How are the grandkids?

Uh, a handful.

Well, you know. Boys.

"The women's libbers are rewarded with an extension

"of the ERA deadline despite our pro-family rally in Houston

being twice as big as..."

Are you sure the crowd at our rally was twice as big?

- Yes. - Definitely.

I should know. I was at both.

- It didn't feel that much bigger.

- Satan's destructive forces are so strong and well-financed.

It's easy to get confused.

- -

Eric! Come back here!

- Oh, no, you forgot to find a seat for Pamela and Kevin.

Oh, uh, they can't make it.

- Oh, you've worked so hard for seven years.

You deserve to celebrate.

- Kevin didn't wanna spend the money, so...

- Well, maybe we could figure something out.

You should talk to him. - Phyllis says that

a man needs to feel like the king of his castle.

Otherwise, they act out.

You told her that?

- Well, you don't marry a man to reform him.

- I've been trying to take the time to let him know

how much I need him.

It's all about a positive mental attitude.

- There are going to be some fun surprises at the gala.

I'm looking forward to it.

Are you?

What do you mean?

- Phyllis is so kind and trusting.

She doesn't see what's going on, but I do.

- What are you talking about? - Loyalty.

You're questioning my loyalty?

- I can tell your heart isn't in the fight.

I always said to Phyllis you'd get bored

and drop off eventually.

- My commitment has never changed.

I'm the one who brought the ERA to Phyllis' attention.

- You gathered everything into a box.

That story is getting a little old.

I've always supported Phyllis

when things were simple and clear,

when it was about protecting our place in the home.

But somewhere along the way,

it's become about something else.

- We are in the midst of a conservative revolution.

After years of being ostracized and discounted,

religious voices are being heard in the political arena.

Did you really think there'd be no casualties?

It's bigger than the ERA now.

***

[ typewriter keys clacking, indistinct conversations ]

- I serve at the pleasure of the president.

I also serve five kids, a husband, two cats, two dogs,

14 rabbits,

so it's not easy to drop everything

and fly across the country.

- I had a chicken in the oven when the call came.

Aw.

- I was down the street at Stan's,

but I am also very irritated.

- We've been pushing the president to meet with us

for what, over a year? Since Houston.

Nothing, and then all of a sudden, one day's notice?

- That's how it goes. We all made sacrifices.

This is important.

- There were 1,500 media groups at our conference.

Then two men decided to have a conversation,

and we were knocked below the fold.

Two men--Sadat and Begin.

Did you want to stand in the way of peace in the Middle East?

- No, but I can't believe we're getting peace

in the Middle East before equal rights for women.

You can't?

- We have nothing to show for Houston.

- They did give us an extension on the ERA deadline.

- Things move slowly in Washington.

It takes at least two years to implement any policy,

let alone laws that benefit women.

It's too soon to get frustrated.

Let's get started.

- Do we assume Carter has or hasn't read this beforehand?

All: Hasn't.

- So I'll make some introductory remarks.

Then each of you will take a minute to brief the president

on our proposals to Congress.

We have to move fast. We only have 15 minutes.

15 minutes for which part?

- Total. -

- Would you rather we have no meeting?

- 15 minutes isn't a meeting. It's a photo op.

- Well, what am I supposed to do?

- Cancel it. Ask for a proper meeting.

- Canceling signals that we expect real results.

We've spent two years coming up with this plan of action.

Meanwhile, he's cutting domestic programs

so he can increase military spending.

- We should issue a press release.

Say exactly that.

- I don't think we wanna criticize our own president

in the press.

- Kissinger has been publicly strong-arming Carter for weeks

to get asylum for the Shah of Iran.

This is how the boys do it.

Rita, get me Ham Jordan!

Please!

I got you a present.

How did you...

- Ah, I can't divulge my sources.

- Oh. - Let's just say

a certain presidential candidate is desperate for our support.

Who? Crane?

- He sees Reagan in his rearview mirror,

gaining speed, but that tax amendment of his

was a breath of fresh air.

And I don't see him drifting center.

- Yeah, the establishment, uh, respects him,

but I-I think it's a long shot.

- Every true conservative is. Phil Crane in the White House,

a Republican president from Illinois.

Get ready for your appointment, Mrs. Schlafly.

Mrs. Schlafly, Esquire.

I was just sworn in.

- You gonna change your stationery?

- Well, it's the only place to put it.

I'm never gonna practice.

- I must say, the way he looks at you,

it almost makes me want to endorse Kemp.

The way he looks at me?

- Mm. - Oh!

Be still, my beating heart.

The index goes...

from Saxby to... straight to Schlesinger.

What?