Life & Beth

Deep breath in.

Hold and exhale.

Good job, mama bear.

Sitting up nice and tall.

Take a moment

to feel your precious baby inside you.

Right now, baby is the size of an eggplant.

And now's the time

to enjoy deep intimacy with our partner

to find calm in the healing silence.

Hey, Carlos! Finish this cut for me!

I gotta take a dump, like, now!

No, it's fine. I'll use John's can. He don't mind.

John?

Can you hold this?

You pregnant?

John!

Hey!

- This feels like a lot for someone who said they were just gonna build a crib!

I don't know what you're saying! I-I puked on the floor!

I'm gonna take a shower! - Not in that bathroom you're not.

I just saw you six days ago!

You know I'm not givin' you a refill without a prescription.

- Those pills fell outta my pocket, and a, a raccoon snatched 'em.

That sounds cute,

but no means no, Mr. Pederson!

Every day, you comin' in here with this!

Jennifer, what's up? How can I help you? - Okay, listen to this birthday card.

"Age gets better with wine."

Get it?

Come on! The phrase is "Wine gets better with age,"

and then they just flipped it. It's--

Yeah, that sounds stupid, Jen.

And it's not really that funny.

Listen.

I don't normally get involved,

but I care about you.

And I know someone that can help you get off the pain meds.

I don't need that.

Thank you.

Douyon, you ready?!

Hello!

I'm pickin' up my little blue pill.

- How exciting. - If ya know what I mean.

Everybody knows what you mean!

- Viagra. Yeah! - That is very exciting!

- Could you take a look at these bumps on my taint?

- Does this look like the emergency room? What the--

Cleo! - Cleo!

- Please come take a look at this man's grundle.

His taint, Cleo!

Excuse me, may I approach you now?

Shit! Fuck! Motherfucker!

- I'm sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. - No, no, not you, fool.

I think I gave Douyon the wrong meds!

I might've just put a man in the hospital!

- Douyon! - Shut up, Mr. Pederson!

- What the hell are you doin'? - I'm gettin' in!

Why the hell are you gettin' in the car?!

I'm goin' with you!

Why the hell are you comin' with me?!

I gotta get Douyon before he dies!

- He's gettin' away! - Damn!

Gun it! Gun it!

- It's all over. - Life is done.

It's a bottomless pit, girl.

- Life is garbage. Everyone knows it. What's up?

- Ya know, I'm really feelin' a lotta feelin's.

- I feel like I need to hit some things. - Me too.

John has turned our home into ground zero.

- Some white bitch asked me to massage her aura.

God.

I feel like I ate a 30-pound turkey, and I can't shit it out.

I feel like I haven't shit since I've been pregnant.

It's all just in there, becoming a baby.

- Yeah, and everybody's congratulatin' you for it, right?

And John said "we're pregnant" to someone.

- I'm like, are we? - We? Is he French?

Okay, John, is your pussy draggin' on the floor?

- Thank you. - But I'ma tell you somethin', girl.

Don't let your marriage slide now. Are you havin' sex?

- Ew. No. Of course not. That's disgusting.

It's healthy for a woman to have sex durin' her pregnancy.

Plus, pregnancy is when most men cheat.

Alright? Tom Brady. Adam Levine.

Stephen Hawkings.

- Okay, I get it. - Do ya get it?

'Cause Stephen Hawkings cheated.

Should I go on? - I'll have sex with my husband.

- Thank you. - You gotta get in there.

Just try not to have the baby on his dick.

There's my sex pot!

What?

I-I almost didn't recognize you.

- I-I know, I'm not as hot without my cop uniform on. Sorry.

No. It's not that. You're--

You're wonderful just the way you are.

You're... you're breaking up with me?

- Did your boyfriend propose or something? - No, I,

I haven't been totally upfront with you, Beau. I actually, um,

I have a husband

and children.

Shit. - Yeah, and I've just been, like,

thinking, like, what's, ya know, like, what's the end game here?

Like, realistically, like, um, like, our future.

Our what?

Like, what would we do if I got

pregnant or something?

Um, that would suck ass.

Yeah.

- I flew here. I-I feel like this could've been a-- like, a Snap or something.

- I didn't think I'd be doing this right now. I'm-I'm really sorry.

- Hey, do you know how far we are from the Ghostbusters firehouse?

Okay. I, um, I'm gonna go.

But you take care of yourself, and,

don't ask me to go to your hotel to just do it one more time.

It's your call... ma'am.

- Ooh, yeah. It doesn't really feel the same.

- Yeah, it didn't. I could, I could feel that, too.

Well, it was worth a shot. - Okay. Well,

keep your headphones off when you cross the street, okay?

People are crazy drivers.

Okay. Weird, weird advice.

Bye, Beau.

- I've written Jen, like, so many notes this week,

and she hasn't even written me one back.

You like Caleb.

He's cute.

- You should tell him you had a dream about him.

That makes guys think that you're sexy.

Tell him you had a dream you were having sex

in the shower.

- I've never had sex before. - I know. It's so sad.

But guys love showering with girls. My sister told me.

- Beth and Jessica, less talking, more make art-ing.

Sorry.

A-Jew!

- Now's your chance. - He's getting up.

- Now, now, now. Go, go. - Okay.

- You're so sexy. - Thank you.

Hey, Caleb.

Hey.

It's so weird.

I had a dream last night

that we were making out in my shower.

- Really? - Yeah.

It was so weird.

Th-then what happened?

- Well, we were, like, making out and stuff in my shower.

And then what?

And then my teeth fell out.

What?

Talk to you later!

So good.

- I'm sorry we haven't been having sex lately.

What?

I just haven't been feeling sexy.

I mean, you're so pregnant.

I totally get it. It's not a big deal.

Yeah, but I-I want to. I do. I--

- Whatever you're feeling is completely fine.

I really wanna feel connected to you.

- Me too. - So, should we

just... do it?

Like, in the shower?

- Shower sex? Now? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Okay.

But wait, don't you want some eggplant?

- No. - Alright.

Ready? - Yeah.

Let's get some H2O.

- Cold! That's really cold. - Yeah, I know, I know. One sec, one sec.

You gotta gimme one second. Hang on. - Okay. Okay. Just--

- That's hot! That's too hot! Please! - Is that getting-- Okay. Sorry. Sorry.

Go back. Go--

Just go back to where it was. - Really?

- Yeah. - The valve is so touchy.

- I know. Y-- I-I know. - You have to get it within, like,

a millimeter for it-- - Yeah, I know. Yeah.

- I can fix it. - Yeah.

- All you need is a pair of pliers. - I-I know. No! No! I-- This is perfect.

- Not now. I mean, I just-- Yeah. - No, this is perfect. Okay?

Sorry.

- I feel like, like maybe if I face the other way.

- Okay. - Ya know?

That might be more, like, realistic. - Yeah, I think that's wise.

Okay. - If I was kinda, like--

- Okay, but then we would have to kind of--

- What are you-- Okay. - I just don't want you to slip.

- No, I'm not! - Lemme, lemme--

- Here, I'll just go down. Okay? - Okay?

Are you okay? - Is that happening?

Seems like you're getting water

in your face, though. - Was that working?

- I don't want you to not be able to breathe.

- Yeah, do you, do you wanna just, like, go eat pita chips

and watch Vanderpump? - Yeah, if it's,

if it's not, ya know?

It's fine. I don't wanna force anything.

- Yeah, I don't know. I just feel like shower sex--